Miss Teen South Carolina

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How do I shot map?
Maps, you need moar of them.
Iroq neads oru halp!
IQ tests were administered as part of the pageant
How Does A Miss Teen South Carolina Know What Maps Is?

In September 2007 the internets and world were sent abuzz when a new age of stupidity dawned upon the world. The name of this plague was Miss Teen South Carolina, or Lauren Caitlin Upton, the dumbest whore to ever grace these fine tubes and disgrace all womyn kind at the same time. Her IQ is purported to be between 13 and 75.

It is apparent that not every Americunt is familiar with maps, or basic common sense for that matter, a fact Miss Bimbo USA only further establishes. Any non-American (someone familiar with maps) could inform you that geography confirms South Carolina is one of the many backward states of the US South, a flat, sweltering, mosquito-infested land of white trash; meek, still slave-like negroes, and white retired old folks who weren't able to afford to buy property further south in glamorous Florida.

The Greatest Mind of Our Generation

JUDGE: Recent polls have shown that a fifth of Americans can't locate the U.S. on a world map. Why do you think this is? [Editor's note: Coincidentally, approximately one fifth of Americans are black or Mexican, although this witless bimbo happened to be a blonde redneck.]

MISS SOUTH CAROLINA: I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because some people out there in our nation don't have maps and I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and the Iraq -- everywhere like such as, and I believe that they should... our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S. -- or should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future...

Mario Lopez: (trying to keep his shit together and not laugh at her) Thank you very much



Some statistics I just made up

Another disturbing thing about Miss Teen South Carolina's response, besides showing herself to be an incoherent moron, much like most other South Carolinians, was that her response quite accurately reflects arrogant Americunt knowledge about the world. It is likely that she herself would not have been able to find the US on a world map. A 2006 survey of US adults found the following:

  • 88% cannot find Afghanistan on a map of North America. They usually point to either Canada, Mexico, or the Pacific Ocean.
  • 63% cannot find the Iraq on a map of the Middle East - EVEN NOW.
  • 60% cannot find Saudi Arabia on a map of the world.
  • 75% cannot find Iran or Israel on a map of the Middle East.
  • 50% cannot find New York on a map of North America, which means that they're fucking idiotic.
  • 57% cannot find their own ass.
  • 69% cannot find Florida on a map of Florida.
  • 11% of Americunt males would like to deposit their man goo in Miss Teen South Carolina's mouth.
  • 89% of Americunt males would not like to deposit their man goo in Miss Teen South Carolina's mouth as they are gay ass poo-pushers.

Misery not being put out of

The embarrassment itself Miss South Carolina tries to prove herself "OMG LIEK INTERLECUAL" on the Today show, Miss South Carolina fails. Her answer this time, is only a re-write of the original embarrassing answer she gave before. The hosts then reply with praise. When she was asked about at what point did she realize she wasn't making any sense, she replied: "Right when the question was asked." "I only heard one or two words of the actual question itself." She failed to realize that she was far beyond "wrong," and was something more along the lines of "retarded". Notice how that guy is trying to improve his chances of getting laid. Yes, that is you. And you are fucking retarded.


Play her off, Keyboard Cat!

See Also

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