LiveJournal Caste System

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A diagram explaining the LiveJournal hierarchial structure

Nearly all of LiveJournal's functionality is available free of charge. Fortunately for Bradfitz, Six Apart and freeloaders who don't like pop-ups, sexual deviants are willing to pay. A smaller number of nerds (who may or may not also be sexual deviants) enjoy the extra features available to paid accounts. "Fill up my paid account" is a common wishlist item of whores.

Thus, the LiveJournal Caste System becomes the unwritten law of most longtime LJ users, based on the Indian notions that:

  • Those who have been here the longest are better than you.
  • Those who pay for LiveJournal are better than you.

This simple system is guaranteed to piss off just about everybody.

The Different Levels of the Caste

The LiveJournal Caste can be separated into four groups.

Early Adopters

You can find early adopters here.

Consider the Early adopter as the elders of the LiveJournal community. They were likely in the ass of Brad Fitzpatrick long before he became rich and beautiful, and have definitely been around for longer than 5 years, which means they know how LiveJournal works and you should just shut your piehole and listen, dang nabbit.

While they regard themselves as trend-setters, in reality they are serious losers (think of all the people that rush to register all their names on the fad-sites like Friendster, MySpace, Thefacebook etc.). Early adopters are sort of like freeloaders, except that they get diplomatic immunity from attacks on LJ's server leeches. They get many, but not all, of the paid account features, but don't need them anyways, because they know how LJ was in the good old days.

Permanent Account Users

Permanent account users are the envy of LiveJournalers everywhere. To have a permanent account means that you're either rich and beautiful or insanely e-popular enough to have people spend at least $100 or more on your free service.

There was, however, one interesting wrinkle. Much like royalty, the permanent account owners were around. Whenever LiveJournal needed a new server or was low on money, Brad Fitzpatrick would sell a handful of permanent accounts for $100, which would negate the need for users to renew their accounts every year. This, of course, would create a feeding frenzy every time permanent accounts were released, and predictably inundate every news post with "OMG I want a permanent account!"

These are the elites, and they're better than paid users because they came through when LiveJournal needed them the most. They're also the least likely to delete their LiveJournal because it's become an investment for them. Or because they're ashamed they were effectively whored up for money by an internet fad.

The Permanent Account Fire Sale

On June 7, 2005, LiveJournal decided to have a permanent account sale. To sweeten the pot, they allowed 100 user icons and unlimited sales in a 24 hour period, but made them cost $150.

This, of course, made every user's friends page explode with people begging for permanent accounts. A smart user would have said pictures plz, and then failed to follow through, but many people were simply looking for an LJ fairy. Some enterprising users even made requests for the balance of paid time.

Either way, if you were to check LiveJournal the following day, you'd see many emo tears shed by those who couldn't afford permanent accounts, didn't present enough boob shots, or weren't e-popular enough for someone to give them a permanent account.

Those who have a paid account have paid money for the privilege to have more userpics and shit on those who haven't paid any money. There's nothing very special about paid users, except that they single-handedly subsidize the LiveJournal system for all the freeloaders.

LiveJournal statistics indicate that less than 2% of LiveJournal users end up paying for the service. However, if you spoke to a paid user, they would have you believe that everyone pays for their LiveJournal except for the people who whine the most about the service.

Either way, paid users are normally the ones that are in most of the LJ action. They are higher up than the free users, but are not loserly enough to purchase permanent accounts. If LJ was IRL, these people would live in Bethesda.

Free Account Users

The welfare families of LiveJournal, these people get the bare minimum in terms of features, the scraps from the table, etc. They're the free users, and everyone who isn't one hates them.

Free account users constitute the vast majority of LiveJournal accounts. Since approximately over 9000 of them are troll accounts of Brainlesswonder's, the numbers are skewed a little bit, but, needless to say, they're still the largest group of users.

Free account users are the most likely to whine about the service, and usually the type who will get the response of "Why don't you pay for your journal" by the elites.

From December 2005, these welfare families have been given the ability to have twice as many userpics than they used to. It sounded impressive, but when you realize that they only had the capability to store 3 pictures in the first place, it's a crap deal.

Some poor retards are so pitiful that they require sponsorship from charitable organizations such as porn sites and oil companies. On the genitals of sponsored accounts, parasitic ads piggyback into LiveJournal, where they immediately infect Free Account Users: the vast majority of LiveJournal users. There the parasites will continue to multiply until they become a LiveJournal pandemic. The prognosis for the entire population of LiveJournal is appalling.

See also

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