Mythunderstood

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Mythunderstood (almost certainly pronounced My-thunder-stood) is one of the many names used by Swisscelt, fake gnostic, fake occultist, wiccan, troll and OL drama artist who goes around teh internets looking for any distraction to keep his mind off of his fat body which no one finds attractive anymore, least of all his wife, and who tries to forget the fact that he has two kids that he fails to be a father for on a daily basis. Mythunderstood is one of many alternate ID's, making it a classic sockpuppet, a tactic symptomatic of a deeper cowardice typical of trolls and drama whores online.

Mythunderstood jerking off when he was younger

The Coming of the New Trailer Park Gnostic Son of God

Thirty-two years ago, in one of the trailer parks outside of Philadelphia, a local stripper was raped by a wandering truck driver who claimed to be God incarnate. The stripper believed her son to be the son of god- and she taught her offspring to be a magician and a gnostic, to prepare him for the many tests he'd face finding women and announcing the word of his new covenant on teh internets.

Mythunderstood grew to a towering 195 cm, but for some reason, His father in heaven ordained that he should be fat, perhaps as a way to help bring his message of humbleness to the world. He moved to Bellefontaine, Ohio, where he founded the Gnostic Church of Christ, and took a concubine from among the many fine white trash women (called by most the "tree-women") who were rescued from redneck slave markets by the forty-year old, dorky and overweight gnostic knights and warriors that protect the church. He could never join them on their raids because he had to practice jerking off.

An undated photo of Mythunderstood a.k.a. Swisscelt playing with his God Cam

Satan makes Mythunderstood into a gay pagan

The Gnostic Satan tried to stop the expansion of the First Ohio Gnostic Church of Christ, and he used his dark powers to turn into a handsome dutch man and infiltrated the church. He began to have sex with all the other men in the church, and turn them all homosexual. Mythunderstood was able to stop him by humping one of the vestigial swiss cheese eyestalks that protruded from the little pagan face in the great Satan's crotch. He drove away the world-ruling demon by getting nasty, stinging Mythunderstood feces in his eyestalk, but as a consquence, Mythunderstood became homosexual himself- and he also gained harmful pagan and occult leanings, as well as a large ingrown toenail, and began using the name "Swisscelt" that very night. He also decided to found a new branch of the Gnostic Church, which finally outgrew even his wildest dreams, and changed its name to NAMBLA.

Mythunderstood a.k.a Swisscelt's Fine Wife
The handsome dutch man that Satan turned into to infiltrate Mythunderstood's Church

Mythunderstood and his Dark Online Empire

After that fateful night, Mythuderstood, now operating as the Gay Pagan Lord of the Gnostics, began to hide women in the rolls of fat around his belly, and pray to the Goddess. He began to infiltrate teh internets, realizing that it was easier to spread the word of his New Christhood online than it was to peddle his pedophile bike from town to town. The birth of his two mutant children only forced him away from his ministries while he had to help his wife clean up poop.

But the gay swiss pagan celt-christ had an insatiable appetite, and as it grew, his demonic side began to grow stronger. He began to use the dark powers that he gained from the swiss-cheese eyestalk of Satan (part of which had broken off and become dislodged in his anus) to attract like-minded and fat humans to himself, to become the bishops of his new religious movement.

Swisscelt/Mythunderstood decided to re-reveal himself to the world as a retarded lego figurine, creating quite an endearing icon for himself to use on live journal, where he created the live journal account "Swisscelt", and established himself as a knowledgable gnostic sage online, even though he found that no one listened to him. Growing frustrated, he decided to say he was a "celtic pagan", and helped to create a livejournal community for fluffy and easy to manipulate children called "nonfluffypagans".

It was here that Swisscelt first realized just how stupid he was, and how far behind he was intellectually, when it came to arguing with people who actually did know something about gnosticism and paganism, so he became a troll. After creating dozens of lurkers and sockpuppets, he began to cause nonstop drama, joining a long, glorious tradition that continues to this day, even though everyone laughs about him behind his back.

