Microsoft Surface

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A Surface RT, the worst sack of shit ever conceived by the Surface series.

Microsoft Surface is a series of tablet computers from Microsoft to prove that they can build something less shitty than Apple's iPad and Macbook and they eventually succeeded (The first Surfaces were naturally absolute piles of shit) in the fact that the Surface tablets are actual computers and can do all the same shit real computers do unlike an Apple's overpriced aluminium shitboxes. You can also install BlueStacks on a Surface and basically turn it into an uber-powerful Android tablet at the same time for extra lulz. They don't have disc drives which isn't a huge issue anymore since most Windows users have learned to pirate everything off the internet anyways, but they do have a real USB port which makes transferring porn and viruses much easier than most tablets. The only problem is the Surface runs Windows(It's also the only platform where Windows 8 is semi-usable), so in the long run it's plagued by the same shitty failures that full sized Windows computers are accustomed to and the keyboard cover is an expensive, damn near mandatory accessory. Applefags balk at the Surface's existence for effectively making the Macbook and iPad look like steaming piles of shit at the same time and go about their usual shit tier argument of how much better they are when 99.9% percent of them use Bootcamp anyways because OS X and iOS are incompatible with pretty much everything. Apple has recently released the iPad Pro to compete with the Surface but in true Apple fashion, it's nothing but a giant fucking iPad that still runs iOS, not OS X. In keeping with the trend of copying one's business successes in the technology market, Microshit has gone the way of Apple and they release a new Surface product almost every fucking year to milk their consumer base of every penny. As a result there are beginning to be less and less differences between Surfaces as time goes on but a Surface Pro 3 will still be able to shit on several generations of Macbooks and iPads for a while, at least until it decides to have good old fashioned Windows shit-fit.

The Devices

Surface RT

  • An absolute pile of dogshit. This runs a stripped down version of Windows 8 called Windows RT as if that wasn't shitty enough already. Microsoft somehow managed to ruin it's first shot at making Windows 8 usable on something.

Surface Pro

  • Actually ran real Windows so it was infinitely better than the RT but it had shit battery life and got so hot it could be used as a griddle. Comes with a stylus to stick in your pooper.

Surface 2

  • Basically the same shit as the RT but with better hardware.

Surface Pro 2

  • Again, about the same shit as the first Pro but with a better stylus and less overheating and battery life problems.

Surface Pro 3

  • The first Surface tablet that actually got shit right. It's a bit of pig for a tablet but it immensely improved on everything that the Pro 2 did and is a powerhouse compared to Apple's shit.

Surface 3

  • Microsoft finally got their shit together on the regular Surface and put real Windows on it. It's only downfall is the shit battery life again and the sluggish Atom processor.

Surface Pro 4

  • Basically the same shit as the Pro 3 but with better power usage and cooling. Wow, big fucking deal. Buy a Pro 3 for a less monies instead unless you care that much.

Surface Book

  • Microsoft's first home built laptop and it's actually pretty solid apart from the fact that it's basically fucked if it's hardware fails. You will have to sell your organs in order to afford one.

Surface Pro(2017)

  • Generally the same shit as before but now you can have it with no fans! WOW. Way to solve the fucking noise issues Microsoft! Also has rampant screen and stylus issues. Bravo.

Surface Book 2

  • A marginal update, added USB Type-C, updated GPUs, and a bigger 15-inch model. Like the first model, it's ludicrously expensive and you better pray to god it doesn't have a meltdown.

Surface Laptop

  • Basically get rid of everything good about the Surface Book and you're stuck with another overpriced laptop with a pointless touchscreen. Infamous for initially shipping with Windows 10 S, which was Microsoft thinking they could pull the same shit as Windows RT again. It didn't work.

Surface Studio

  • A mindfuckingly expensive all-in-one desktop designed to shit all over the iMac. Comes with a 28-inch 4K display that folds down to the desk so you can easily draw hentai on it.

See Also


Microsoft Surface
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