From Encyclopedia Dramatica
|KrappleGuy is an Epic Lolcow|
One page alone is not enough...
KrappleGuy's fellow circle-jerking aspie pals now have their own page!
KrappleGuy (AKA VanKrause✡, aka Kopyboat, Mark Joseph Ortiz irl, b. June 6, 1990) is a corpulent and shifty homosexual race traitor from California who is known for (among other things) being a shitty admin on a handful of *chans (most of which have since gone belly-up), being mistaken for a fed on numerous irc networks due to being a chronic idler, and having a lengthy hairstyle so awful, it would even make Howard Stern cringe. Currently, Krapple can be found diddling his own asshole on cam for money.
We start our charming tale at Krapple Komputer Kompany, a sub-par chan run by a mentally handicapped weeaboo. While staffed under the KKK, Krapple birthed possibly the only thing worth half a bottle of piss from his hairy asshole; /cwc/, the home of Chris-Chan enthusiasts, second only to the CWCki-- the Chris-Chan site people ACTUALLY go to. Once KKK was shut down, it was then that KrappleGuy began his long tenure of shitfesting at Legi0n. It was quickly discovered that, aside from buying the domain names and handing out staff positions like a whore passes out VD, he amounted to two things: jack and shit. Not long after the birth of legi0n, Krapple made another doozy of a good decision. After stumbling upon a certain unwilling immortal and becoming fascinated by the video of him spewing vampire piss all over Chris-chan’s stolen Sonichu medallion, Krapple promptly added Ickeriss to staff as an admin, hoping to gain himself a bit of dat hardcore e-cred.
The opportunity for power soon went straight to Ickeriss’s head and it wasn’t long before he began making plans to overthrow Krapple. That’s right, folks. Even emaciated, pale, crooked-dicked Ickeriss could see that Krapple was a feeble-minded idiot who contributed nothing to a site he claimed as his own.
As is wonderfully detailed over in the legi0n article (refer to above link), the resulting hooplah with Lotz proved to be quite a self-coup de grace, as it were, resulting in much drama, butthurt, and legi0n being closed down. As if anyone expected anything else from Beany McBeanerson.
As an added kick to his small, sensitive testicles, Krapple's dox somehow ended up in the possession of known pillow lover Riley34470, Krapple shit an atom bomb when he realized he was now being stalked by a pillow molesting redskin and promptly started making himself scarce in a desparate attempt to avoid being sodomized.
Internet Sissy Fights
—Krapple on his whaling excursions
Although his claim to fame were the few videos and the board he made about Chris-chan, anyone who talked to Krapple knew that his greatest obsession was the girl he “pranked” at the party in a drunken stupor, IHM. He referred to her as one of his biggest enemies and made many videos about her on YouTube over the course of 2009-2010 as well as releasing several “funpacks” which included pictures of her and general information. But what caused such a ruckus? When Krapple was pressed on this issue, he was dodgy with his information and about what really went on before he made IHM his self-proclaimed nemesis. The truth was not surprising.
— IHM on meeting Krapple
TL;DR Krapple is easily heartbroken and butthurt and then goes off on two year excursions making videos about those who spurned him.
Hold the Phone
Being the epic supertroll he thought he was, Mark decided it would be a fantastic (and not retarded in the slightest) idea to talk about teh internetz at a party he was invited to with a few friends he had from college. A few tales of righteous and noble internet calamity, paired with an experience level in drinking equivalent to that of a socially retarded turbo-virgin, suddenly gave Krapple the idea to prank call a former friend/crush-turned-enemy with whom a feud existed for no apparent reason. Allegedly, she told him he was ruining the internet by putting up fliers for an IRL raid. Mark gave the bonny lass' number to his gracious host, who pranked her by mumbling into his phone and then hanging up. Unfortunately for Mark, his shitfaced friend didn’t block his number, and the girl retaliated a few days later by calling said friend back and acquiring Mark’s dox.
With Encyclopedia Dramatica nearing the end of its reign as an archive for the socially inept, Krapple decided to take up the mantle himself. He made another wise choice in purchasing a domain name and hosting space to make way for ED 2.0, dubbed "Lulz Enterprises." Eventually and inevitably, (the original) ED closed down and became Oh Internet, and Krapple thought this was his golden opportunity.
