London Olympics

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Because there are lots of Pink Swastikas floating around!
The £400,000 craptastrophe.
Animated Web 2.0 version. Looks even moar like buttsecks.
Party Hard London!
Look at it.

It all began Last Thursday, when officials revealed the hip new London 2012 Olympics logo to the public. This new logo was supposed to be urban, awesome, active and extreme; however, it turned out to be one of the most ghastly sights since the public broadcast of Janet Jackson's nipple piercing. The cost of this logo to British taxpayers was a whopping £400,000 (about $604,000). Yes, it cost that much for someone to draw two simple, ugly geometric figures with a pair of highlighters.

The public's reaction was nothing short of outrage, and the logo was described as "a broken swastika" [1]. It's amazing how the campaign was so bad that it's brought back nightmares of World War 2 and the Holocaust. Some even claim it's a jewish logo spelling out "Zion." In fact, careful examination of the design will invariably reveal its resemblance to two people having buttsecks. You see it now!

None of the British public like it. A 13 year old boy could've done better for a fiver!

Animated Epilepsy Version

As though the standard logo wasn't bad enough, the official website also featured a flash animation of the logo in action. The animated version involving a diver flashed so rapidly that it caused epileptic fits across Britain, exactly what Pokemon did to Japan and the Church of Scientology did to the Epilepsy Foundation. The offending animation was removed from the site, but a segment of the animation has been preserved on ED for those who are still interested in what it feels like to have a seizure.

Fan-Created Designs

As a result of the increasing outrage over the logo many different fan versions were submitted to the official site and numerous others keen to cash in on all those delicious Olympian-clicks. Most of them were desperately poor and riddled with cancer however, there was one design that stood out amongst all the others:

As featured by the BBC.


Yes, someone was smart enough to implement the beloved Goatse into their submission thereby creating possibly one of the greatest and most lulzworthy symbols ever devised. It even made it onto live television. The person responsible for the playful tomfoolery was a poster on the British imageboard B3ta.

Of course, since jews have a hand in most of the world's entertainment in some way or another it seems as if they found a way to weasel their way into the 2012 Olympics by subliminally spelling out "ZION" in the logo.

False Flag Attack Conspiracy

Many believe that a carefully orchestrated terrorist or 'nuclear' attack is about to be staged, to unify the planet and usher in a New World Order, based upon the presence of swastika and Illuminati-symbolism (subliminally transmitted to the brain) as depicted in the following video:


The Great Ceremony

The butthurt is obvious.
Germany showing that they are ready to do it again

Basically this arse of a "display" started off with a magnificent delving into the uncared realms of English history on a set that looked uncannily like where the Teletubbies live. Deep, deep into the unexplored histories of boredom where mutton-chopped crap actors wandered around the stage like lost souls in a mystic pub. All the while, idiotic commentators blathered into their spit covered microphones about the importance and significance of all these period clothed twats.

Finally, after Kenneth Branagh had finished his cigar chomping gurn-fest, strutting around the Olympic playfield like a demi-god, large polystyrene sculptures of implied penor jutted out of the ground, while the grinning volunteers dances merrily around the balls, happy for their twelve seconds of fame.

London 2012 is officially DB approved.
WACKY WAVING INFLATABLE ARM FLAILING TUBE MAN! WACKY WAVING INFLATABLE ARM FLAILING TUBE MAN!

Then shit got really weird, really fast. In a tribute to the fact that, unlike some other retard countries, Britain has a rich literary tradition and free national healthcare service, J.K. Rowling came out in front of the crowd and read a section from Peter Pan, displaying a surprisingly dull reading voice for somebody globally regarded as a master storyteller. Then a load of sick kids where wheeled in on glowing hospital beds by doctors and nurses who proceeded to dance around to the theme from The Exorcist like characters from a Andrew Lloyd-Weber musical while their youthful charges presumably slowly died of cancer and AIDS.

The doctors and nurses eventually fucked off, but then, suddenly a load of guys dressed in black appeared and started to menace the children, before an enormous inflatable Voldemort began to rise out of the ground. There were also a few other villainous characters, including a giant inflatable Queen of Hearts, a giant inflatable Cruella de Vil and a giant inflatable Mr. Punch, but those faggots aren't nearly as marketable as Voldemort and so nobody gave a fuck about them.

