Not to be confused with: Soccer.
Handegg (also known as Gridiron Football, or Rugby With Pads), is a homosexual pastime enjoyed mostly by Americunts because of cultural obligation for having stolen it from the mutually hated British. Since Americunts are fat (thus needing a break every 5 seconds), stupid (need to be told what to do every play), and generally unskilled, Handegg was tailored for them. With its use of tights, helmets, body armor, under eye make up, fanny pack, and the QB Snap routine (where the team's captain mounts his man's asshole every down) it is the primary recruiting technique for young new faggots and Army members as it is a required part of most young men's high school education. The objective of the game is to protect your team's egg so it doesn't get cracked and get it back to the nest. To Americunts, the game the rest of the world calls "football" is to them called "soccer". This makes no sense, as soccer is clearly played with feet, and yet their bastardization of a real man's sport like Rugby seems to involve little-to-no kicking whatsoever. This particular misnomer only serves to further the entirely accurate allegation that the average Americunt IQ is even smaller than Asia's entire average penis size.
Rules of the Game
The game is a bizarre sport with an appropriately strange and obtuse set of rules and positions. Some of them include:
- In Handegg, each team consists of one fast guy (usually a nigger on parole), 1 guy who can throw the egg (usually white), and a wall of fat fucks whose job is to run at the other team's wall of equally fat fucks.
- Every team has upwards of 50 players on the bench, only one of whom puts his foot on the ball. His position is the kicker, and he is presumably the player the sport uses as an excuse to be called "football". His job is to kick the ball away so the other team can score.
- Everyone gets told what to do after every snap; stop...start...stop...start, and so on to ensure that the game is mind-numbingly boring to play, or watch. This method of gameplay is mandatory as the sport was tailored by Jews who want to jam in as many commercials as they can to entice the viewers into buying fast food, Doritos, fedoras and Mountain Dew. The kikes later pocket the profits while said viewers die of diabeetus due to irresponsible consumerism.
- Most importantly, every player who scores a Touchdown for his team is required to do a celebratory dance, after which he is fined tens of thousands of dollars by the National Handegg League for "excessive celebration".
How America views Handegg
How the world views Handegg
Handegg vs Soccer
In order to start an argument online between Handeggfags and Soccerfags, all you need to do is simply mention them in the same sentence, for results like this:
—Successful troll is successful.
- Bob Griese
- DONT MESS WITH FOOTBALL
- Not Gay
- Rax Grissman
- Superbowl XXX
- Touchdown Thurman Thomas
- Manti Te'o
- Chris Kluwe
- Colin Kaepernick
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|Featured article January 12th and 13th, 2012|