Mary Moon

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Mary Moon is the handle picked by the Citadel world's most prominent fitness obsessed camwhore when she tried to execute her previous incarnation as a private consultant to Gail for matters concerning stomach stapling and weight loss.

Mary Moon is loved by compulsive internet masturbators for having suffered her tribulations in large urban centers as Minneapolis by spreading her artificially enhanced cunt in order to pay rent. As an avid user of Mela's Citadel system, eSchwa and other archaic dramedia, accusations have repeatedly risen in reference to her camwhoring days of old.

Legend has it that after 40 days and 40 nights of wandering in the wilderness of her urban wasteland, she realized that meth and fucking dot injun terrorists for a place to sleep and protein shakes for nutrition, a deep sense of loss filled her. She found herself desperate to make money without constantly waking up stuck to cigarette-burned carpet and cracked vinyl toilet seats. In exchange for one act of brimstone swallowing fellatio, teh DEVIL agreed to give her a cell in pinhead's box if she would just agree to infinitely expand her ego and lie about the origin of her proceeds.

Not long after, Mary Moon decided to turn over a new leaf. Evidence seems to correlate that this occurred when she realized that she don't eat meat but she sure like the bone. Immediately after, Mary Moon decided that her place in hell was incomplete, and she was lonely. At this point her sugar daddy had purchased her some great new fake tits and she learned that she could plug the gaping hole inside of herself by consuming long, hard carrots and exercising to the point of forgetting her loneliness.

Never content with the fact that she'd been born flat as a board and remained so pre-pubescent, Mary Moon went on to debut on eSchwa Citadel, along with other fine archaic lulzfeeds, to spread the word of her all-encompassing fitness plan. Just prior to 9/11, she received commendations for her work thus proving that 9/11 was not only done by the Jews, but by internet camwhores supporting the Juden fags through slutfeeds utilizing the Matrix for transmission.

Unfortunately for her, Lulzfanz around the globe had been watching and archiving her acts of soulless camwhoring just in case of the very event that she decided to lie about her origins later. Repeated acts of claiming that she had never stripped on cam, quoth on the aforementioned Citadel system, resulted in the severe angering of the lolgodz who demanded punishment for her shame. When she finally flamed the shit out of a fattie in the Diet room on eSchwa, favor turned for Mary Moon. Luckily for the lolgodz, the text-only media of the Citadel system was supplemented by a LJ Community. The combined image and html format provided the perfect avenue for public humiliation of Mary Moon.

The Kick-off

As can be expected, many lulz resulted both within the LJ thread (deleted within 24 hours of original lulz) and on the BBS itself. Mary Moon stopped posting for a short while on all of her public outlets only to find herself encompassed by loneliness again. It is assumed that she realized her friends in power were still in office, and decided after three days and three nights that it was safe to begin posting again.

The original authors of the lulz were never found.

LiveJournal Eschwa Community Thread

OMG sum1 is mean

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See also

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Featured article July 25, 2007
Preceded by
DivineAngel
Mary Moon Succeeded by
Tay Zonday
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