Lukeywes1234

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Luke, hyperventilating over his unprecedented success
File:Needthatdone.png
Luke hands out the orders
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More important than Bob Saget or Michigan State Football!
File:Staredadluke.png
/b/oylove more like it, amirite?
File:Paranormalactivity2.jpg
The ghost is close.

Lukeywes1234 aka "THE YOUTUBE JESUS" is an 8 year old Nintendo fanboy who captured the attention of /b/tards with a number of retarded videos about Luigi and Star Wars slideshows to Nu-Metal. On top of this, the fat nintendophile had made a video begging for subscribers (or subbers as he refers to them) so that he could reach a target of 50 before February. What made this situation particularly strange was that instead of bursting into fits of rage or apathy, a significant number of /b/asement dwellers took it upon themselves to deliver this kid his subscriptions. The war cries of over 9000 were all too familiar and the challenge was set: get this sad excuse for a child over 9000 subscriptions asap and revel in the brix shat as a result. During the ensuing campaign they took to him like a dick to a vagina. And thus, as a result some claimed that this adorable little 8 year old boy had become the new king of /b/.

Contents


Subscription Updates

Below shows just how much his fanbase grew in just over one day which some say is a testament to the power of anonymous while others see it as a sign of just how much free time these idiots have to piss away into the tubes.

1/2/10  : 11 Subscriptions
1/3/10 (08:11 AM EST): 9,001 Subscriptions
1/3/10 (2:27PM EST) : 11,669 Subscriptions
1/3/10 (8:50PM EST) : 13,000 Subscriptions
1/4/10 (1:34AM EST) : 14,000 Subscriptions
1/4/10 (1:04PM EST) : LOL SUSPENDED


Who's Responsible For Suspending Him?

Updated at: 12/1/10 Butthurt Christfag (with apparent connections to WBC): http://www.youtube.com/joshchristian99

A remarkably naive Christian fundamentalist. His name is JoshChristian99, AKA Rydall Cooper. He is a fat 14 year old troll who says he's Northern Irish and he easily gets butthurt. Here is his dox:

  • Cell Phone Number: (916) 233 1617
  • Home Address: 8 Oleander Cir.Lakeland, FL (If you go to a IP address search website and type in his IP address, it says he lives in Redford, MI.)
  • Home Phone Number: (847) 347 8213
  • twitter: joshu2uber
  • Skype: Joshchristian100
  • MSN: [email protected]
  • Xbox Live: benjurduck
  • IP adress: 24.210.101.11
  • myspace: rydallisthebomb
  • sisters myspace: ilyk2muvitmuvit

Update at: August 14, 2010

At long last, JoshChristian99 is suspended. With all the butthurt comments he receive and running out of what to say for so long he's finally gone. And everyone party hard to the suspension of JoshChristian99.

The Super Luigi Super Show

Lukeywes1234 has a running series in which he makes wonderfully funny skits not too dissimilar to Robot Chicken using characters from the Mario universe. We half expect this show to be commissioned by a major network soon such as HBO or at least FOX. Below is a very good episode guide to get you started (All the links are dead. Faggot Jewtube):

Episode 101: Super Luigi

Luigi is spending the morning with Princess Daisy when a Shyguy abducts her. Luigi promptly battles another Shyguy and travels to Bowser's castle, where Daisy is imprisoned. Inside the castle, Luigi defeats another Shyguy and rescues Daisy. What happens next really says a lot about Luke's psychological state, and is a little hard to describe. Go ahead and see for yourself.

Episode 103: Luigi's Computer

Luigi introduces his computer in more detail. From what we can tell, Luke (or Luigi) uses Windows XP and Internet Explorer. He shows us a few Youtube videos and expresses outrage at the commercial interests that Nintendo is pursuing with the Mario franchise.

Episode 104: Looking at Some of Luigi's Other Stuff

Luigi introduces us to Daisy, Mario, Bomb-bomb, Yoshi, Goomba, Shyguy, and a Bullet-Bill. Luigi gets philosophical and calls a camelflage sack mindless, heartless, and not alive.

Episode 105: Luigi's New Year's Food

Luigi shows us his New Year's celebration food, including cake, chips, donuts, and dip. He then talks about his mother and grandmother and kind of rambles off.