A chance to redeem himself and become the new leader of the most infamous e-drama site this side of "who gives a shit?" Unfortunately for him, he lived up to the precedent set forth by his predecessors, taking long naps under his funny hat, drinking cervezas, and smelling like shit. Before he could even get Lulz Enterprises properly set up, he discovered EncyclopediaDramatica.ch had swooped in and stolen all his thunder with the efficiency and speed of the US border patrol.
Since then, Krapple has not updated LulzEnterprises. Except for opening registration. Which is definitely going to help. Shortly after his wiki was flooded with his very own face, the domain was stolen and
now redirects to this very article now redirects to a shitty anime blog because Krapple being the weeaboo faggot that he is, now aspires to relocate to the land of glorious nippon.
— Mark after finding out his site was taken from him.
Krapple Goes Full Retard
—This is not funny in the slightest.
Sometime in March 2011, some pictures were leaked of Mark at a theme park. Mark responded by freaking the fuck out and demanding to know why the pictures were leaked. These clips of Mark yelling were recorded and then compiled into a remix made by one of his friends.
Viva Lulz Vegas (Or, The Hangover Part 2 and a Half)
—Krapple's summer vacation summed up in one sentence.
Sometime in late July, Krapple decided to go after another girl from the internet. So in a fashion similar to a date rapist, he invited a girl he fancied from the internet to visit Las Vegas with him and his family; obviously intending to make sweet, sweet gringo love. The girl saw right through Mark's game, however, and approached a mutual friend of her and Krapple's to devise a complex and elaborate plot to take advantage of the situation. The girl gave Krapple an ultimatum; allow the third friend to join them in Vegas, and she would gladly come to Vegas, too. Krapple, being the oblivious twat that he is, saw no problem in allowing another guy to partake in what was supposed to be a romantic fuckfest. Even after Krapple shelled out $700 to fly the duo to Casa de Krapple, and paid another $350 for the hotel room at the MGM fucking Grand, the trip was STILL a romantic fuckfest. Only Krapple wasn't included.
In the true stylings of master trolls, the mutual friend, although aware of Krapple's love for the girl, decided to hook up with her right in front of him. Literally, right in front of him. And to make matters even more unfortunate, they soiled his childhood treehouse prior to embarking on their vacation, left love stains in his own bed, and even used the condoms Krapple had bought because he assumed he was getting some during the trip.
In response to this unforeseen complication, Krapple turned to the family friend of Mexican families everywhere, alcohol. Seemingly forgetting what happened the last time he was in a situation involving alcohol, Krapple downed eight beers in a single day. Two 1-Liter cans of Budweiser, three bottles of Kokanee, two Alaskan Ambers and a Corona later, Krapple was living the life of an angry retarded homeless man. In Las Vegas.
That's not even the tip of the iceberg, folks. Along with sitting in front of the window all goddamn day, Krapple also found it comforting to sip his white-trash-calibur beer to the rousing tune of the Soviet National Anthem, much to the confusion of his sexing companions. While walking the Strip, Krapple made a visible effort to keep several paces ahead of his friends. He refused to talk to them a majority of the time, using primal grunts and short, curt sentences instead of actual, intelligent responses. He also flat-out refused to enter the public hotel pool, though some argue this could have been out of embarrassment of his matted, patchy body hair.
Krapple's ingestion of ocho cervezas eventually caught up with him and he passed out cold in the hotel room. With Krapple finally out of the way, the fuckbuddies decided to roam Vegas unhindered by the stench of stale chimichangas, crappy beer, and donkey ball sweat. Amidst their pseudo-date, Krapple felt it was necessary to send the busy girl a series of tear-stained texts, expressing his displeasure at being stuck in the room with the Godzilla of hangovers while his friends were out having the time of their lives.
—One of his bawws.
Upon their return, they found Krapple passed out again, and decided the time was right to have sex in front of him again. He obviously woke up somewhere in the middle, as his whimpers and sniffles managed to pierce the moans and pants of pleasure.
Along with his rambling and the behavior befitting a talentless red-carpet slut, Krapple also gave into his sadness the same way a fat kid gives into cake. Which isn't a new experience for ol' Mark.
While in the MGM hotel room, Krapple borrowed his romantic rival's computer and decided to make a Forever Alone post on 4chan. He refused to let anyone read the post, but they did manage to get the gist of it by hiding behind him as he typed;
— Hilariously enough, it turns out that his thread got no replies.
