The Matrix

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another use for your spoon

Popular amongst nerds, basement dwellers, Pro Noobs, libertarians and the Hot Topic crowd alike, The Matrix is a franchise of shitty science fiction movies and products to get idiots to part with their hard earned dollars and makes L. Ron Hubbard look like a literary genius. The Matrix is also the birthplace of a million stupid memes based on quotes such as "There is no spoon," "I know kung fu!" and that FBI Terminator dude cracking his neck and saying "Misturrr Andurrrson..." Its main purpose is to peddle Buddhism, Gnosticism and the idea that the black man is valuable to angsty teens but that only lasted through the first movie because in the search for more money they decided that they were going to make unnecessary sequals. Unprepared because their religion 101 and philosophy 101 classes only gave them so much material to work with they were unable to take the Eastern Religion/Philosophy crap and libtard propaganda any further they found themselves admitting what everyone already knows, that the black man doesn't really know anything and lies just for the hell of it and Christianity is the one and only religion and have to go to it for all their religious imagery and messages in the second and third movies. Seeking a quick band-aid fix, parents and religious fundamentalists quickly blamed it for the Columbine massacre, because apparently the killers were obsessed with the movie, despite it releasing just weeks prior to their NBK.

A Gigantic Rip-Off

The Matrix is actually a double ripoff, as the plot is lifted directly from the comic book The Invisibles, which stole nearly all of its ideas from Phillip K. Dick's VALIS. Also, the basic concept of the Matrix was appropriated from Gnostic lore and L. Ron Hubbard's alternative reality, which is still superior to the boring green Tae-bo bullshit that the Wachowski assholes came up with.

Alex Proyas' Dark City was shot in the same city, the same Sydney train station and the same sound stages at Fox Studios (using many of the exact same sets that had been built two years before). The narrative of The Matrix derives most of its best ideas from Dark City and Ghost In The Shell.

(((Whiner Bros)))

The Movies

Neo in The Matrix

The Matrix

The first movie had something to do with computers taking over the world, controlling people with virtual reality and secret missions in which insurgents are dressed like ostentatious, highly conspicuous emo-goth queers with glued-on shades and big guns. In the movie's most entertaining scene, two trenchcoat-garbed heroes walk into a building and start shooting everybody in sight.

The Matrix 2: Electric Boogaloo

The second film was a huge, expensive waste of time designed to justify the franchise's requisite trilogy. In this one, Morpheus babbles on and on about The One, and how he needs to be rescued. The writers also kill about half of the movie's running time with a tl;dw car chase and scenes in which everyone jumps around like faggot pixies. Plus that boring dancing scene that made everyone want to fall asleep or commit suicide.

The Matrix Revolutions

The third film is rumored to suck hairy sack, but this can neither be confirmed or denied as noone bothered to see it. Fortunately, Neo becomes an hero.


Shitty animu cartoons based on the films. Not much is known about this, as it was only seen by weeaboos.

Video Games

Shit like this happens all the time in Las Vegas.

After the second movie, Enter The Matrix was made by the machines to further the franchise revenues. A sub-par, incomplete, incoherent, graphically abominable game....BUT IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE MATRIX...SORTA!!1 Its only reference to the Matrix is that everyone looks like a corporate prick who just walked out of a board meeting, and you can run around like a brain-dead version of Spider-Man.

After the third movie, just when you thought it was safe to say that this franchise was dead, The Matrix Online was born to The Wachowski Brothers. They promptly abandoned the MMORPG like a newborn in a trash can on prom night. This pile of shit was shut down by Sony in 2009. The Game was supposed to end with the sky falling crushing every player in the process but having more that 5 players on at once was enough to crash the servers ending the game with a glitch in the matrix

Upon its release, The Matrix: The Path of Neo was immediately ignored by everyone.

The Annoying Screensaver

Green LCD = never gets layed evar.

Digital Rain is the title of a screensaver (see right) popular with geeks, presumably because its use of green LCD characters makes them feel leet, as if that's something to aspire to. If you see this on somebody's computer, it's a dead giveaway that they are a virgin.



Only Rifftrax makes this shit worth watching
The trailer for the 4th Matrix movie

See Also

External Links


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Featured article September 25, 2006
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