From Encyclopedia Dramatica
- This article is the ideology. For other meanings, please see the Liberal disambiguation page.
Cultural Marxists are members of a fanatical religious group that has always hated America, but when they learned that some dudes looking to cash in on a new find straight pwned and slaughtered some natives, they became even bigger cunts. Cultural Marxists sniff out any "pro-American," conversation or statement someone is making, just so they can flip the fuck out with bleeding heart indignation in order to interrupt and tell you how fucking dumb, racist, intolerant, greedy, and hopelessly evil you are. Their media elite and Marxist culture follows the religion of the state under the iron fisted rule of the Leftaliban, which was started by their savior FDR and his two sons, Jimmy Carter and Nancy Pelosi. Cultural Marxism promotes pathological sexual promiscuity, which is cool if you're a male but treasonous if a female; this is more than a little odd, as most champions of Cultural Marxism on the internets are white male virgins, and most champions of Cultural Marxism IRL are super plus size rabid Feminazis.
Cultural Marxists generally harbor a rather morbid obsession with becoming so open minded that their brains fall out - which explains a lot, j'knowuhmsayin'? They are also part of the cancer that is killing human civilization. Known for their hatred of America, themselves, white people, triggers and God, they are quite justly much maligned on LJ, TV and IRL. This group typically does not believe that there is such a thing as natural law, holding such concepts as morality in contempt... yet they manage to be incredibly self-righteous all the same. These pitiable yet odious creatures claim that diversity is good, but only if the end result involves the sum total of humanity blurs into a single mass of brown. Likewise, they strongly oppose killing niggers, long proven to be of no use to anyone or even themselves, and believe that you should be able to burn a flag whenever you want because of the "First Amendment". Coincidentally, they steadfastly maintain that the Second Amendment is meaningless. To be a Cultural Marxist you must first worship the liberal god, Al Gore. If you ever venture into a college campus, you will find that at least 100 percent of the people there claim to be liberals when in fact, they are just doing it because they think it makes them rebellious. Also, liberals can't get any shit done because they're too busy arguing with each other and sucking Obama's dick.
To put it short, liberalism is emo in political form.
Cultural Marxists love to play the 'victim' game; in leftist thought, everyone is always oppressing someone or something, be it males, heterosexuals, whites, Christians, or Capitalists (i.e. the people responsible for every technological and civil advancement in human history), there is always an oppressor lurking in every corner. This is because liberals are, at their core, self-defeating. Liberals hate themselves and use this self-loathing as a tactic; for example, liberals tie themselves to trees, lay down on the ground in front of police, etc. They also believe that "the status quo iz evil" and is always wrong in all cases, with no exceptions whatsoever, and that everyone who disagrees with this is just an "oppressive white racist sexist homophobic xenophobic right-wing christian extremist/fundamentalist fascist imperialist NAAAAAAAZZZZZIIIIIIII !!!1!!11!111oneoneoneeleven".
And they believe, on the flip side, that no one should ever have the right to call liberal views what they are - "garbage".
So much for tolerance, huh? Such loving and kind people!
Liberals tend to bring out the infamous 1984 bogeyman, and believe in ever-increasing powers of the state, and seek to eliminate the power of the individual to resist the omnipotent power of law through guns, which they seek to pry out of your cold, dead fingers. They fail to see the lulz that 1984 is about a socialist country. Most claim that we are being MINDFUCKED BY CORPORATIONS, YOU INFERIOR FOOLS!!! The most extreme ones will be the ones saying "Peace and happiness, man!" while planning to steal gas or oil to make more fire bombs which they can then throw through the windows of a US Army recruitment center or a Hummer dealership. They are also very vocal opponents to government oppression, except when it comes from their own party or foreign dictators. When it comes to the Constitution, they believe "the people" refers to everybody living in America - except for the 2nd Amendment, which obviously refers to the military.
Young Americans are brainwashed at most colleges and universities into thinking that white, male Americans are evil; diversity (unless it's diversity of opinion) is to be worshiped above God; liberalism will save all of their asses. None of these things are true, but if you point that out to your average professor you will be arbitrarily failed. Just ask Ruth Malhotra.
Liberal professors believe in showing garbage such as An Inconvenient Truth and Sicko in math class - when those movies have absolutely NOTHING to do with math and only serve to mentally jack them off.
Universities, thanks to the pollution of student bodies by these demon seed of Ward Churchill and Dana Cloud, are the last place normal people will find freedom of expression. Instead, they will find death threats from their fellow students should they refuse to take a course entitled "Modern Queerology in Redneck America".