Mythunderstood is so Misunderstood

After losing many young boys that he met on teh internets, Mythunderstood decided to split with God his father and become a satanist. But the normally perverted satanists thought that he was too creepy and retarded for the true power and depth of their religion.

A young gay lover of Mythunderstood a.k.a. Swisscelt hides his face in shame when shown an old mug shot of Mythunderstood
Blackfyr and his wife Lysana at an Awthentik Celtic Pagan meeting outside the Gnostic Church founded by Mythunderstood a.k.a. Swisscelt

Dr. Noby Reveals the Fake Christ and his Fake Pagan Celtic disciples to the World

Everything went well as a troll and fake gnostic pagan, and he was even able to have sex with some of the members of his community, such as This is warmth. But then God decided to bring his straying gay pagan son back into the fold, and commanded him to renounce his pagan ways. Re-dubbing himself Mythunderstood, Swisscelt created his penultimate sockpuppet live journal devoted to "studying the occult", and began wandering around teh internets, accusing other people of being flakes and sockpuppets. He also used what remained of his godly powers to rape many blocks of swiss cheese, carved to look like hot young gay men. he neglected his wife and two children and turned into an even more fat online drama operator.

How long this hypocrisy went on is not known, but what is known is how Mythunderstood was busted- he met an online lover who went by the name "Blackfyr", and managed to secretly steal Blackfyr away from his wife. Together, they went to pretend to be "Celtic Reconstructionists" on Live Journal, but justice was waiting for them. After banning all intelligent (and therefore threatening) users from their pitiful "cr_r" community, they were left with only stupid people and wiccans for many months, until Dr. Raymond Noby joined and tried to post the truth about the celts.

Blackfyr threw a fit, while being plugged from behind by Mythunderstood (it is believed that Blackfyr's ignorant wife, Lysana, was off with her drama whore lesbian lover "Caitríona_nnc" who is not only fat but mistaken by most for an escaped ape with its ass shaved and placed on its head. Caitríona_nnc is also well known for being a wiccan that pretends to be a "celtic recon" or a "Druidess" (but is still mistaken by most for a shaved ape with fake celtic symbols painted on its head).

After the staff at the group made a scene, Dr.Noby left, but Mythunderstood and Blackfyr made sure that the lobotomized members of their community believed many spontaneously-invented rumors and lies that the Good Doctor would "be back" to get revenge, and indeed, that he was a troll all over the internet. They began tightening security, stopping new members from joining out of fear that it might be the good doctor, and then, right when all was thought to be safe, and they had covered up the Truth well enough, disaster struck!

Deviant Mystic Strikes

This fine group of gay pedophile "celtic recons", thought they had the situation under control, but then suddenly, a "spam" artist named "Deviant mystic" struck. The attack was a well-planned and savage crapflood. What everyone saw, after one night of virtual wrath and retribution, was hundreds of pictures of a man screaming "CR_R BLOWS", filling up the community and destroying everyone's friends list. but what no one knew was that Mythunderstood WAS Deviant Mystic, secretly come back to continue being the retarded gay pedophile he is.


deviant mystic's spam-bomb crapflood image, used to ruin the Live Journal Community "cr_r" for a whole day

Aliases and Pseudonyms

Mythunderstood also goes by the following names and online ID's:

deviant_mystic

swisscelt

mythunderstood

cyberpict

son of fart

wingedelf

miss_adventure

eumelosdrizzle

elfwreck

Paul Hamish

Savara

Wire Mother


New Developments

Today, with his Christ status fully submerged under his retarded and boring life, The man who was the son of God the Truck Driver and the Stripper Minnie Ponderosa has taken to talking to himself online, using his various sockpuppets and causing drama.

This is required now, because God has taken away his ability to use miraculous powers, and so he cannot take away the fat that rings his belly. Having difficulty getting out of his chair, he can't go out or find women. His wife has forgotten what he looks like, because he locked the door to his computer room (near the rear of his trailer) before he sat down for the final time. It is believed that the body of a little boy who is missing from the local community may be stuck between the third and fourth rolls of his Fat.


Mythunderstood, a.k.a Swisscelt, before he was too fat to move