Mass Carrier

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Carriers over Fort Nubsville

Mass Carriers (Mass Carriers/battlecruisers) is the most spectacularly asshatted shit ever. Generally the term is synonymous with an Instant Win, but at least 100 years ago people started using the term to represent all of the many retarded maneuvers and strategies performed by n00bs in any type of game.

What Is a Carrier?

This is a Carrier. Note the hoard of stolen sapphires below the ship, indicating the ethnicity of its crew

Besides referring to people that are subsequently less than human because they harbor some sort of ghastly disease, a Carrier is a fat, flying fuck of a unit from StarCraft that you can make if you are playing Protoss. A Carrier does not actually do anything by itself, but it stores lots of little shits inside of it and releases them as you would ejaculate during a battle, though oddly enough the units return to the Carrier when there are no enemies left to pwn.

Do not be fooled by a Carrier's ability to hold other units, as it is a lie, because though supposedly a Carrier is much, much bigger than all other units, quite clearly, on-screen it is roughly equivalent to the size of two Siege Tanks, which obviously fit inside the significantly smaller Dropship. To make a Carrier, you must find a helpless, under-12 Lithuanian refugee and rape her mercilessly, repeatedly yelling "Carrier has arrived!" Note you must also have a Fleet Beacon in play for this to work properly.

How To Use Mass Carriers


Colloquially speaking however, it is acceptable to use the term to back out of irritating and/or pointless arguments by citing Mass Carriers and instantly pwning your opponent. Only a complete jackass would continue to argue in the face of such a maneuver.

This may work against terran, but don't even bother against zerg. They have defilers, which can cast dark swarm. This will create a cloud that ranged units (carriers) can't attack. They will then get pwning by hydras.

Perhaps your opponent is a n00b, and doesn't know about defilers. That's ok, he can use

Most carrier noobs have the thought that no one can possibly attack the carrier, they must first attack the interceptors that it creates. This is retard thinking that isn't worth shit. Anyone over the age of five will realise that they should just run past the interceptors and attack the carriers, making this strategy an epic failure.

Why do carrier n00bs exist?

You can blame single player for carrier noobs. Most people play the single player campaign to learn how to play, before going online. Of course, they try to make their own strategies. They eventually come accross the carrier, which has a unique effect on the computer opponents.

The computers will attack the first thing they see, which in this case are the interceptors. Upon their destruction, the carrier can just make moar interceptors, throwing the attacker into a case of uselessness. The computer will keep attacking ships that will be replaced in 35 seconds anyway.

This is where the idea of "instant win strategy" comes from. Unlike real people, the computer will fall for this trick every time, tricking the player into thinking that it is a "flawless strategy". The real kicker for this is fastest map. This is a map perfect for carrier noobs, as they are given infinite resources, and a large space to make everything with. Carriers are harder to pull off on regular maps due to the limited amount of resources. Also, note that most people who play on fastest map are complete idiots, and don't know how to handle mass carriers, fooling the carrier noob further into thinking that they have an "unbeatable strategy".

The only reason you should ever use mass carriers is if you're playing someone that you know sucks at Starcraft, and want to shove in their face how bad they suck. At the end of the game, be sure to flame them on how badly they just got owned by one of the stupidest strategies ever invented.

People Involved With Mass Carriers

Another example of what not to EVER do EVER fucking EVER. Note the extra-gay arbiter as accompaniment.

There are three types of people involved with Mass Carriers: The people that make them, the people that lose to them, and the people that pwn them. Ferfuckssake DO NOT make Mass Carriers, as it has been proven this strategy is shit, and in fact only works if you happen to begin the match with Mass Carriers already part of your fleet. Traditionally the strategy to beat Mass Carriers has been to MAKE OTHER UNITS, but if you are LAN'ing StarCraft and you hear either of the following indistinguishable sounds - "Loh'Klas," "Ischknu," or "Gau'Jew" - you should figure from which player the sound emanated, then take whatever units you have with you and go kick the shit out of them, as it will surely be sufficient. If you get pwned by Mass Carriers, expect to become a social pariah and officially fail at life. Also I will personally come to your basement and slap your face with my dick, which you will probably enjoy anyways.

See Also

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