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From Encyclopedia Dramatica
First recognized to have been embroiled in the Kiki Kannibal Buzznet shitstorm, (circa 2006 - today), Dakota has since decided that she does not want to make the intelligent decision of learning from her older, whore sisters mistakes and has begun making quite a name for herself; namely on 4chan's cosplay & EGL imageboard, /cgl/ - also informally known as "bitch-capital".
Dakota spends most of her time slapping on 5lbs of makeup, using Photoshop in order to further her career in the speculative art of taking thousands of pictures of herself and uploading them to multiple social networking sites, like most "try-hards", only Dakota does it with more of a dramatical twist. When not running around in fields with her tripod, she can typically be found with her head in a toilet bowl in an attempts to become thin and attending the various model scouting sessions Dakota like to vivaciously tweet about.
She was signed to the Japanese agency Ufufu Girls who still tried to sell her as a living doll, who dropped her as soon as their 1-year contract was over and deleted fucking everything of Dakota from their website and jewtube, they have since found some other girl to sell their clothing. Bravo Models has still kept her on their website with their lulzy video of her which is proof that she photoshops her body thinner.
Introduction to Kotakoti
The first thing you need to know about Dakota Ostrenga, is that she's 100% real, and by 100% we mean she lies about fucking everything. Tainted by her older sisters past delusions of internet grandeur, fed up of always being pushed to the back, she's finally beginning to shine. You don't like it? Like Dakota gives a shit, you're all just a bunch of "pedophile lesbians".
Dakota has spent her time over the last couple of years furiously troweling on the makeup and taking hundreds of carefully angled photographs, submitting them to various social networking outlets across the web in her desperation to be noticed by anybody. Of course, it didn't take long for her photos to be picked up by the Asian Media, who're well known for their love of children and unfuckable loli's.
Much to Dakotas dismay, it turned out she was only featured on an inferior Asian countries news slot and not the kawaii Japanese national headlines she'd been hoping for. The slot in question was a minor Chinese newscast usually shown between ad breaks who'd aired a piece the previous day on a polydactyl cat and an infomercial on dog sweaters the day before that. Despite this, Dakota will still brag and push it like it is a really huge deal, because she's going to be a famous loli you know.
After the attention began rolling in from overseas, Dakota once again changed her attitude in a frivolous attempt to appeal to her Asian "fans" and spent the next few months deleting any evidence of her true self, including her formspring. She had since gone from posting profanity, racism, homophobia and openly behaving like a pig's ass on twitter/buzznet/stickam/myspace to reblogging her overly Photoshopped visage again and again and again. For months she did nothing but post pictures and answer
questions compliments by "asskissers".
Dakota's bullshit first began when the original Chinese news video came and made the mistake of believing that her tumblr actually had a purpose. She has since begun to masquerade as a decent human being, pretending to abandon her crude attitude and instead replace it with this flimsy façade of innocence, frail and pure young girl, which inside, she definitly is not of the sort. She achieves this by recording and uploading videos of her waving and blinking like a kawaii, little, Asian girl on her youtube page.
The "Truth" video that was posted on youtube using a series of videos they made themselves was deleted by the Kiki Kannibal Corporation. But here is a "screencap" of what it had. It was mostly them talking about fags and lesbians. Dakota's voice sounded like a man the whole time, no wonder she doesn't talk in the new videos.
Since being aired on wing-wong local news, Dakota has taken to lying about her age fervently in a desperate attempt to gain favour with her Asian fans, who won't touch anything older then 8 with a chopstick. Ages can range anywhere from 15 to 18, though it's mostly 16 years old on a good day. It seems that nobody has yet thought to question her varying ages, even despite Dakota uploading an image of herself blowing out the candles on an "18th" birthday cake. Were it possible to validate these claims, it would only serve to prove one of two things, that she has either been lying about her age the whole time or that her parents are shit eating pageant-mind fuckwits who allowed their 10 year old daughter to get snakebites and bleach her hair to the extent that it fell out.
Past inquiries have yielded mixed results, Dakota having once revealed that she does in fact wear hair extensions and false eyelashes; has since backtracked completely and deleted all evidence of her having ever said so. There has been speculation regarding the condition of her eyes, which appear to change shape and colour entirely at random, however Dakota has stated that she not wear circle lenses so it must be true. Of course nobody will be able to provide you with caps of her saying any of this on account of her deleting fucking everything.
You can typically find Dakota hanging out at home alone, Twittering back and forth a slurry of racist and homophobic slurs with her only friend and sister, Kiki Kannibal.
You can also typically find Dakota hanging out at home alone, furiously deleting any evidence of her racist and homophobic slurs in a pathetic attempt of covering up all evidence of her being a massive, beak-nosed cunt.
