History of MIT
Atleast 100 years ago, in the year 1337, a bunch of oldskewl science peoples from India got together and decided to form an Instiwute of Techwology in Bombay to escape persecution for faggotry. Inside the compound they assraped young peoples and made much monies. Then one day the compound got raided by the partybicycle (Indians just can't afford partyvans) and all the young peoples were seized. The remaining
pedophiles professers built a time travel machine and teleported the entire "Instiwute" to modern day Boston where they now charge billions of jewgold in tuition to assraep young Asian peoples.
MIT is officially the nerdiest place on the entire fucking planet, surpassing even Tony Stark's cave. Everyone wants to go to MIT, but noone is ever actually accepted there. Professers tend to not give a fuck, a trait MIT shares with many elite colleges.
To get into MIT you must meet these requirements:
- 3,890 of a possible 2,400 on the SAT
- Highschool GPA of atleast 6.45 on the 4.0 scale
- Atleast 100 AP courses
- "Donate" both kidneys the MIT "biological research program"
- Pay over 9000 IRL Jewgold in bribes to each
Due to all these requirements, less than -9,379% of students are admitted.
Also, MIT is the reason for rules 15, 21, 25, 29, 34, 35, 40, 43 and 45. No fucking exceptions.
Rule #26 does not apply at MIT; all the girls are just too damn FUGLY.
It's an Instiwute of Techwology
To make matters worse, the obsessive nature required to take the 100+ AP credits for admissions purposes means there are over 9000 crazy asians contained in one college. This makes for a high an hero rate, along with the constant threat of an Incident.
Things MIT is famous for:
- Manufacturing of world-class nerds with life-time limited warrenties.
- Pwofesser Anant Agarwal (Who cannot fucking speak english.)
- Inventing the Internets
- Supporting our awesome new president!
- Fugly nerd chicks
- Also, robots.
MIT's Student body is made up of approximatly:
- Suicide rate: 1.9 per student, per year.
- Number of Division 1 Sports Teams: -17.8
Most Common Majors:
Star Simpson is the retarded bitch with the clown hair that walked into the fucking AIRPORT with a circuit board, flashing LEDs and play dough strapped to her chest, someone figured out it would be a damn good idea to switch police on. Seeing as she was not some liberal that does not liek teh police, or some Arab trying to blow the whole fucking place up, they didn't shoot. Had they shot, much lulz and investigations would have ensued.
She still got charged with a black person, and is required to do community service. Star Simpson will forever be remembered as "that stupid bitch with the clown hair that almost got glock'd".
Every year, MIT students nigger sodium metal from the MIT chemistry lab. They take the sodium, and throw it into the river for great justice. Some argue the students do this because its fun to watch explosives go off. [And of course someone had to fuck up sooner or later!]
General College Shits
Fun ways to troll MIT students:
- Talk about suicide
- Ask for their GPA and say "YOUR DOING IT WRONG"
- Ask them to find the square root of -1337
- Tell them that lawyers still make moar
- Ask how much they can bench press
- Take away their General Tso's chicken
- Steal their rice
Some argue that MIT invented all this shit:
- Shit nobody cares about
- General Tso's Chicken
- Typo Jews
- Regular Jews
- Moar Suicide
- Quantum Riceronomics
- Moar Buttsecks
- The PS2
- The PS3
- The PS5
- Photoshop CS5
- Yo mamma
- Nikola Tesla
- Tesla Coils
- Thomas Edison
- Electrocuting Furries
- Electic Chair
- The Multiverse
- Virginia Tech Massacre
- Atleast 100 Memes
- Pwofessers that can't fucking talk right
- Large Hadron Collider
- Moar Robots
- Rule 24
Even MIT has its own set of rules
- Do not qwestion the pwofesser's engwish.
- Tewenin Woltage Waw is Always Welvent.
- Quantum Buttsecks.
- Indian Peoples run this. Got a problem with that, bitch?
- Pi is 3.14159265358979232846
- Moar robots plox.
- STFU, NO ONE GIVES A SHIT ABOUT UNDERGRADS. Enjoy ur coursework. KTHNX.
- No one fucking gets in, enjoy your rejection letter.
- V=IR, I=V/R, R=V/I, P=IV, GPA Always <0.93
- Tuition is going up 872% this year.
- All the girls on campus only got in by sucking the Dean's cock
- After they get in the girls have to suck the guys' cocks as well as just the Dean's
How to get into MIT
- Have Asian parents
- Eat rice while growing up
- Have a 5.0 GPA in middle school
- Become err... depressed
- Score Over 9000 on the SAT
- GET IN!
- Fuck up at Physics 101.
- Become An Hero
- PROFIT! (IRL AS A ZOMBIE ENGINEER!)
Or alternatively, walk in through the front door.
- Suicide rate at MIT higher than at other schools
- Official MIT news letter mentions a new invention -- THE INTERWEBZ
- Even MIT students rap
- Typical Reaction of an MIT student after getting a B
- Pretty much sums up MIT
- Basement Dweller
- $100 Laptop
- MIT OpenCourseWare
MIT is part of a series on Education
[Go To School]