Episode 106: Luigi's Room

Luigi shows us his Yu-Gi-Oh cards, books, and Wii remotes. Luigi talks about a bitter feud he had with Mario and how they are no longer brothers. Apparently Mario slept with Daisy and Luigi slept with Peach. Go figure.

Episode 107: Under the Pillows

In this passion-filled episode, Luigi reveals to the audience his affair with Mario's mother, and goes under some pillows to hide from his brother. Mario finds his hiding spot, and before Luigi fleas again, he fulfills an audience request and shouts "My subscriptions are OVER 9000!!!"


   
 
Do you know why I have this aluminium foil on my head?
 

 
 

Luke - well do you?

But where's the Drama?

File:Aboutmysubs.png
Bitches really don't know
The Shitstorm Begins

In a repeat of the famous Dusty the Cat raids of February 2009, Shitholeland became a savage battlefield of cliché wars, mostly like the one a year before, but in a smaller scale: cancerous threads of faggots claiming about "how much /B/ has changed" since back then, giving the impression that indeed they ate all the Fox 11 News report bullshit. But instead of keep going on with the usual shitstorm, some mature elements decided to post the true: the only ones whining about how much good was the old /b/ were indeed 13 years old emo boys that barely know what Waha was, and too much retarded to stay on chans dedicated to the matter of raids without being assraped. Rage came down like a truck rolling down a cliff, and butthurt and trolling rained all over the board alongside "post your X face", "post ends in X" and another usual useless threads, and suddenly it wasn't about the boy anymore.

Internet culture experts blame the inability for /b/ to declare a win on the increased amount of "newfags" inhabiting the site.

A Challenger Appears

She called Luke a retard.

Last Thursday a bitch claiming to be Liart66 went on /b/ requesting they give her over 9000 subscribers like they did for "that little kid". She insisted she was more deserving of btards love and devotion because she's "trying to make the world a better place" and "destroying conformity" with ExileAsylum.net and her youtube videos.

/b/ made the demand of tits or gtfo and she complied with shots from her modeling portfolio. After actually watching her videos and reading her ED page they laughed and told her to take her 13 year old boy tits and just gtfo. She then made a variety of claims such as working on "high profile media efforts" and assuring people that what she said on the Tyra Show was correct, and that "god will punish" /b/ for laughing at her, and that she would "pull out [her] 9 and shoot" /b/tards in the face if she met them irl. /b/ responded by laughing some more and leaving flames on her shitty website.

The video in question:

Success - The Day /b/ Showed Its Heart

At around 08:10 AM EST success was achieved when lukeywes1234 had officially gained over 9000 subscribers in around two days and was now wielding a power level mightier than any other 15 year old on Jew Tube. The world now sat with their fingers primed on their F5 keys awaiting the little fat mans reaction to achieving efame over night thanks to the hero that Gotham city has been waiting for. With an epic amount of subscribers, a Google hot topic and a decent number of tweets under the little nintendophiles belt, /b/ felt that its (uncharacteristic) campaign had been a success. They had given a beacon of hope to their inner child that was as effective as sending a letter to the past telling themselves never to browse onto 4chan.

File:Over9000luke.png
Over 9000 subscribers
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Internet Love Machine



Media

So far the only elite journalists to have picked up on this tear jerking story are

Quotes

   
 
Me and giggidy869 are trying to get 50 subscribers by February and...err...we're gonna need that done.
 

 
 

—Luke

   
 
STFU, you pimply little fucking underageb& newfags. YOU fuckers are the cancer that is killing /b/. Always have been. Always will be. TEENAGE RAAAAAAAGE!! Hurp. Derp. Let's go fuck up some 8 year old kid and send him death threats, call him fat and order him pizzas!!!! GTFO, you wannabe badasses. Go fuckin' pick on someone who is at least able to try to fuckin' fight back. There is no LULZ here. Just a bunch of fuckin' teenagers trying to look like internet tough guys going after some fuckin' fat little kid who did fuck all to incur /b/'s wrath. Take your teenage fuckery and GTFO.
 

 
 

—Anonymous

   
 
THIS FAGGOT IS NOT OUR GODDAM KING. WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK IS WRONG WITH ALL OF YOU IDIOTS.

I browse /b/ every day. I see threads with gore, vore, chubby, cp, even furry and cancer post your pic threads. And you know what? I'm ok with it. I can look at these things and accept them as part of /b/, whether cancerous or not.

