Munging is a sexual practice loosely based on the act of oral sex as performed on one's girlfriend, who is dead. It is usually a team sport, involving two or more willing participants who are referred to as 'Mungers' and an unwitting participant, the deceased, who is in one of the various stages of decomposition. Ideally it will be fresh but not too fresh, just beginning to bloat is usually fine. The first munger gets his/her lips around the cold clammy fuckhole. The second, also called the mung-jumper, then applies abrupt pressure to the abdomen of the deceased, often with a two-footed jump, to release the mungy goodness. The recipient then swallows the juices (some gargling is common among veterans of the art) before swapping places with the mung-jumper to repeat the process.
The fruit of such labors is a tasty treat called Mung. This viscous fluid is a nutritious source of essential proteins and minerals with a distinctive aroma and a strong aftertaste. It can vary in consistency from a thin soup to a thick, pungent paste depending on the state of decomposition. ENJOY IT. Mung is a beautiful thing and should be enjoyed at every opportunity. Try giving some to a friend as a birthday present, or to your family at Christmas. Give your girlfriend some mung for Valentine's day, she will LOVE YOU, you filthy little munger. I enjoy mung with a nice chardonnay because I am a classy kind of guy but it is equally well suited to all drinks from broke ass cider to alcopop.
PROTIP: Dead girlfriends are far more juicy and succulent when fat with child - just leave them to ripen for a few months. BE PATIENT, my little mungchild, it is worth the wait.
If you mung, you are a munger. WELL DONE. Just make sure you clean your teeth and watch for the chewy bits that get stuck in between them. You are now part of one of the fastest growing clandestine pastimes in the world. Everyone does it, but keep an eye out for the partyvan. Getting caught enjoying the devil's ambrosia may earn you a long vacation with all inclusive entertainment and a daily case of butthurt to boot. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!
Nowadays mung is on everyone's lips. Here are a few common uses:
- "I'm gonna mung your grandma" - popular greeting
- "MMMM, mungtastic" - culinary compliment
- "Go suck a fuck you shitty little munger" - munger here is used like the English term 'wanker': ie. we all love to do it, but for some reason it is an insult.
- "Thou art fair as Mvng, and twice as canny" - Shakespeare loved the mung.
Where To Get Mung
You can usually get mung wherever female corpses are. Female corpses can usually be found wherever women are dying. Popular places for corpses include hospitals, war zones, cemeteries, or the county morgue. You can also make your own but this is highly illegal.
You're doing it wrong!
On Teh Internets
- http://www.mungmeefoods.co.uk/ - Orientals order their Mung online
- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mung - Classic munger's denial. THIS IS NOT WHAT MUNG MEANS!
- http://catb.org/jargon/html/M/munge.html - The misers of Britain seem to have invented it as a way of recycling their dead
|Mung is part of a series on Language & Communication|