Knife Game

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ALERT: THIS IS A FORCED MEME
Knife Game will be posted by the same
unfunny newfag until you like it.


CHOP CHOP!
This is what will happen if you play the Knife Game too much.

The Knife Game, better known as Five Finger Fillet, Hand Roulette, or Stabscotch, is a retarded game that involves stabbing at your fingers with a big knife, and the latest dumb stunt to become popular on the internet. Unlike tamer stunts such as planking, this one will actually send you to the hospital if when you mess up.

How to Play

A brief visual guide on the proper tools you'll need to play this magnificent game.

The Knife Game is played by laying your hand out on a table with your fingers spread apart, and rythmically stabbing the gaps between each of your fingers. The Knife Game can be played solo, or with friends (if only you had any). Each person playing the game takes a turn, and whoever stabs the fastest without cutting his fingers off wins. It's also a lot more fun if you sing a silly song while doing it, like this fine gentleman:

A Brief Histoire on the Fyne Arte of Knifing Oneself

The Knife Game has long been a recreational activity favoured by inbred rednecks who don't think anything is fun unless you can lose body parts in the process. Not surprisingly, it fell out of favour at around the same time people decided that blowing your friend's head off because he called you a cockface wasn't a good idea.

It was reintroduced to popular culture in the Western-themed video game Red Dead Redemption (lol, please bitch...), which features Five Finger Fillet as a minigame. As is often the case with video games, this inspired a few people to try it in real life. Sadly, most of these people later all died in unrelated incidents involving rocket launchers and tall buildings.

The Knife Game meme didn't really take off until March 2013, when a popular YouTube show called "YouTubers React" resurrected the video shown above. The Knife Game has since become popular among teenage internet geeks and overgrown frat boys who are desperate to show off their manliness to other equally stupid people. This makes for an entertaining spectacle for the rest of us, as we all get to watch idiots stab themselves.

Unfortunately, most of these guys are pussies and only use either fruit knives or dull steak knives they bought at the dollar store. Real men use combat knives to stab themselves. They also wipe their asses with sandpaper, break bricks with their faces, and can survive being hit in the testicles over 9000 times. Well, not really, but it's important that we keep these stereotypes alive in order to help rid society of stupid people.

Fuck yeah, Feminism!

Thanks to the modern day miracle of gender equality and the feminist desire to be as good as men at everything, there are also many girls doing the Knife Game. After all, nothing's sexier than seeing women imitate the worst elements of male culture. Badly.

Knife Song Lyrics

Oh, I have all my fingers, the knife goes chop chop chop

If I miss the spaces in between, my fingers will come off

And if I hit my fingers, the blood will soon come out

But all the same, I play this game, cause that's what its all about

Oh, CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP CHOP

I'm picking up the speed

And If I hit my fingers then my hand will start to bleed

A Minute And A Half of Faggotry

The full knife game song. It's a wonder he never chops a fucking finger off! Ah, practice, my friend!

Gallery

See Also

External Links

We'd type out some external links for y'all, but our fingers are still sore from playing the Knife Game. Sorry.

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Featured article May 15 & 16, 2013
Preceded by
Pirate
Knife Game Succeeded by
YOLO