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Neckbeard

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

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Typical neckbeard wallowing in self-pity.
Dr. Neckbeard.

A Neckbeard (also known as a neard, a portmanteau, or the bloatee) is the strange under-the-chin hair growth only seen on fatties, drug addicts with a messianic complex and UNIX programmers. It is derived from the "Abe Lincoln" (not to be confused with the sex move as the neckbearded have no relation to sex). The purpose of this beard is to delineate the neck from the chin when the two have merged due to obesity, forming a bullfrog neck. Wearers hope it will make them look like a badass from Hackers or The Matrix, yet it merely reminds observers of fucking chin lack.

A neckbeard is to beards as the comb-over is to hair. It is never, ever cool.

"Neckbeard" can be used to refer to both the facial hairstyle and the people who wear it.

All neckbeards are Dungeons & Dragons-obsessed losers, and vice versa. It is not known at this time whether growing a neckbeard causes one to play Dungeons & Dragons or playing Dungeons & Dragons causes one to grow a neckbeard.

Contents

Visual Clues

1.Fedora

2.Trenchcoat

3.Overdressed

3.Greasy hair

4.Ponytail

5.Acne at any age

6.Dyed hair

7.Shitty beard

8.Pedostache

9.Wears all black or wears all red

Holmesbeard

Holmesbeard.jpg

Behold the Holmesbeard!

Chainsaw Beard

Like the neckbeard, the Holmesbeard is made of hair that does not go very high on the face, but that is where the similarities end. The Holmesbeard is worn by men such as John Holmes, who had a foot-long cock; made millions by fucking over 9000 bitches and teaching them 'bout his dick; had a foot-long cock; was skinny as a rail; and most badass of all, had a foot-long cock. Hence, Holmesbeard wearers are the extreme opposite of neckbeards and should be confused with real neckbeards as often as a neckbeard will get you laid. Anyone who confounds the two is a fucktard.

What to Do If Someone Calls Your Holmesbeard a Neckbeard


   
 
Don't you ever talk that way to me. Nevar!
 

 
 

—The Captain telling you not to mix up the Holmesbeard and the neckbeard

Chinstrap

Unlike the neckbeard, the Chinstrap style beard consists of a thin band (strap) of facial hair that goes from one sideburn, under the chin, and up to the other sideburn, for no apparent reason other than to dish out a cheap round of the LULZ to everyone apart from its owner. No hair is on the cheeks, or the neck. The 'pre-pubescent boys' neckbeard', the Chinstrap exists to make the wearer menacing and/or manly. It never works. Worn by those who cannot grow a full neckbeard, the chinstrap is either closely cropped to the face, or let to grow wild and free, proving the unadulterated manliness of the fag who wears it.

Many photographs of chinstrap-wearing pedophiles, furfags, gamers, wiggers, and other Internet trash are primary examples of Internet disease. The camera angles take advantage of the magical concealing power of the chinstrap to hide the bulbous pouch of fat underneath the chinstrapper's chin, for example.

It is a well known fact that kids with neckbeards get way more pussy than men with real beards.

Although not by much, a Chinstrap is preferable to a neckbeard, like a kick to the balls is more preferable to hitting your cock with a hammer.

Failbeards Gallery

Failbeards About missing Pics

See also


Neckbeard is part of a series on Dying Alone

Poemo.jpg Those Who Have Died Alone

Aaron SwartzAmy WinehouseAnna Nicole SmithAmanda ToddBrian AdamsBrandon CrispCharmaine DragunChris BenoitCodey PorterDavid CarradineEdaremElliot RodgerElvis PresleyHeath LedgerJewWarioKitty0706Lemonade CoyoteLeelah AlcornLiloLoki BlackfangMegan MeierMichael JacksonMitchell HendersonMySpaceOtoya YamaguchiRehtaeh ParsonsRicardo LopezRipperRudolph ZurickShawn WoolleyShayTyler Dumstorf

Those Dying Alone

2 gryphonAhuviya HarelAnita SarkeesianAlex FordAmerica's Third PartyAngry JoeAnonymous BorgAnthony 'A-Log' LoGattoApril DavisArgent009Arguecat3AsalieriBambifan101Basement DwellersBenny_the_SnakeBig RedBikerfoxBill9929Bill GaedeBob RehahnBrianna WuBroniesByAppointmentToChloe SagalChris-chanChris CrockerChuck M.CrazyvideosandrantsDaniel BrandtDavid HockeyDBoyWheelerDeekerDGTrixieDiaper BoyDnepropetrovsk maniacsDorian_GayDon RobertsDoug WalkerDragoneerDrakonEmosEpic Fat GuyEric RidenourErik RibsskogFilthy FrankFagolescentsFanFic CriticFast EddieFat ManFaust & Pory Five Nights at Freddy's fansFluffy teh wolfFriends of A-LogFurriesGirlvinylGoddessMilleniaGhostG-ZayHellkiller777I Dislike Cis PeopleIan Miles CheongIchverbotJohn BullaJohn FieldJohn Patrick RogersJonathan McIntoshJonmonJoseph CampJoseph8276Kathleen ToddKevin HavensKimmo Johan AlmKrashedLecarickLeigh AlexanderLeonard F. Shaner Jr.LinkaraLordelthibarManchildrenMariotehplumberMarjan SiklicMoleman9000Monica PunkMoviebobMuZemikeMylarBalloonFanMysteriousMrEnterNaokoElric2250Nathan GaleNawlinWikiNeckbeardsNick BateNick BravoNoah AntwilerNullcherriOnideus Mad HatterOnyx ForepawParkourdude91Peter CoffinPhil FishPit ViperPixyteriRandi HarperRicki RavenRobert Wayne StilesRootbrianRose3212Sad FrogSammyClassicSonicFanSam PepperSethistoSceptreSchnookumsSonmanicSophie LabelleSnapesnoggerSuperlisamcbTheAmazingAtheistTheDOSFagTheSockDetectiveTom PrestonTourneyfagsTyciolUlillilliaThe Unknown AutobotVadeVinceintheBayWeegeeisgoingtokillmYoshiwii1YouZoe Quinn

Their Methods

9gagAIDSAnimuAsperger's SyndromeAssigned Maleask.fmBath SaltsBody PillowsBoozeBullyingCosplayDead FriendDeviantARTDrugsEdginess | FanFictionFeminism The Filthy Frank ShowFive Nights at Freddy'sFleshlightFriend ZoneFurry ArtGarry's ModGooglewhackingHackingHomestuck‎Hover hand‎HufflepuffInfantilismInvisible GirlfriendIRCJenkemKiwi FarmsKotakuLegoLeague of LegendsLibertarianismLiveJournalLonelyLoveShyMai WaifuMen's rights activismMinecraftMLP ForumsMMORPGsMUDsMy Little PonyMy Tiny DickNice GuyismOculus RiftOh ShiternetOnline datingOnline sex gamesPlastic CrapPlenty of FishRuneScapeSecond LifeSelf-seclusionSilk Screen Goku ShirtTaking the Internet Too SeriouslyShy Boys IRLSmogon UniversitySocial JusticeTeam Fortress 2That Guy With The GlassesThe SimsTulpasTumblrTV TropesUncyclopediaVloggerheadsWizardchanWorld of WarcraftYouTube


Neckbeard
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