Malaysia Airlines Flight 370

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BREAKING UPDATE FAGGOTS! The flight path may have been diverted from its intended course! Special in-depth expose at 7'oclock tonight on Piers Morgan! Stay tuned!
Proud record holder.

You know what they say about journalism... If it bleeds, it leads... right? Unfortunately for distinguished press outlets worldwide, March of 2014 has turned out to be a pretty dry month in the annals of human affairs. In the absence of a lulzy school shooting or Tsarnaev copycat for like, another goddamned month, shit-eating hack journalists had to scrape by on what little they could salvage. Enter the sudden international panic and saturation coverage over the disappearance of Malaysia Airlines Flight 370, a fucking jumbo jet full of chinks, gooks, spics, and spooks. Most of them probably didn't even speak English—seems like no great loss, right?

As always, the evil liberal Jew media would have you believe otherwise. This is Cuban Missile Crisis, Iran Hostage-level shit going on right now.

The flight in a nutshell

City Wok Airlines went up into the sky, where it was promptly eaten by the sky, causing it to disappear from radar. The sky, not having an appetite for Chinese that particular day, spit (some sources say shit) the plane back out, sending it spiraling into the ocean.

Orientals who were lucky enough to have survived the tsunamis were now competing in the Asian Olympics for underwater airplane swimming. This would be the last time they ever competed, and the entire flight was posthumously awarded a gold medal in the sport for their brave efforts.

A search was conducted, where a large number of people applied arm floaties and took to giant rafts to search for bodies or burning plane parts, but nothing was ever found. After a few hours of fishing, they called it off and came to the conclusion that it had become the latest sunken treasure in Davey Jones' locker.

Plausible theories on what happened

They were reportedly no signs of any impending danger.
  • The leading theory among self-proclaimed experts is that one pilot was in an heroic mood and going for the MS Flight Simulator High Score but proved too pussy to pull off a 9/11 so he just kamikazeed 200+ passengers into the fucking ocean. To his credit, he may have earned second place: a noble effort.
TRY LOOKING UP YOUR MOM'S ASS

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The cause of the missing Malaysia Airlines Flight 370 - Muslims??

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See also


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