Krokodil

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What you could look like if you start using Krokodil TODAY!!! WHO COULD POSSIBLY NOT WANT THIS?!

Krokodil (aka desomorphine or 4,5-α-Epoxy-17-methylmorphinan-3-ol to nerds) is the coolest fucking shit since bath salts. A relatively cheap yet staggeringly potent drug it comes all the way from Mother Russia (Siberia, to be precise) so you know it's good; if you're from a country within which people routinely drink vodka for breakfast you need something a little stronger than heroin to get you off empty.

This thing is only for non-pussies. If you're a little bitch you should keep far, far away and go back to smoking weed and sucking on your mom's dried-up titties like the little baby you are.

Why YOU Should Get Some Krokodil

What the process you are about to undergo will look like.
  1. It is one third the price of heroin.
  2. The materials needed to make it are legal.
  3. They are also easy to obtain.
  4. It also gives you the same high as heroin does.
  5. Using it proves you are cool.
  6. IT SLOWLY TURNS YOU INTO A MOTHERFUCKING CROCODILE!
  7. You will hook up the hottest crocodiles in your town.
  8. After you are done being a croc, you will be turned into a living zombie,how is that not cool?

What To Expect

  1. First you can expect getting fucked up. You will be high as shit which is most important.
  2. Slowly, over time, your skin will begin to turn gray. Do not be alarmed and do not seek a doctor. This only means that your transformation had begun.
  3. After a while your skin will not only be gray, but begin to feel scaly and rough. If you are a smart cookie you have already devised what is happening from the name of the drug... You are turning into a fucking crocodile! HOW FUCKING BAD-ASS IS THAT?!
  4. If your skin began looking green and you have yet to change into a crock, that means you are one of the lucky ones. Instead of turning into a crocodile you are becoming a FUCKING DRAGON!
  5. If, instead of turning into a dragon, your skin begins to melt off, DO NOT STOP! This only means that fortune has smiled upon you and you are turning into a spooky skeleton! YES! Fuck acid! This shit will literally MELT YOUR FACE OFF! Why the fuck would you want to have a tattoo of a zombie when you can become a fucking zombie!? This is no time to pussy out. This is the time to do more fucking Krokodil!
  6. After you have been changed into an alligator, dragon or scary skeleton you will reach the final stage of your metamorphosis. Some users reach this stage after two to three years, but the real expectancy is about six months. As your skin melts away a wonderful fortune awaits you. You will be teleported to a magical place where you will live in happiness and joy for all eternity. Nothing bad can ever happen from using Krokodil, so don't worry.
  7. After all the fucking junkies are gone, the rest of us can finally live in peace. All the strung out crack addict will stop wasting tax money on useless rehabilitation programs that end up with them back on the wagon within months of finishing them. No druggies means less customers for drug dealers, which means less gangs and so on. EVERYBODY WINS!!!


Doesn't that all sound fucking awesome? What the fuck are you still doing here!? ED knows what is better for you so go get some Krokodil NOW!!!

Ingredients

Another satisfied customer.

Krokodil is made out of easily obtained and affordable things. No need to risk getting arrested anymore. Nor is there a need to go to any nigger neighborhoods to get it and risk being raped by monkeys. Everything you need can be found at your local drug-store and can be mixed right at home! (Unless you live in the Jewnited States, at which point you will need a prescription for the codeine tablets. Just go to your local emergency room, tell them you have a bad toothache or backache and cry until they give them to you.)

  1. 5 to 10 tablets containing codeine (costs approximately 300 rubles, equivalent to 9 USD)
  2. Boiled with a diluting agent (mostly paint thinner that may contain lead, zinc, ferric or ferrous agents, and antimony)
  3. Lighter fuel (gasoline)
  4. Hydrochloric acid
  5. Iodine
  6. Red phosphorous (as a phosphate source), which is scraped from the striking pads of matchboxes

As you can see, you can buy all these things with like $10 and easily make it in your own home. Which makes Krokodil safer than buying shit on the bad side of town. Also, you can swap out some part for things like headache pills, acne pills and alcohol. Because what could be more awesome than, instead of drinking it, injecting your vodka directly into your groin?

I'll tell you what: NOTHING!!!!

Besides maybe being a super cool dragon crocodile/spooky skeleton that's injecting vodka directly into his groin.


C17H21NO2

An Excellent Way to Exfoliate the Skin

Gallery of Badassery

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See Also

Links

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Krokodil

is part of a series on

Drugs

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Related Trips

AbsintheAlcoholBaby BongBreaking BadDealerMK ULTRAPrunoToad lickingTobaccoVaping

Featured article October 15 & October 16, 2013
Preceded by
Gordon Ramsay
Krokodil Succeeded by
Russian Wikipedia