Previously mentioned as being the younger sister of haggard, past-it camwhore, Kiki Kannibal (Kristen Ostrenga), Dakota Rose's life has been laced with drama, lies (mostly theirs), a supposed statutory rape, a man dying as a direct result from supposed statutory rape, foreclosure and a shit load of hefty fines. When it comes to being white trash, the Ostrengas pretty much wrote the definition.
Her parents, Cathy and Scott Ostrenga, encouraged Kirsten and Dakota from a young age into competitive whoring, with it being discovered that her incestuous, pedophile father had actually taken the majority of half-naked, sexually suggestive photographs of his daughters.
Cathy Tierney Ostrenga is particularly well recognized in the Kiki Kannibal/Dakota Rose drama, having made it her personal mission to seek out and
destroy cover up any defamatory material regarding her daughters to ensure they maintain their fanbase, which consists of old men, and misguided foreigners who are unaware of the drama the Ostrengas have started.
It should be noted that the majority of content Cathy has sought to destroy is in fact videos/images that the Ostrenga sister have personally made public themselves. Said content includes screencaps and videos of Kiki and Dakota ranting about the gay, black and mentally/physically handicapped and disgusting nudes.
Getting in contact with Cathy and Scott Ostrenga is easier then ever nowadays! All you have to do is follow these simple instructions below:
01. Acquire defamatory and/or damaging material involving Kiki and/or Dakota (this is not hard on account of how big, dumb and slutty these siblings are)
02. Submit defamatory and/or damaging material involving Kiki and/or Dakota to the internet and proceed to distibute expeditiously
03. Wait 30-60 mins
04. Sit back and chuckle obnoxiously as the DMCA violations and threats to sue begin rolling in!
Trouble at the Ostrenga Household
In late 2010, Kirsten and Dakota proved their fuckery of a life and their parents' terrible parenting by having a domestic dispute that was only resolved when the police were eventually called to the household.
In early 2011, the Ostrengas were pressing for any hope of their daughters being recognized in an attempt to get paid for being deadbeats so they reached out to Rolling Stone Magazine and in return, Kiki was whiteknighted by having text written among underage half naked photoshopped photos of her corpse. The article painted Kiki in a bias light and many comments blamed failed parenting, outed Kiki's true side that wasn't mentioned, and called-out the "journalist's" biased whiteknightmenship. Kirsten tried to get her make-believe army to fight her lies for her, but nobody who followed her bothered doing so. Clearly, this pissed off Cathy Ostrenga who had RS remove comments before taking the option away entirely after realising that the comments were full of the ugly truth. Cathy Ostrenga eventually created an account to post in a livejournal snark community, that is notorious for calling Kirsten out on her bullshit, with optimism that the community would help in her obsession with building a case against Chris Stone - she was mocked. RS mentioned Kiki's desperation for online fame even after her path drove her shitty parents into bankruptcy and foreclosure, having quoted her, "If you take me off the Internet, the bullies will win." RS was quick to claim one of Kiki's former boyfriends (now dead) as a rapist, regardless of the fact that Cathy Ostrenga had already been caught lying in official documents. Reminisce of the evidence used on the article's comments still exist, though Cathy has gone through the depths of the internet to get her daughter's own wrong-doings baleeted claiming copyright infringement on behalf of some dead-end, laughable 'company'.
Financial Crisis: The Ostrengas Are Broke
Cathy Ostrenga's obsession is too focused on deleting her daughters' online asshatness that Cathy and Scott Ostrenga didn't realise their financial court records are published online for the world to see. 2010 marked the year that the internet laughed when the Ostrengas sacrificed their non-existent dignity to a delusional internet dream for their daughters by filing bankruptcy and having their home foreclosed after paying a pathetic $11,500 on their house. They further proved they had no concept of money and real life by becoming too retarded to mow their lawn, which landed them more hefty fines. Though 2010 was a golden year for the Ostrengas' finances, they'd actually began their financial retardation in 2006 after they forgot how to pay for a $1,000 hospital bill that Kiki racked up from poor nutrition and starving her body at her mother's demand. The Ostrenga family is currently mooching off one of their relatives, while Kirsten Ostrenga and Dakota Ostrenga continue spending their father's negative amount of money to purchase designer clothes and instruments only so Kiki and Dakota can update their Twitter's about it.
Kotakoti, Aspiring Artist, Aspiring... Makeup Artist?
