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Los Angeles

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

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Police.gif "Come for the weather. Stay because you fail at life."

Looks great on the postcard...
..not so much in real life.
Most Angelenos think that Los Angeles is the only city in California

Los Angeles is the largest city in the state of California, and one of the largest in the US. Considered to be a drama epicenter and generally fun place to visit if you're looking for a homosexual partner, L.A. is the cool kid's table of the West Coast. Earthquakes have been known to happen every five minutes. Notable lolcows such as Jesuitx, Hathor the Cow Goddess and estruscan live there. Unlike New York City, Los Angeles is spread out far and wide, much like your mom.


About LA

Los Angeles (AKA "helLA") is home to Hollywood, an epicly failed attempt of Jews to rewrite history and render their stereotype positive. The rest of the country depends on Hollywood for shitty entertainment (besides New York, which produces the second largest amount of shitty entertainment). Republicans hate places like attention whore L.A., since it's the only other group of douchebags that unopinionated and impressionable drones of American society listen to (other than them).

L.A. is home to the infamous LAPD, known for their policy of "beat the shit out of the coloreds, ask questions later". The fair city has played host to many major news events, such as the Michael Jackson trial, the O.J. Simpson trial, the anorexia of Mary-Kate Olsen, and Britney Spears' hair, weight, and vagina. This is because most of the child molesters and murderers in the US all live in LA. They do this because they know they'll be declared "not guilty" whenever they decide to rape children or kill people. This is thanks to the typical L.A. jury, which consists of common Los Angeles citizens who are all apparently pro-pedophilia, pro-violence, and pro-homicide to get this close to Tom Cruise.

It's a little known fact that no one has actually been born in Los Angeles in at least 100 years. If you go into any hospital in LA and ask where the maternity ward is, the nurse will laugh, punch you in the dick, and have you removed from the premises. Everyone in Los Angeles is from somewhere else, most often from Mexico, New York, China, Korea, Israel, or Iran. Most of the immigrants to Los Angeles come from third world nations, thus, they don't realize that not having public transportation, regular street cleaning, police patrols, reliable sanitation, or clean air and water are bad things for a major metropolis.


Everyone with an ego(very satanic) bigger than their penis must at some point move to Los Angeles. Seriously, it's the law. It was initially intended to get all of the obnoxious, self-important braggarts from parts of the United States into one area, so they could nuke them and not have to deal with them anymore. But they unexpectedly created movie studios and produced some humorous films, and so it was decided that maybe we could keep those denizens around for a few more years, especially since it would be cheaper to just wait until the whole area sinks into the Pacific Ocean. The film and music industry attracts people from all over the Midwest who think that they're too awesome for their little podunk towns. Convinced that they'll end up in movies or with a band that's as original as Linkin Park, they flock en masse and float the economy boat of Los Angeles by buying drugs and BMW's with money borrowed from their parents back in IRL-land.

LA is a racial cornucopia. Virtually every country is represented here with a suburb of its own. The majority of these follow the formula Countrytown, or Little Country, e.g. Little Armenia, Chinatown. These small towns also have nicknames. Little Armenia is often referred to as Bignosia. Lots of Jews and Russians live here too. Despite their differences, they all can rejoice in knowing they support the raping of children and the murders of innocent people.

The truth is, though, the people that live in LA love it. They also love to talk with homosexual accents. Unlike cities such as New York, people don't market "I <3 L.A." logos on various cheap products, possibly because anyone caught wearing an "I <3 L.A." shirt would be labled as not just a homosexual, but a homosexual with piss-poor fashion sense, and then shot. This is a sign that Los Angeles is secure with its sexuality (which is 100% gay) and does not need to be boisterous and loudmouthed to feel good about itself.

But unfortunately, having all these people living together leads to race riots between blacks and latinos (because obviously the white man is not the source of their problems) in the LA Unified School District's high schools, the pride and joy of the city. Being the spawning ground of the country's most homosexual gangs (like the Crips and Bloods) adds to the problem.

Notable Residents

Info non-talk.png This list needs an expansion. Get to work!

Public Transportation

You're kidding, right? Use the freeway, dumbass.


Los Angeles professional sports teams include the Lakers, Clippers, Dodgers, Rioting Niggers, Jew Media Giants, and Galaxy, all of which are quite shitty. However, sports is a big business in Los Angeles, as the population is largely Mexican, who love sports. Their two main loves are the Dodgers (pronounced "Doyers") and the Oakland Raiders.

Most of the sports teams are homegrown. Except for the Dodgers, which was stolen from New York when LA realized they were all talentless homos who would orgasm at the thought of the famous baseball 'ass slap'. Also, the Lakers are from Minnesota, a place that actually has lakes. And the Clippers are from Buffalo, NY. Come to think of it, none of these teams are homegrown. LA stole them, like they stole everything else they've ever had.

It should be mentioned that although Los Angeles is home to the WNBA's Sparks, the team has not had a single game, due to the players working in the kitchen all day.


Los Angeles has only 3 seasons: Wildfire, Oil Slick, and Freezing.

Wildfire is a time when amateur pyromaniacs and homeless drunks dazzle the city with their skills in arson. Watch as the hills set the night alight, literally! Prizes are awarded to persons who can evacuate the most homes, cause the most brushfires, and get away scott free.

Oil Slick (sometimes known as "Slip n' Slide Week") is a rare moment in Los Angeles. For a few days, you can watch the beauty of watching the first rains fall on the city. You can also stick around and watch the rain lift the oil and grease off the streets and freeways and cause the first of many accidents.

Freezing describes any period when the thermometer drops below 80° F. While the rest of the country freezes their tits off during winter, Angelenos will often tweet to their friends in Jew York about how today was soooo cold, it was only 60°!!!1 During this time, most chollos will head up to the mountains, park their pickups in the middle of the road, and prance around in the 2 inches of snow. If you try to join in, they'll cut you.


Nothing of lasting musical interest (except The Doors, The Beach Boys, and Frank Zappa) was created in L.A. Some Angelenos claim that Los Angeles was the birthplace of rap, but we all know that's bullshit. However, Los Angeles IS the birthplace of "wiggerism" which helped geniuses like Eminem to blossom.

Judicial System

As mentioned before, the LA justice system is currently 0 fer .* when deciding on a verdict in a largely publicized trial. Remember the Los Angeles Riots after the Rodney King verdict? Idiots.


The Hollywood Cock of Fame

There are rumors that LA has a skyline. Some people have made claims that in the early morning, they have been able to see through the infectious cloud and see what is described as "four 10-story abandoned buildings" which is now known as "Downtown LA". Eyewitnesses have also reported seeing hipsters nesting like rats in many of the outlying abandoned factories. Any tourist idiotic enough to wander around this area will most likely end up like this Canuck.

There is another rumor that there is a sign that says "HOLLYWOOD" somewhere north of the city of the same name. This has only been sighted by tourists, though, and is thusly regarded as bullshit.

One thing it does have for sure, though, is freeways. Everywhere. Giant, snaking concrete monsters that cause any actual architecture of note to be blocked from the average pedestrian's eyes, due to the copious amount of smog that these ugly grey beasts piss into the air. They may be an eyesore, but they act as the city's immune system. Tourists, retards, Azns, and old people smart enough to know that L.A.'s public transport is a joke will attempt to use the freeways. However, because they don't realize that residents prefer driving over 5 mph, they'll be overwhelmed by the blinding speed, panic, and careen into the barrier.

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