Kill la Kill
—Fuckin' Japan making everything all weird
Kill la Kill (キルラキル Kiru ra Kiru) is an edgy Magical Girl Animu made by Trigger, who has a period fetish (OH GOD WHY?). It's basically Gurren Lagann and Dragon Ball Z combined, or what Panty & Stocking with Garterbelt would look like with a PG13 rating and not a hint of originality. The plot is related to FLCL, complete with Goku uniforms. It was hailed by /a/ as the savior of animu, but it turned out to be nothing special. Instead we just got more cheap fap material posing as some deep and poetic story that would last the ages.
A compelling story of empowerment and vengeance. Ryuko Matoi is an upstanding girl willing to fight in the face of adversity to seek out who killed her father years ago. She is forced into the evil, pitiful bowels of Honnouji Academy where she fights off evil prep students while finishing her homework in time for her next class. With her trusty friend Mako Mankanshoku and her dog Guts, they set off once again to save the world from evil, greed, male homosexuality, the Pokémon League, and conservatives who hate sexy Japanese cartoon boobies.
Nothing to see here. Like every goddamn anime made
after 2005 ever, Kill la Kill is composed of fanservice, ass shots, BEWBS, a superficial heap of shit plot to make you forget that it's solely fapbait, and moar fanservice. Sex sells, and if it bleeds it leads! Who needs a compelling story anyway? It's not like the human race is heading towards a higher plane of existence and reason.
Life Fibers are
cheap tacky fanservice for 15 year-old basement dwellers to schlock off to the deep and intricate main plot device for this tasteful garbage. They are essentially ancient fabric parasites that 'chose' humans for having the best nervous system at the time when they invaded, advancing our evolution to the point of dominating the planet (a strange side-effect of being the host of a PARASITE). Unfortunately people like John Langdon Down and Hans Asperger discovered that these Life Fibers didn't leech off of all the humans. Probably because they don't even exist in this fantastic cartoon's universe.
Life Fibers are critical in making these originally named Goku Uniforms; these Goku Uniforms have 5 known forms:
- 1-Star - Uniforms of 10% Life Fibers, all who wear them become Life Fiber Nazis who all look like standard mooks despite the fact they're supposed to be fucking students.
- 2-Star - Uniforms of 20% Life Fibers, all who wear them become Alfluenzic smug retards who secretly want Ryuko and Nui to Scissor.
- 3-Star - Uniforms of 30% Life Fibers, only worn by the Elite Four.
- 10-Star (Kamui) - Sailor Moon suit consisting of 100% Life Fibers, for some reason they talk to only you and don't make you FUCK SHIT UP! They 'awaken' when they drink your blood and turn into slutty armour and you into a sex icon; they only truly work when you want your boobs and ass to be the first parts of your body that people see.
Kill la Kill gives us a wide and diverse array of characters not only oozing in originality but also in many other regards.
- Ryuuko Matoi-Kiryuuin - 17 year-old girl and strong independent womyn. Shows up at the Academy, challenges Satsuki to a fight almost immediately and somehow winds up as a student. A perfect female heroine to guide us from the patriarchy.
- Senketsu - A living and breathing Evangelion sailor uniform Ryuko finds beneath her house. It grants her temporary power until she passes out. Is actually an alien made by Ryuuko's dad, Isshin, to fight against REVOCS. Spoiler!
- Junketsu - Another Sailor Moon suit that NEVER speaks. EVER. Riders of the Kill La Kill Hype Train have speculated that he is a demon pervert. It was supposed to be Satsuki's wedding dress that would enslave her to clothing but instead it was her fanservice battle dress that enslaved Ryuko to clothing while keeping her in a perpetual orgasm.
- Mako Mankanshoku - Ryuko's only friend. Her power is to put a stop to any fight by smoking crack and being the most definite example of an airhead known to exist. She owns a dog named Guts who derps around all day, aimlessly hoping to be the next wacky side-kick.
- Satsuki Kiryuuin - the main antagonist, 18 year old and president of the student council at Honnouji Academy. Has bigass eyebrows, a manface, and a HUGE FUCKING ASS. She's actually Ryuuko's sister: spoiler.
- Ira Gamagori (or rather, Homogori) - He is visibly angry 99% of the time and yells a lot. Original as can be.
- Uzu Sanageyama - the guy who voluntarily blinded himself after losing a fight to Ryuuko, which made him super fast and sensitive. Again, no archetypes in this series. None at all.
- Hooka Inumuta - Leader of the school's information and strategy committee who used to be a 1337 h4x0rr who finished Computer Science III cum laude and fucked with stocks for teh lulz until the REVOCS Party Van paid a visit. Now spends his days trying to analyze data with his Gameboy emulator.
- Nonon Jakuzure - A kawaii uguu monkey girl with a disgusting grumpy voice that resembles the sound produced by nails grinding through a chalkboard. She was the school band leader, despite conducting nothing but terrible faggoty trite in every scene she's featured in. Supposed childhood "friend" of Satsuke and totally not a ripoff of anyone in any way, shape, or form.
- Aikurou Mikisugi - Honnouji Academy's only teacher, is a smelly shaggy sleazebag doing jobs for slave wages so he can pay his rent and buy precious anime figurines who also observes Ryuko's progress and was the one who led her to Senketsu. Every time when Ryuuko gets her ass beaten, she wakes up naked in his basement with cum in her ass. He's actually a FABULOUS nudist army leader. His crotch and nipples emanate purple light, as if he wasn't FABULOUS enough.
- Ragyou Kiryuuin - Satsuki's mom, part Life Fiber, and also the head honcho of REVOCS, the company that produced the clothing you are wearing right now and whose employees are fabric fetishists. She's an incestuous lesbian freak-show.
- Nui Harime - Adorable flower ribbon girl who is simply perfect in every regard and not a psychopath. She killed Ryuko's dad, spoiler.
- Isshin Matoi - Ryuko's dad, used to be known as Dr. Wily until he gave up on trying to taking over the world. Gets KILL LA KILL'D by flower-pants above.
- http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Anime/KillLaKill/ Have a trope-spewing fuck-orgy.
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