Recently Dakota has decided that, having failed at most everything she's been tasked with in life, that she'll instead turn to the exciting world of art! You know, that thing people do when they're no good at anything else. The deep, informative work you see to the left can be yours for the meagre price of only $540.00, and don't let the fact that you'll be Dakota's first customer of the last 4 years since she created those monstrosities put you off. It is suspected that Dakota actually uses her own Photoshopped visage as a template for her art. It should also be noted that Dakota doesn't actually create most of the artwork on display, instead choosing to plagiarize stock images and editing them with filters and wizard skills.
In a bizarre recent turn of events, Dakota having recently realized that she is shit and useless at everything she does, has decided to take up yet another hobby for her to be completely shit and useless at by engaging in the magical world of makeup artistry! Now you too can learn how to deceive people into genuinely believing you're an attractive person! Advisory warning for users, always make you sure you're facing said people dead-on, do not turn your head to the side as this will reveal the illusion and people will know that you're not really an attractive person.
Okay, cut her some slack. So she's never had any formal training, and it's not like she's even been applying it that long, or like she has any notable techniques or even in possession of any renowned makeup must-haves.. but that doesn't mean she can't be good at what she enjoys, right? WRONG.
It seems that Dakota's knowledge of makeup only stretches as far as to what she's seen when Googling for Ulzzang makeup tutorials. Her makeup tutorials are so bad that she's already deleted 2 of 4 of the videos she's uploaded in an attempt to hide her failure.
Two examples of Dakota's innovative and completely unique makeup styles
Dakota Ostrenga, Copyright Lies Exposed
Dakota had been becoming rapidly known throughout Tumblr, although not entirely for the reasons she'd prefer. Users of the social networking site were quickly discovering that upon submitting or reblogging any images/videos of Kiki or Dakota that portrayed them in a negative light that they would slapped with a notice. The notice was always the same, detailing how the content originally submitted by them was the intellectual property of Kiki Kannibal Korporation, that the content has been removed and to resubmit the content would come under Copyright violation. Recently however, pictures have been reported by Dakota herself.
Most users abided by the notice and lay down, allowing the Ostrenga family to continue their reign of control over Tumblr and exactly what pictures of the siblings were allowed to be posted. It was one morning that the owner of a Tumblr blog awoke that day to discover she'd been handed the same notice from Tumblr in warning for her having had uploading images of Dakota that portrayed her badly. Again, the notice detailed how said images had been copyrighted by the supposed Kiki Kannibal Korporation and had been removed on account of copyright violation.
The owner of the blog quickly filed a counter claim against the notice and decided to do a little digging in the meantime, eventually uncovering this delicious nugget of information. According to the Florida Department of Business & Professional Regulation, there are NO records of Cathy Ostrenga having filed for her ever having owned and run any business or company by the name of Kiki Kannibal Korporation, which means it is actually NOT A LEGAL BUSINESS. This also means that Kirsten most likely has never once paid taxes on any of the profit she received for the sale of her merchandise via her official website.
The discovery of this information was quickly followed by a reply from Tumblr support in response to a post reblogged by the anti-Kotakoti Tumblr PrettyUglyLittleLiar.
This marks the beginning for loosening the grip the Ostrenga's currently still hold on various other social networking sites. It is recommended in the event that you have such content removed from Youtube or other websites on account of alleged DMCA copyright violation that you forward the relevant information to them so they can become aware of the situation in it's entirety.
Kotakoti... The "Apology"
In an attempt to subdue the Anons who were exposing Dakota's true nature, she issued an apology on her blog. Although some Anons were appeased by this gesture of peace, it was clear to the majority that yes, Dakota was very sorry… sorry that the cracks in her barbieelfgoddess facade had started to show. Not only had she neglected to acknowledge everything she is being held accounted for ("it was only 1 video guyz!!") she managed to weasel in a few lies about her age as well.
So in light of Dakota's faux apology, we feel its only right we respond to Dakota's gesture, and do a bit of "clearing the air" ourselves:
This was nearly 2 years ago. I was 14 years old.
No Dakota. You were not 14 years old 2 years ago. If you were 14 years old 2 years ago that would mean you are 16 years old today, and we know this to be a lie. This article states Kiki was 14 when Dakota was 11. This next article states Kiki was 14 in 2005. That means Dakota was 11 in 2005, 12 in 2006, 13 in 2007, 14 in 2008, 15 in 2009 16 in 2010, 17 in 2011. If Dakota turned 12 in 2005 she could be 18 today. BUSTED
I made a few jokes LIVE on a webcam when I was fourteen
I didn't expect for it to be taken out of context
In fact that one video
One video you say? Taken out of context? Lets see about that.
I made immature jokes about lesbians and suddenly I am a "fat-people hater", racist, homophobe, and "ugly-people hater". (Yes, they actualy said I hate fat people…)
That's because you do hate fat and ugly people Dakota. You said so yourself.