A crappy movie was made about this; it contains Frodo from LotR, the chick from Annapolis, and the dyke from Girl, Interrupted.
Hardcore Environmentalists believe Nature anoints Public Functionaries with the ability to balance out the Earth's humors much like A Chinese Emperor. As most Liberals consider hypocrisy a way of life, they would adopt "cover religions" to decorate their lives, but deep down they worship only the Media and the State. Some make-up religions of choice can be whatever is trendy at the moment or scene, be it Buddhism, Yoga, or even Kabbalah for overweight aging strippers. The whole point is to not be Christian, and if Jewish, to be an Atheist. The only exception being the Nazi Liberals, or niggers, who attend Christian Churches where they noisily advocate for prompt Aryan genocide while gesticulating in a monkey-like manner. Trolling liberals also are stridently anti-Christian and pro-Islam, which means by extension they support terrorism and wish to rape and murder God's gift to America, the Bush twins (even though it's already easy to fuck them: just ask them politely). Liberals are generally Jewish, depressed and love abortions, which is only second to drinking the blood of newborns in their pantheon of hatred and godlessness.
Liberals prefer to suck the cocks of Islamofags while surrendering large portions of their freedom to Arabs who wish to destroy it. For this reason, liberals are enthusiastically facilitating Islam's takeover of Western Civilization by showing support of a barbaric culture which would have them stoned to death if they showed their ankles in public. For great justice, liberals will prolly be outbirthed by conservatives and the aforementioned Muslims, due to:
In diametrical opposition to the values on which America was founded, liberals believe that mankind is hopeless without government intervention. They trade individualism, initiative, and self-reliance for government paternalism which stems from not being taught to manage their money by their single mothers. In other words, liberals are not happy unless the government is doing everything for them which they should be doing for themselves -- such as masturbating. According to a study conducted by the nation's top physicians, liberals are prone to severe depression and aggression whenever the long, thick cock of Government is not embedded in everyone's rectums.
The irony about liberals' hatred of the rich is that many of the richest men and "womym" in the world are actually self-loathing leftwing nutcases. Not to mention the fact that liberal households in the US are wealthier than conservative households, which pretty much debunks the entire myth of "the rich Republican." Of course, only about 1 out of 9000 people actually know this because the media is controlled by Jews.
(People who are in favor of small government and call themselves liberals, are either anarchists that flunked Political Science 101, dipsticks that can't tell the difference between classical and modern liberalism, or VERY confused libertarians. 'Nuff said.)
When you confront a liberal, they prefer to be called a "LIEberal", because it's clever, and one must wear a big smile on their face and speak down to them with a stern tone as if they were a child throwing a tantrum. Liberals are also obsessed with some company called Haliburton, so presumably they must have stock in that company. Just dismiss their rants about how great they are doing, and tell them you’re glad that they’ve invested well in a great American company. Be warned, prolonged exposure to liberals has been proven to cause random dismemberment due to menstrual blood traveling at fantastic velocities.
Liberals believe that the rights of poison ivy and spotted barn owls trump the rights of human beings. They have concocted a massive hoax known as "Global Warming" so that they may continue to subject private citizens to buttsecks under the guise of "saving the planet." Liberals tend to advocate abortion on demand while protesting against the barbarism of mousetraps.
Liberals have tree senses. For example, whenever a man chops down a tree for firewood, liberals' tree senses start to tingle in their lower regions and can tell a tree is in danger. This sense is used so liberals can hunt down the man and organize a fundraiser/protest/sit-in/orgy to protect the tree.
Liberals are often deathly afraid of anyone who doesn't worship fags and dykes and labels them "homophobes", which means "one who is afraid of fags". This is another example of how Liberals abuse the English language in the name of political correctness, since people who hate fags or are indifferent to "gay rights" are not, strictly speaking, afraid of them. Don't mention this to a liberal though, because they will launch into a rant about how English is a language created by privileged white males and therefore they can redefine words and suffixes at will. Also by liberal standards,you are mentally ill if you don't want a filthy fag breaking into your house and trying to suck your dick.
The sub-category of "New Liberals" can be broken down further into two types of new liberals.
- The hood-rat. This newbie became "politically active" when one of these gangstas put on the 10 o'clock news to see their homeboys' mugshot but had to wait for all the boring stories about the war and economy first. While waiting for the non important news to finish, a report on Barack Hussein Obama comes on. After he figures out that Obama is a PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE, and not a terrorist or fugitive, the gangsta feels so overjoyed about the possibility of a President who is "JUST LIKE HIM!!!1!!!one!". And, after all George Dubya Bush doesn't care about black people!!
