Level Up

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Level Up

Leveling up, more commonly known as +1, 1up, and level 48 DemonOgreOfTheNight is the process by which a fat nerd can experience the sense of achievement of a promotion coupled with the crippling loneliness of a video game. Whilst a real life promotion gets you more money, cool stuff, and of course bitches, a levelup in a video game gives nothing but a longer period of time until your next levelup, and another hefty dose of that crippling loneliness that has definitely not left you a churned up manic depressive just waiting for an excuse to show them all. The same often applies in real life when you realize that despite all your hard work, your boss is still seven years younger than you are.

A Brief History of Levelup

Typical levelling pattern.

The year was 1947, and the most advanced technology could not even produce light-up fanny packs, so two Jew programmers by the names of Thomas T.Goldsmith and Estle Ray Mann made the first ever video game, a missile simulator. This was a very original concept, eons ahead of its time, with the groundbreaking ability to display a small dot dot on the screen. Their test subjects soon became weary of the same repetitive tasks, however the developers were lost for what they could possibly offer. A shoddy animated graphic and memorable one second MIDI sound could never fool people into thinking they had actually achieved something, could it? After much productive collaboration they had finally done it, not only had they made the first video game but they had mastered a process by which normal people could complete a series of repetitive tasks, receive no actual reward, then complete a series of slightly different repetitive tasks, and receive no actual reward. The cycle could continue almost infinitely and the people would still sit, endlessly focusing on the task at hand as long as they percieved a light at the end of the tunnel. This beautiful and heartwarming principle remains almost unchanged to this day.

Levelup in the New Millenium

She probably wont fuck you.

Since the "remarkable" invention, levelups have penetrated their way into the basement of every teenager alive. Levelups are a valid birth control method, as many young males are under the impression that mashing the 'X' button for 12 hours will benefit their lives, when in fact it will prevent even the spottiest girl from shuffling off her underoos in order to bounce awkwardly on their cock for 26 seconds. The brilliant plan from two fags with more time than sense has evolved from a dot on a screen to a full-fledged cult.

One of the greatest births from this evolution is the new fad for mmorpgs shit, where you basically get to create a character model (made by some lonely fat fuck at his mom's house), give it an original name, select a class (a fabricated concept that deludes you with the notion you're actually worth shit in life), and sit through some tl;dr tutorial that details the history of fantasy fuckland before getting the living fuck PKed out of you for thinking you actually had any chance at survival. Online or offline. Because everybody gets exactly what they pay for rite guise?

Trying too hard

Cool story bro.

You try too hard at every game you play, and just because you boast about it, it doesn't mean it is worthy of boasting. Your OL "friends" (guild fuckbuddies or otherwise) only care about you when you are being useful, so when you go to school/work and wonder how impressed people are that you spent 20 hours leveling up be sure to bear this in mind.

See Also

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