Kotakoti, cyberbully extraordinaire!
Mere hours after the apology was issued on her blog, verbal insults were being thrown around tumblr from an Anonymous source, targeting anyone who had said anything negative about Kotakoti. Most Anons had a suspicion from whom the insults were originating, but there was no proof until the Ostrenga's insulted someone who had put an IP tracker on their tumblr page. The original post can be seen here
Long story short, a friend had commented on girlarmaggedon's profile and said "you look like what Kotakoti wishes she looked like". Someone from the Ostrenga household did not like this, and decided to leave an insult on this young, soon-to-be-a-mother girl's page. Lucky for girlarmaggedon she had an IP tracker and tracked the source of the message back to the Ostrenga household. Whether it was Dakota, or her mother we do not know. But what we do know is one of the Ostrenga's have been doing this to numerous tumblr users who have ever made a negative comment about Kotakoti's photos.
Another Anon browsing Kotakoti's blog noticed that for the first time a negative comment had been left on her blog just shortly after her apology was issued. Anyone who has tried to leave a comment on her page knows that all comments are personally screened by Dakota herself. Additionally, it was noticed that this comment had similar writing styles to a blog owned by Dakota's mother. How did this one negative comment slip through to her blog? I think we can be safe in assuming this comment was planted by Cathy Ostrenga as a ploy to garner sympathy for her daughter.
LA Aspirations and the Kickstarter Appeal
As if lying and insulting your fans wasn't enough, Dakota is currently attempting to scam $20,000 from her fans. Ecstatic at the opportunity of being able to spend a whole day with Dakota and Kiki if you donate a meagre $2000 to the appeal, their fans were scrambling to the site to be the first to donate (no, not really lol). While many were wondering why Kiki and Dakota couldn't just get of their asses and find a proper job like the rest of the adult population to fund their dreams, some were beginning to question the authenticity of the purpose of the appeal. Particularly, saying that some of the funds will go towards purchasing a "Mac Laptop to DJ with". Considering the fact Dakota already owns a Mac Laptop (which can be seen lurking somewhere behind her gargantuan forehead in a number of photos), the general populace are beginning to wonder what exactly Dakota and Kiki really need $20,000 for.
If Dakota's and Kiki's shameless begging wasn't enough embarrassment for the entire Ostrenga family, Cathy Ostrenga (mother to Kiki and Dakota) decided to instil a bit of self-respect into her juvenile scam-artists by teaching them how adults in the professional world earn money. Unlike Dakota and Kiki, Cathy is a lady of ambition. Begging the unwashed masses (aka- you and me) for cash is a no-no. The most sensible way to get your hands on some hard fast cash is to beg the Dalai Lama instead. But no, Cathy didn't stop at the Dalai Lama, an entire host of Hollywood celebrities -from Charlie Sheen to Jim Carrey- were subject to Cathy's psychotic rampant tweets in desperation that at least one would donate. A classy lady indeed.
Journey to Japan and the Big Reveal
More recently Koti has been signed on to the Bravo modeling agency who has sent her to Japan to achieve kawaii idol stardom. She landed a tv interview there where she revealed her real, unshooped self to quell the haters. The results were glorious. After realizing how badly she fucked up, Koti hastily removed all evidence of her real face from youtube, carefully editing the interview to hide all appearances of her real face, and slamming other youtube accounts with 'copyright' infringements. Some have attributed her apparently more bloated appearance to a side effect of bulimia, others say she has claimed a bee sting, still more reason it's some kind of symptom of photoshop withdrawal. Either way, Dakota's own claim to fame has unraveled the photoshoped illusion. Because the Ostrengas are endlessly surfing the net to get all evidence of their daughter's true so unkawaii self being revealed around the world, the video has yet again been taken down from all the false copyright violation claims on youtube, facebook and good old tumblr. So here is a link to the video yet again. http://videobam.com/GbaJD
|Lies, photoshop fails and more||About missing Pics|
|Dakota back in her Scene-kid days||About missing Pics|
|Other shit||About missing Pics|
Known Aliases & Accounts
- Dakota Ostrenga
- Koti Rose
- Dakota Rose
- Spooky Koti
- Personal Blog This is where she posts pictures of her face. No, really. Just her face.
- Pretty Ugly Little Liar Tumblr diligently devoted to uncovering Dakota's asshattery
- Kiki Kannibal
- Attention Whore
- Histrionic Personality Disorder
- Unwarranted Self-Importance
Kotakoti is part of a series on
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|Featured article June 10 and 11, 2015|
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Cards Against Humanity
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