From Encyclopedia Dramatica
|OFFICIAL MAN THEME SONG|
—Any young male
Whether they are toddlers, whether they are grown up, whether they play with toys, whether they read novels, whether they play board games, whether they play video games, whether they practice sports men are all inherently great hairy piles of lust and rage. These latent rapists and murderers believe themselves to be "nice guys", because they are slightly less of an asshole than their local drug pusher. Men, chunks of unbridled muscle, run the world with a sadistic smile. They shoot their guns and smoke their cigars with giant protruding erections, stopping only to occasionally rape and pillage your mom.
Unfortunately, this is not always the case. Women meddling in evolution through outlawing rape has allowed weaker men to reproduce. These vast hordes have no true masculinity, existing only to serve women as slaves, creating the many dreaded subspecies of men, see: Fags, Neck Beards, Transvestite, feminists, furry, you and so on. The only solution to this problem is to treat men like the roosters they are and decapitate every man who is not tall, broad shouldered and handsome. Only then will the world be free from wars and degeneration.
Activities of Men
Men are notorious in their slightly overzealous eating habits. They will clean out your fridge in a matter of seconds, shoving as much meat into their face as possible. They will then wash it all down with 300,000 gallons of Mountain Dew and top it all off with a delicious twinkie. Men eat for many reasons, but the top two are bored or depressed.
After a decent meal, men will then undoubtedly crack open a few of the cheapest most commercial cans of beer they can find, then flop down on the couch to catch a game of handegg. This can escalate, however, and you may end up with a large frat party on your hands. Upside down drinking contests and awkward sexual experiences with other men are abound. Leaving them hanging off the side of their parents bed with various swearwords scribbled on their naked arse and a whole heap of regret. Men drink for many reasons, but the top two are bored or depressed.
If you are a russian man, the drinking experience is slightly different.
1 to 10 for MEN
If your typical man can manage to find a disgusting woman with the least amount of self respect possible, they may very well get their dick wet before the night is over. However if the man's horrifyingly deformed features don't manage to land him a pretty lady, a potato with a hole in it, or rape, a cat is fine too. This is the shortest of the man's activities and will usually last around 10-15 seconds. Men fuck for many reasons, but the top two are bored or depressed.
The State Of Men
The common male generally consists of pathetic balls of whimpering cowardice that hover on the sidelines, while the real manly men play a good hard game of handegg or soccerbawl. These other men sit on the bench painting their nails, considering that operation, or get fat, whilst the real deal d00ds are out on the field rubbing their testicles in the dirt.
These testicle rubbers are also deplorable examples of humanity. Drooling neanderthals that woop and holler at the sight of an x bawks, some pizza and a keg. More commonly known as the Douchebag, these sad sacks of walking degeneration have passed their glory days of date-raping high school girls while they flunk off class, now working as your regular gas attendant or McDonalds drive-through server. They spend their free time having sweaty greased up sexy time with their "bros" muttering the occasional no homo to ward off depression.
There are also many other male specimens that trawl across the interbutts, jizzing in the tubes. For example,The Nerds, who spend their time relentlessly slobbering over shit no one cares about all the while slowly getting more and more pasty, chubby, and dead inside. Also the well known and revered Faggots, who were once so manly that they went full circle and now want cock in their arse. And of course The Escapists, also known as the traps, transvestites or Dickgirls, who have completely shat out all manly manliness from their brain and simply wish to be the little girl.
Attached to the groin area of most men, these floppy doo-dahs are used for a large variety of activities. The lesser known ballbag, hangs gently underneath, causing all other sorts of hilarity by impersonating your grandfathers face.
A List Of Some Notable Men
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