But I take a look at the lukefags worshipping an 8yo faggot for reasons that cannot even be given a decent explanation, and it makes me sick to my fucking stomach. I could understand were this kid to have done something noteworthy, say, brutally murdered his mother or stolen a police car or what the fuck ever. But no, you chose a kid who plays with toys and declare him "king". This was all started by a group of 20 anons or so, promoting this fag so he could get subs, and you all fell for the trolls. Though cancerous, I was partially ok with the bawksy wars, simply because the controversy over her eccentric and odd epersona was legit. You fags worship this cunt because, why? For the lulz? There are no lulz with this, in fact I am ashamed to even call myself a /b/tard with you faggots.

You are the cancer.
 


 
 

—Anonymous

   
 
The reason /b/ shouldn't destroy him is because we get far more satisfaction out of supporting him than we could ever hope to get out of taking him down. First, he is 8 years old and probably only recently discovered the internet. He is legitimately shocked and excited that he is getting more subscribers. This isn't some 13 year old boy hollering and giving "mad props" to his "boyz" about how many people are feeling him. Second, the most lulzy and d'aaaaw-worthy thing in the world is a CNN interview with this kid wearing one of his Mario t-shirts that I wished I owned. Let's keep upping the number. Finally, destroying him has no benefit. Worst case scenario for him is that he gets sad and his mom doesn't let him use the internet. We don't get any reaction from him and it isn't funny because he hasn't be antagonistic or done any whoring that would warrant a satisfaction-generating response. tl;dr version: kid is awesome, destroying him isn't as funny as supporting him.
 

 
 

—Anonymous

   
 
I hope this kid gets moar than that fuck Fred, i hate Fred
 

 
 

—Anonymous

   
 
You guys realize we have amazing potential to fuck with TIME, FOX, CNN, and other news outlets that covered 4chan as 'hackers on steroids' right? How will they explain it when we adopt this kid and make him feel awesome? media mindfuck.
 

 
 

—Anonymous

   
 
Lets make this kid something big. Something none of us ever had the chance to be. You never know, he might turn out to be one of our greatest assets in the war on Scientology.
 

 
 

—Anonymous

   
 
He doesn't care what others think of him, he just does what he wants, he is what all anons should want to be.
 

 
 

—Anonymous

   
 
Anon is drawn to Luke primarily due to his awkward, yet innocent social demeanor. His physical imperfections are related to by the common anon, but more importantly, along with his passion for video games and relatively short sighted goals (50 subscribers) embody a youthful innocence that was shared by most of the internet age users of /b/.

/b/ sees themselves in Luke, his youthful innocence finally providing a medium to represent true childhood, our childhood. /b/ wants to fulfill Luke's dreams: Perhaps provide the happiness that the common anon has felt in those remembered moments in his life, or perhaps hasn't felt, and is trying to provide an unforgettable experience to a child, something that was never given to them. A leadership roll, the big brother, completely overwhelming his initially modest goal, undoubtedly providing blinding joy when he wakes up tomorrow and see's what we have done. His joy and happiness will undoubtedly be reflected in ourselves, for we have fulfilled the dreams of a child.
 


 
 

—Anonymous

   
 
We arent some vigilante group righting wrongs. We arent your friends, your buddies or your saviors. Your feelings mean nothing to us. We are human nature unencumbered by pointless ethics, foolish moralities or arbitrary laws and restrictions. We are every dark impulse you have; unrestrained and fully realized. We're what deep down, you wish you were. We exist as a means for instant gratification, purely at our own whim. We have no culture, we have no laws, written or otherwise. We are an autonomous collective, each an insignificant part of a whole. You cannot assimilate us, we do not change. You cannot defeat us, we do not exist. You cannot infiltrate us, we know our own. We do not sleep, we do not eat and we do not feel remorse. You have accomplished nothing, and you will fall. Enjoy your AIDS faggots
 

 
 

—Anonymous

   
 
This is /b/.We are anonymous. Heartless, emotionless, and affectionless, we pick our pray and torment them to the point of self-annihilation. Or at least that's what we are supposed to do. We have gone soft in recent years. We give advice to the helpless people that wear their heart out on their sleeve. (Other than "Go kill yourself, you don't deserve to live anyway." That is the only advice we SHOULD be giving out.) We commonly throw around terms like "wincest" and mock the 9/11 bombings with Will Smith and Hulk Hogan. We shouldn't be nice. We weren't created as we were to be nice. If you are looking to be nice, go to fucking whiteknightchan.org or what ever the hell knock-off is coming next. This unfortunate little fat fuck just happened to be discovered by us here at /b/, and he is our next target. If you feel the need to protect him, then I kindly ask you to leave our evils alone. Let us create our lulz in the meanest, sickest, nastiest ways that we can think to do, and you can go play in traffic.
 

