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A mustard caught in a jar, just like pokemon.

A new breed of retard first sighted by Nikola Tesla. A mustard is supposedly the kind of person who would actually adhere to a sardonic invite to drama, and will most likely provide you with an extemporaneous eulogy on their unwarranted self-importance. Mustards are commonly good for some lulz and more than worthy of inclusion on Encyclopedia Dramatica, but their yellow semi-liquid somatic juices will forever haunt your mind like a sticky river. It is also rumoured that when men turn 50, they suddenly seem to realise where the mustards are, though still to this day no 50 year old men have published any of these sightings on ED. Perhaps they're too handicapped to premeditate the exact coordination of their hands to a keyboard.


How to distinguish mustards from retards.


  • whine more.
  • write more shit.
  • are more important.
  • gestate more.
  • eat more cookies.
  • are more dysmorphic.
  • are more fallible.
  • are more prone to getting raped.

In other terms, they're just like retards and even far more worse than that, and deserve more verbal beatings, preferably by aliens. An entire wealth of mustards can be found among the emo and goth culture. Especially goths.


As mustards are too great to smoke regular cigarettes, they instead choose to poison themselves with clove cigarettes. Clove cigarettes are composed of 10% tobacco, 60% clove leaves, 1% paper, 5% filter, and 100% fiberglass. They're typically black, for the discerning goth, and taste like mustard. The ATF has tried to ban clove cigarettes as the oil in them has been known to explode like a Molotov cocktail, posing a problem for the war on drugs. They cleverly disguised the ban as a bill against all flavored cigarettes, which are a "gateway drug" for worse drugs. Like crack. And tobacco. Unfortunately this was stopped by the collective melodramatic of the mustards. Another great example of strength in numbers of retards.