Las Vegas

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Las Vegas for tourists.

Las Vegas, Nevada is where American culture goes to die. Vegas was founded Last Thursday by gentle, polygamist Mormons who were running west from the government to save themselves from certain death. This is seemingly irrelevant: nobody actually cares about the history of the town, least of all the people who have to live there, as they are too busy scampering for shelter from the 10,000 degree heat. It is common knowledge that nobody has ever been born in Las Vegas (save the children of exceptionally stupid hookers), and nobody ever leaves. They mean to, but never get around to it. Las Vegans don't do well outside of the city, as they are dependent on the expectation that every grocery store, Elvis-head whiskey decanter outlet, shabby cathouse and crystal meth outlet will be open 24/7. A closed sign infuriates them. Even the shameful fact that everybody from Japan has been to Las Vegas at least once - making the place even more unlivable - is not enough motivation for Vegas residents to pull up stakes and relocate to a more hospitable climate

Japanese visitor in traditional Oriental attire to Las Vegas; note the vacant stare.

Las Vegas is also home to the West Coast's largest population of methamphetamine users, as well as the notorious Black Cloud, both of whom are always a source of lolz. Due to its high concentration of porn, all you can eat buffets (leading to fatties) and 24/7 lifestyle, Las Vegas is a frequent source of IRL drama, and Las Vegans themselves live for it. It doesn't help that Vegas is so hot that residents are unable to sit in front of the computer all summer. This is because they are secretly reptilian, basking in the light of the sun to warm their cold blood and stay alive.

The few natives of Vegas absolutely hate Californians and Mormons for moving into their city and raising mortgage fees. If they had greater numbers they would wage war with California and Utah. Fortunately, the risk of this is absolutely nil, as anyone dumb enough to be born in Las Vegas and actually LIVE there has received a true double-whammy of bad genes and bad upbringing. These unfortunate souls would have trouble locating California on a map. They also hate their neighbors who have had Oregon plates on their car since 2005 and secretly masturbate to the fantasy of calling the DMV on them as revenge for their bitching to the HOA about their trash cans and brown grass. Again, the chance of this actually happening is nil divided by zero, as all Californians are by nature far too afraid of confrontation to mount even the most passive-aggressive of revenge plots.

Las Vegas is home to Defcon each year. Alas, frankly, it doesn't matter what city Defcon is in, because having the event 3 blocks from the strip is JUST TOO FAR AWAY to walk. Truthfully, given how bad city drivers are, this might actually be a legitimate complaint.

With the water crisis in the Southwest looming, the question of whether Vegas can keep on being a city in the fucking desert that gulps down 330 thousand gallons of water a month hangs in the balance.

A bachelor party trip to Las Vegas will always end in drama, typically involving massive amounts of narcotics and/or a breakup scene accompanied by shitty 80s music.

Note: very few Las Vegans are actually Vegans.

Contents

A spoiler to Vegas, a modern day Sodom and/or Gomorrah (Current as of 2016)

Las Vegas has changed with the times like everything else. Just like everything else, it has gotten shittier. Everything is like a bad version of California, which is impressive considering how awful Cali is in the first place. Vegas is divided into 3 primary areas, all equally worthless, they show their lack of value in different ways. Details will be provided after the break.

  • The Las Vegas Boulevard AKA The Strip - All the big casinos and hotels (some are still run by the mob, albeit a lot more quietly these days). Includes Fremont Street.
  • Eastside - The poor part of town. Niggers and spics reside here. Possesses a very large population of homeless who sleep here after they get back from a hard day's begging on The Strip.
  • Westside - Bad California, shitty suburbs and shopping centers galore.

The Strip

The main attraction of Vegas. There are a lot of casinos and hotels that are HUEG. However, they are all slowly being conglomerated under 3 seperate corporations. As expected, these try-hard Jews have ruined the fake fame these attractions once possessed. Every bit of information about these casinos you hear from your old folks and friends is outdated and wrong(er) now. The Jews who own everything now have done away with the rather nice customer loyalty program that the old casinos had, no longer will you get free food for staying and tickets to shows in the mail. Free drinks are still offered, but they take forever to process.

The aesthetics of the casinos are relatively the same, but certain things like the legendary lion's mouth entrance to MGM grand have been done away with by the Jews who didn't want to offend the Azns. Srsly.

The shows that the casinos offer are mostly trash nowadays. I could only find one show that I enjoyed, and that one was the Tournament of Kings at the Excalibur. All the other shows were either people dancing around lewdly in their underwear (Cirqe de Solei's Zumanity) or trashy performance art pieces.

For those want to gamble, good luck. Slots, poker, and roulette are the same as always. Blackjack here is not same as in your dumb hollywood movies, card counting is a thing of the distant past. This is accomplished by the house using more than 1 or 2 decks for Blackjack. The standard is 8 deck Blackjack now. How is this bad for you? The more decks used, the more face cards in general and the less predictable the deck is, leading to more losses and busts for you. 1 & 2 deck Blackjack exist, but enjoy your $100 buy-in. If you're wanting to make just a little scratch from this ill-fated trip, then good luck finding a mythical 4 deck Blackjack table that isn't crowded or already has someone. The only way to make money on Blackjack is to take a big risk at the high-roller 1 deck tables, play at the 4 deck tables, AND always play alone against the dealer so the faggot next to you doesn't take your card that would have let you beat the dealer, and faggots will come and join you at a table after ten minutes at the latest.

Aside from Fremont Street, the rest of The Strip is mostly the same 'ol trash. Overpriced convenience stores, fat spics advertising Escort services, and relatively meh restaurants.

Fremont Street is slightly different. It is now a closed off street, so you can't drive through it like in the old days. Most nights, a bunch of degenerates (and I mean that in the truest sense of the word) get drunk and/or high, and come and party in Fremont Street. There is always some very loud shitty band playing, and usually 3 can be found most nights. The stores along Fremont are overpriced crap giftshops run by minorities. Fremont Street experience my ass.

Eastside

The minority part of town. Do not go here at night unless you want to see Jamal and Juan in their habitats or are especially fond of crazy homeless people.

In the areas right next to The Strip, you will find a mile of either strip clubs, crappy casinos, or shitty motels.

Westside

A bad version of California. A lot less homeless and minorities, but shitty californian style suburbs and shopping centers.


All in all, Vegas is as desolate as the desert it was built on.


Things that Las Vegas is famous for

Things That Never Happen in Las Vegas or are Lies

  • Completely Legal prostitution
  • The temperature going below 80 degrees in the day.
  • No open container laws
  • Hot chicks everywhere
  • Free alcohol
  • Prosperity
  • Linetrap
  • A nuclear winter

See Also

External Links


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