He then explains that they could finally have someone (a Harvard-graduated, former Hawaiian-suburbanite raised almost exclusively by his white mother, to be exact) who understands them in office. When all the gangstas return home to tell their baby momma's the good news. The next day at da salon rumors about theere being a black candidate circulated faster than the white girl who scuffed their Nikes. Finally when the last black person in America, Oprah Winfrey, caught wind of the black candidate, the REAL campaigning finally started. Hood men, women, and children began wearing "OBAMA" shirts in an effort to help their messiah become the president. Very soon every John McCain supporter became labeled as a closed minded racist cunt who doesn't want to help their country. Damn Republicans ALWAYS tryna bring da Black Man down! Throughout the campaign even the "far left" Republicans' opinions were silenced due to fear of going against Obama. Finally when Nov. 3 rolled around every hoodrat made sure to set their alarm on their stolen cellphones just to make sure they wouldn't sleep in, since they ain't got no job, and FORGET TO VOTE!!!!!!!!ONE!!!111!!1
In a nutshell this type
- Has no idea what Obama stands for, but figure he must be just like them since he's black too (even though the first Democrats were southern, started the civil war, were die-hard Confederates, enacted the Jim Crow laws, Founded the KKK, FDR was a secret admirer of Nazism, and only 64% of Democrats supported the civil rights act as opposed to 82% of Republicans).
- Doesn't have a clue what the Electoral College is or how it works.
- Will give an ass whooping to anyone who is for McCain because if you're against Obama you must be a racist.
- Was most likely going to vote democrat anyway BECUZ I BE NEEDIN DAT WELFARE CHECK SO ME AND MAH BABY CUD LOOK FLY!
- Or not even going to vote at all.
This breed may even be scarier than those shown above. This type came most strongly into play during the Vietnam War. The modern Hippie Liberal could possibly be the most annoying type of person evar. These lunatics start off as being a pseudo-liberal 99% of the time. These little creatures use being a liberal as a way to fit in with cool art kids who are liiikee soooo smart, and know oh so much about the world. How do these indie fucktards become such smart philosophers and creative thinkers? Because they have reached the noble and wise age of 19. After the pseudo-liberal is initiated and "in" with the COOL RADICAL-LIBERAL KIDS!! he or she begins to get brain-washed by their new "friends". After a full transformation from loner to awesome indie kid, the newly-turned vegan can (and will) begin rerouting other possible zombies. Luckily, finding fresh meat to transform is not a hard task at all since more than 75% of people ranging from 16-21 smoke pot, thus making them already "half way there!!!11!!!".
Although most liberals "start to see the light" during college, a rise of high school liberals are emerging. The HS liberal is usually influenced by their older siblings who most likely attend some shitty college. After a summer vacation of being brain-washed by their brother or sister, the newly enlightened high school student is eager to return to school to share his/her superior opinions.
Upon returning to school he/she will brag about: smoking pot and their opinions on legalizing it, going vegan, but forgot to check all the food labels when they had the munchies, how smart and intelligent they are, ALL their philosophies and ideas on EVERYTHING and how it would make the world "perfect" if someone would just listen to them. Every desperate loner will eat up their every last word in hope for a friend.
When the HS liberal finally has a stable posse they spend 95% of their free time recruiting other possible liberal zombies. This can go either one of two ways. The victim may happily agree to take on the groups beliefs, since whoring out to the art and drama club kids didn't work. In very rare cases a very ill-informed newbie tries to recruit either a "popular bitchy rich WASP" type or a "hippie-hating neo-nazi" type. After the defenseless victim begins to verbally abuse and tear apart the recruiter, a large group of grungy looking leftards appear and "debate" the defenseless neo-Nazi by yelling out retarded facts without giving the innocent hippie-hater a chance to get a word in edgewise. These people grow up to be naked protesters, in jail for forced incest, and not much else. That is of course if they even make it to age 30.
As you know, many of these people will die tragically in the most ironic ways like a protest for peace that suddenly gets violent, or suffocating after accidentally falling asleep with their gas-mask bong on and lit, or possibly from hugging a tree so hard the branches shake and a rare poisonous spider falls out killing them instantly...the same species of spider they were in support of saving from endangerment.
ways to spot this breed
- Long wavy hair on head, under armpits, legs, pelvic area, and facial for both men and women.