 
 

—Anonymous

   
 
I'm tired of faggots starting new threads about our little /b/rother and telling the rest of us how "their /b/" works. /b/ has no fucking rules. Just a buncha newfags who want to claim they know what makes /b/ tick. If everything Anon did was hate, then we'd be boring and predictable. So fuck you OP and the rest of you niggers who think Anon is just a bunch of hateful sheep.
 

 
 

—Anonymous

   
 
We support him because he reminds us of us before we met us.
 

 
 

—Anonymous

   
 
To find the ghosts we use our detectors. I know it looks like a sword almost...but...but its not.
 

 
 

—Luke

Previous Quote | Next Quote

But, what did we get?

The anti-raid seemed to offer some didactic lessons for the less experienced users in some decisive issues, in the most:

  • No matter which side you take, in a chan civil war you will always be a retard.

Soon after the 9001 subs were achieved, many anons began to wonder "what's next?". Sadly, these same anons thought this after posting in some "ends in XX" thread. Being the horrendously bored angsty teenagers they are, newfags began to take sides, becoming this ironic and yet tender anti-raid in an open-wide civil war. Some even declared it the "Second Civil War", which is of course stupid because /b/ has been in a constant state of civil war since 2006. Calling for reinforcements reached even insurgency's coast, but being the hardcorefags they are, they wisely refused the offer in a polite way. Later that evening newfags realized that fapping to scenetraps was more important than crying about how much more hardcore their /b/ should be, and soon the board went back to its normal cancerous state.

Suspension from YouTube

File:LukeyWes1234.PNG
The found thread

On January 4th 2010, Lukeywes1234 was suspended from YouTube. Immediately after the suspension, of course /b/ was going fucking crazy. This is known as "The /b/tards Who Cried 'BAWWW!'". A thread was found and it has been said to be "Tony B. from the ATX" (which is homo for Austin Texas was the rumored repeated reporter of this fat little ass. JoshU2uber has also claimed responsibility for getting the youtube account of /b/'s pet sausage closed in this video here. What he failed to relaise is that nobody gives a shit because /b/ has the attention span of a fucking earthworm.

Youtube Porn Day Part Deux

File:Pr0nday2010.png
You should do this.

The suspension shocked and offended the masses on /b/, and to them, this meant war. Anonymous had owned Youtube in the past, and now there was reasonable cause for a sequel. On January 6th, legions of butthurt /b/tards will upload copious amounts of porn to Youtube in protest of little Luke's suspension. Or they won't. God wills it. Result: epic fail.

[1] Lulzy article.

Return to YouTube

Much like Jesus lukeywes1234 has risen from the ashes under his new account 4myson100. The new account was created by Luke's mother to prevent suspension by Youtube on the accounts of Underage B&. So far, his mom is already proving to be a nuisance by posting motherly, annoying comments on video responses. This is now gone too.


   
 
Hello,

I've been checking things out for lukeywes1234. I've made this account for him to use he will be back and I will post his things for him. This is his mom. Thank you for encouraging my son and yes he has been devastated by this. He thought the subscribers were awesome and all the awesome comments. I didn't care for the fat comments because he will grow out of it He is only 8. Thank you very much for supporting him. He loves to make his videos.
 


 
 

Mom - Way to embarrass your son in front of the cool kids.


   
 
I just put a video of luke up saying thanks to his mom. I am luke's mom. I thought 4myson was appropriate since he was suspended for his age. I have no idea who this christian guy is. Please stay positive towards luke.
 

 
 

Mom - Stay hip.

Return to YouTube 2: Electric Bugaloo

After 6 years, Luke got his channel back and is uploading videos now.

/b/lackup videos

Immediately after the war about lukeywes1234 began, a smart /b/tard popped up and attempted to pull a Christianu2ber. All the /b/ack-upped videos can be found here. /b/ack-up channel Well fuck this. Anyone got another one?


Gallery

A Good Take on the Matter

See Also

External Links

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Lukeywes1234 is part of a series on YouTube.

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