On the way back to The City of Angels from the City of Sin, the lovebirds cuddled comfortably together in the backseat of the Ortizmobile while Krapple stared wide-eyed out the window, and said nothing in between his two breakfast burritos. Once back at the Ortiz family abode, Krapple's dad, pulled Krapple and his male friend aside, saying how he wanted the girl to sleep in Krapple's bed while they kipped out on the sofas in the living room, because he didn't want "things" to happen. He didn't look at Mark the entire time, meaning that even his own father didn't think he would be getting laid any time in the foreseeable future.
Throughout the two days Krapple's best bros spent in LA before they returned to their respective homes, Krapple himself continued to be depressed and even refused to sit with them at a local Carl's Jr because he couldn't stand the sight of them showing affection in public.
Surprisingly enough, Mark had actually started to cheer up the night before the duo was set to fly back home. But the damage had already been done.
|Lol Vegas||About missing Pics|
Krappleguy has recently been spotted prowling an even more pathetic avenue of the internet, Second Life. He began his career claiming to have been a member of the Patriotic Nigras, not realizing the group he joined was an actual copycat group full of Brazilians and not the real thing. He built for himself a persona of a red robot who has an obsession with black dicks, and constantly repeats to reveryone he meets that he's gay. He has since named himself an authority on any information about the Patriotic Nigras, claiming to have a hatred for the false group he originally joined, and deciding to form his own. His own group currently consists of him and a few autistic manchildren he dragged away from a group that was formed from the /vg/ board of 4chan. Since forming his mighty army, he has begged multiple groups and landowners on Secondlife to give him admin rights, getting them all taken away from him, as people see him as pathetic as he is over time. Even the people on Second Life, as sad and pathetic as they are have enough realization that something is wrong with him, and he is slowly becoming an outcast there as well. If anyone is interested in pestering him, or checking up on our favorite beaner, his SL name is "Schwartzenberg Robonaught", also followed by a collection of alt accounts, such as "secondgestapo". He hops from time to time on alternate accounts, pretending to have been banned for doing things, but it seems that is his main account now. His skype has changed as well, which is now "kentuckyfriedgeneral". Be sure to ask him about the pizza sim, it is the most recent one he lost admin rights from. He enjoys anchovies on his pizza.
- Is a self-hating jew and can often be found frequenting Stormfront and 4chan's /pol/ board.
- Made a Bob Chandler shirt for a school assignment. He wore said shirt around campus.
- Is a noted sodomite but has been caught with a female (much to his denial and constant claims of having multiple homosexual black lovers)
- Hates large trucks, much like how Indiana Jones hates snakes
- Is a hardcore Andrew W.K. fan. He has been known to blast PARTY HARD in skype calls
- is clearly bisexual, but he denies this.
- Is the jew equivalent of Chris-Chan and screams out OYYYVEEEEYY when stressed.
- Talked about seriously bleaching his skin to look more aryan.
- Dropped out of school to spend more time fucking dogs in the ass.
- Is an internet hoarder and has over 6 million hard drives just for saving photos of hairy scrotums.
- Tipped in loose change he found on the ground that day after eating at a restaurant.
- Has a fetish for theme park rides such as roller coasters
- Has had his internet cut down numerous times by his ISP for his chronic torrenting habits
- Constantly stares at things and will bulge his eyes when you ask him an awkward question.
- Still considers himself a follower of white supremacist Ben Garrison (even though Ben "Zyklon B" Garrison would have gassed Krapple's kike ass) .
- Thinks pissing in the shower will clog the drain.
- Loves the black cock.
- Is known for harassing apple fans, and preaching the Stallman doctrine to them.
- Is a total bear according to several former homosexual partners.
- Frequently masturbates to foot cream commercials.
- Lets his dog lick peanut butter off of his balls.
- Keeps several cans of Crisco in his closet at all times for masturbating.
|KrappleGoy||About missing Pics|
- Lulz Enterprises - Now redirects to a shit anime blog
His ED cloneDead Where he re-uploads old Youtube videosDead
- His userpage on CWCki
- Invader Zim fansite he used to
- Failed raid he concocted
- See above
Metokur Article on Krapple. Contains more informationMetoku is dead
FacebookHis meme-riddled FacebookLOL BALEETED Last FM Shitty musicLOL BALEETED Banned lol
- Flagged down
- A Youtube dedicated solely to his sock accounts, also hidden
- Acts like it's not just him but instead a group
- IHM fanboy channel
- Again acts like it's not just him
- See above
- No longer hidden, active
- kentuckyfriedgeneral (His new Skype he uses for Secondlife((Yes, really)))
tripleafromanAbandoned (Ask him to sing you some Mariachi) kgschwartzenbergHacked
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