- Outfits consist of earthy colors, t-shirts advertising some cause or person, Acadia sandals, ANYTHING MADE OUT OF RECYCLED MATERIAL.
- Seen constantly trying to debate and push their "superior" idea's on people who don't really give a fuck. Sometimes resulting in aggravated person harming the annoying parasite.
- Carries their nalgene water bottle and autographed copy of Fahrenheit 9/11 everywhere.
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Because Australia is on the opposite side of the world, everything they do is fucked up, and that means they call conservatives liberals and insert random Us when spelling
colored coloured. Leftard Australians had learnt that the rest of the world had no idea what the fuck they were on about, so they now resort to using the terms "small L liberal", for a liberal, and "big L Liberal" to refer to the conservative's. If you encounter an Australian that does this, punch them in the face and steal his beer as required by Australian law. And then let the booting begin. Because if it's on the Simpsons it has to be true.
A leftard obviously shat out this brilliant cartoon:
How Labor wants to be like Liberals
Liberalism in cartoon form
The wonders of Cultural Marxism
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Libtards want to murder conservatives
In Soviet Russia, liberalism has уou
Vladimir Zhirnovsky of the Liberal Democratic Party of Russia declares his point of view:
Liberalism wins at 3:30
List of Liberals/Libtards
- Al Gore
- Al Sharpton
- Alvin Greene
- America's Third Party
- Anthony Weiner
- Barack Hussein Obama
- Bill Clinton
- Black Jesus
- Dennis Kucinich
- D. C. Simpson
- Ed Rendell
- Eliot Spitzer
- Harrison Ford
- Henry Waxman
- Hillary Clinton
- Howard Dean
- James Fagan
- Jean Chretien
- Jesse Jackson
- Jew Lieberman
- John Edwards
- John Howard
- John F. Kennedy
- John Kerry
- Lyndon Johnson
- Lyndon LaRouche
- Mark B. Cohen
- Michael Moore
- Nancy Pelosi
- Nick Clegg
- Peggy A. Lautenschlager
- Robert Byrd
- Rod Blagojevich
- Ron Kind
- Seth MacFarlane
Things Liberals like to do
- Pay taxes
- Go on to Yahoo and pretend to be a Republican, whilst doing so, call people "niggers, kikes, jews, etc" to make it look like Republicans are racist.
- Allocate federal funds to the Black Panthers (because they are a victimized group that needs protection).
- Call conservatives white supremacists for not supporting welfare, and then remind those listening that most people on welfare are white (this can also be done in reverse order).
- Suddenly pretend to be a stalwart patriot now that Obama is in office, using terms like "my fellow Americans" in the most corny and phony sounding ways possible.
- Act like conservatives are the most racist people on Earth and then complain about racism in Hollywood (which is overwhelmingly liberal).
- Taking offense when called "liberal."
- Overuse and misapply the word "ignorant."
- Overuse and misapply the word "propaganda."
- Bite on a lemon while getting barebacked by another fellow AIDS-infected liberal.
- Contribute absolutely nothing to society whatsoever.
- Majoring in underwater basket-weaving and complaining about unemployment.
- Making up for their shitty repetitive arguments with passive-aggressive edginess.
- Pour your Starbucks coffee.
- Buy Apple Products
- Join PETA
- Have sex and kill your baby
- Install a $10,000 Home Security System to fend off home invasions without using the liberal's arch enemy, the gun.
- Go to a church, throw a grenade in the door, run. Repeat steps in different towns.
- Quote 1984, Animal Farm, or Brave New World]]
- Post long-winded rants that turn into flame wars
- Burn Bibles but not Korans because liberals think Islam is "beautiful" and "peaceful" since it is not a part of Western civilization and is therefore "exotic" to them (even though orthodox Islam is the complete antithesis of liberalism).
- Have long discussions about the movie BioDome
- Throw money at a problem and hope it goes away
- Tax and spend
- Listen to Phish
- Brag about their superior taste in music
- Have unprotected underage sex in their trailer parks or ghetto blocks.
- Deny that trailer trash are considered liberals despite the evidence that they are.
- Kill their baby and in the same day protest the execution of a necrophiliac, mass murdering rapist.
- Hate your own race (if you're white)
- Claim to be against racism but look the other way when big black thugs pick on the nerdy Azn kids in the back of the bus or harass Arab and Indian gas station attendants.
- Sabotage their own presidential campaign
- Call everyone "racist" and/or "Nazi" even though they practice opportunistic "silent" racism (the token black guy/girl custom)
- Patronize minorities from the comfort of their white gated-off suburban neighborhoods.