Then, because nobody appeared to know what the fuck was going on at this point, over 9000 Mary Poppinses descended from the sky and wrecked Voldemort's shit. Everybody in the audience, both in the stadium and at home, just kind of shrugged and went with it.

All the while, renowned wax-faced David Beckham was clumsily driving a speedboat around the Thames, with a strategically placed token black girl holding the Olympic zippo lighter quivering with undeserved joy. This eventually culminated in a gangbang of shitty unknown sportsman setting fire to a great shinning flame in the center of the olympic stadium, simply illuminating Britains inability to create something even close to the grand Chinese drum/firework/child labor explosion of an opening ceremony in the previous lolympics.

And to top the entire mountain of bollocks off, Paul McCartney shambled onto the stage and croaked out a wheezy dying man's version of "Hey Jude", but not before the Arctic Monkeys had turned up to play that one song of theirs. Just to remind everyone in England that all their real pop stars are dead, dragging the entire country's respectabiilty into the grave with them.

Despite being a tribute to British history, little was shown about Britain's long record at scamming, pillaging, raping and obliterating other countries, a great pity for the audience, as that would surely have made the ceremony a lot more entertaining - although, admittedly, seeing all the people from other countries coming over to Great Britain and planting their flag in the soil in the hopes of going home with gold could be interpeted as being somewhat akin to colonialization, just in reverse.

Understandably, Her Majesty, the Queen looked completely fucked off throughout the whole shamefur dispray.

Meanwhile in America, TV networks censored the London Olympics opening ceremony because they thought it was too 'liberal'. Countries like Saudi Arabia, on the other hand, left it uncensored. Some argue, however, that it had nothing to do with politics and that it was simply because Americans aren't gay enough to want to watch that crap.


   
 
It was actually the truth about this country in the last two or three hundred years told in a big, dynamic way.

People say it was all leftie stuff. That is nonsense. I'm a Conservative and I had hot tears of patriotic pride from the beginning.
 


 
 

Boris Johnson, mayor of London.

A Challenger Appears: Chicago 2016!...oh shit, it's Rio 2016

Rio shows off its massive dick.

President Obama, his wife and Oprah Winfrey spent quite a lot of time in Copenhagen, petitioning for Chicago to be the location for the 2016 games. Obama feels that Greece and England shouldn't have all the fun by keeping graft and waste-ridden athletic competitions to themselves, and needs to feed his ego by being a president who personally brings Olympic games to the USA. Obama was pressured by Oprah and his homies back on the street to get the games so they could get all that IOC money to dress up parts of the ghetto. That is tear down some housing projects, throwing some poor niggers on the street to build a state of the art Olympic village for the athletes. Construct more overpriced venues so they can overcharge the IOC to build facilities with low standard materials, and cheap labor so they can pocket the difference. After the games are over let the facilities become abandoned and fall to ruin to be overrun by the same squatters they threw out on the street 4 years prior.

If Chicago had hosted the games, new logos and the city's storied tradition of political crony-ism and corruption would surely have generated enormous lulz. But Obama and his wife decided that he was so amazing with the Nigra Powers that they only gave 20 minutes speeches after a crappy video about how great Chicago is. Then again they both probably knew their beloved city did not stand a chance to Rio. Rio has things that Chicago didn't, Hot Beaches, Hot naked girls, titties and Hot underage naked girls, which won over the crown in Copenhagen, the CP capital of Europe. All Chicago has is Lake Michigan with fat slobs laying on the beach.

Alas, Chicago was voted out on the first round. There goes the chance that Chicagoan Marc Griffin's High Caliber Table Game, Bulletball, would become an Olympic Sport. However, Rio does have shantytown slums, beaches, hot bitches and a child prostitution network that even ACORN would evny. This raises Pedobear's hopes that Bangkok, Thailand will one day host the games. With Fox News and Obama's conservative opponents voicing concerns of President Obama's crony corruption, and a video of a kid being beaten to death in that fine city. With these corruption and safety concerns the IOC decided to give the 2016 games to Rio a city just as run down and corrupt and crime ridden a chance to suck on the International money tits. So now Rio can tear down the favela's, throwing niggers out on the street, to build an Olympic village and facilities that will be abandoned after use, to fall to ruin and be overrun by the same squatters they threw out 4 years prior. They are already well on their way with creating a shitty logo that is being blamed for plagiarism.

In a nutshell

A Better Alternative



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Featured article April 17, 2008
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