- Clutch their wallets/purses for dear life when they come in the presence of said minorities.
- Use words such as "hegemony" excessively, which they pretend to understand but secretly do not.
- Drive SUVs.
- Listen to Conservative talk radio. There is no liberal talk radio, so liberals listen to Bill O'Reilly, then call him a fat stupid asshole and disagree with everything he says. Then they fail to realize that
he too is a liberalhe is a douchebag playing a role.
- Blame all societal ills on Faux News.
- Watch furry porn
- Try to ban cigarettes while lobbying for the legalization of pot.
- Continue the rebellious period in their teen years where most people say "FUCK YOU" to their parents then grow out of it. Liberals still hate daddy for spanking them after catching them in the closet jacking off on the cat's fur.
- Associate God, Republicans, Police and Military figures (U.S. Military, they would rub any invading country's soldier's balls while they raped them in the ass) - basically anyone with authority because they remind them of their daddy. The only adult figures who are accepted by Liberals are their pot smoking whacked out college professors because they remind them of the stoner uncle they had that broke their ass-hymen for the first time.
- Be all around hypocritical.
- Call people fascists, while printing out shitloads/spraying graffiti of their own propaganda.
- Protest the cutting of trees with huge paper signs that are sometimes stapled to a piece of lumber.
- Claim they care about said trees, and then spike them in an effort to kill loggers.
- Take it in the ass
- Attend art school.
- End all of their anti-conservative smears with a question mark, a clever political slogan or "oh wait."
- Live in California, Massachusetts, Illinois or New York.
- Marry people from other cultures, or possibly their own sex.
- Join Wikipedia.
- Complain, again
- Wear tie-dyed Che Guevara shirts
- Accuse institutions and countries they disagree with of apartheid and fascism while not knowing that the terms are actually self-descriptive.
- Complain, yet again
- Talk about how Republicans fuck everything up without giving solutions.
- Brag about diversity in the U.S. while disregarding the diversity amongst Spanish-speaking countries by enforcing the social myth that everyone and everything with a Spanish-speaking background is brown and oppressed. They seriously don't give a shit about the different peoples or cultures as long as they get their votes and cheap alien labor.
- Complain moar
- Take it in the ass a few more times, while complaining.
- Forcing other people to apologize
- Protest (like the politicians give a shit)
- Make conspiracies
- Repetitively list "Complain" like a 13-year-old boy
- Worship Scientology and Obama
- Act stereotypically Conservative for the lulz -This case is extremely rare, as it is made entirely of awesome and win, with not an ounce of the usual liberal ingredients, pot and complaint.
- Suffocate while complaining.
- Trying to trap and fuck Manbearpig.
- Letting people know that they have a lot of multicultural friends.
- Forming cults
- Waste news time by protesting
- Believe minorities are incorruptible.
- Send food and money to starving niggers in Africa instead of feeding their fellow Americans who are homeless.
- Edit Wikipedia to say that white people aren't the indigenous people of Europe. Srsly].
- Try to get things censored, instead of parodying it.
- Attempt to convince people that they are a victim.
- Purposely leave out the "illegal" in illegal immigration.
- Call illegal aliens (aka mexishits) "undocumented workers."
- Put more sand up their vagina.
- List that repetitively listing "Complain" is something that Liberals do on their own page, like the retards that they are.
- Elect a Kenyan socialist as president
- Whine that the United States "illegally" freed Afghanistan and Iraq, then whine that the United States isn't illegally involved in Darfur.
- Celebrate the death of Milton Friedman
- Force evolution into public schools
- Insist that the U.S. shouldn't be purchasing oil from the Middle East while at the same time protesting any drilling for oil in Alaska
- Praise China and Maoism while simultaneously wanting a free Tibet
- Assume all Latinos speak Spanish.
- Make up fake diseases like assburgers and restless legs syndrome.
- Suck each others cocks
- Suck John Keynes' cock
- Suck Trayvon Martin's dead black cock
- Have dyslexia: See the word Kenyan instead of Keynesian and thus assume all attacks on Obama's economic policies are ad homonems.
- Offer Watermelons and Fried chicken to their black idols.
- Say things like "Combat Liberalism" despite being an inbred liberal retard, mostly because its convenient.
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Popular Liberal Websites
- Democratic Underground forums -Comparing Obama to Bush gets you instantly permabanned
- Liberal Crime Squad a text based game made by liberals about pwning conservatives
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