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NeoGAF

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

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NeoGAF admin: Giant racist
Your average NeoGAF.
NeoGAF members congregating IRL.

NeoGAF is a indie group site full of failures that started by the fat sweaty 40-Year old virgins with shitty social skills who likes video games more than anything and anybody. It is known for its excellent mods and profound discussion. The site is plagued by constant GIF spamming and ridiculously esoteric "inside jokes". Its self-obsessed users are referred to as simply NeoFAGs and are a collection of would-be trolls who talk shit one second and then bend over and take it up the ass from the admins the next when they get forced to pretend to be feminists or get banned because they hate SJWs but needs their money.

The entire site is a shithole dictatorship created to make its owner money by promoting video games on it because he was paid for it. Due to this anything from saying a Sony game is bad to telling one of the mods he is wrong is grounds for a ban. Since it only lets you make an account with a paid Email, if you want to troll them, post nothing so you don't get banned and then dox everyone and spam the entire forum with it while the mods are asleep so that no one can stop you.

In recent years the site has become a hunting grounds for pedophiles and incest lovers. Currently they are sitting their fatasses down playing video games and complaining what people like that NeoGAF hates. NeoGAF mostly group up to play the main MMORPG game Final Fantasy XIV. NeoGAF's guild GAF, aka Gather Against Fate, gain a massive controversy for behaving like childish shit-stained failtrollers just for negative fame. It's no mystery the creator of GAF is proud of it to make Final Fantasy XIV even more shittier than the game currently is.

Contents

The Owner: Tyler Malka

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Tyler "EviLore" Malka is the sad loser who runs this site. He has been implicated in several dramas including leaking revenge porn and facepainting it, making racist posts, calling Leigh Alexander names before changing his mind and going SJW for pageviews and shoving his fat fingers up some woman's ass because he bought her a drink so now she owes him sex.

Tyler is a giant nerd, desperately trying too hard to impress his internet friends into thinking he is cool and banning anyone on NeoGAF who say that he isn't. But despite making a bunch of money from shilling Sony on his site, he still can't find one woman to sleep with him and spends most days doing group activities alone so that he can take pictures of it and later post about it on NeoGAF.

Going to NeoGAF: A Primer

Hey there honest citizen. So you found the internet. I'm sure you'll be wanting to visit internet based locations relevant to your interests. If you like purchasing items, you may try eBay, the internet auction site. If you like watching entertaining videos, you may want to peruse Youtube. But if you interests are focused on the new phenomena of "gaming", then you should try IGN Gamespot Gamespy Engadget Joystiq NeoGAF.

Hold on there Mr. Anxious. You're only getting started at this whole "world wide web" thing, so you need to learn a few rules before you go to sites like NeoGAF.

Step 1: Buy an Email

Though many alternatives that are free exist, you have to pay to get into NeoGAF. I hear your pleas. Enough of this "I already paid money for the internet, now the email too? Why can't this 'internet' thing make like evolution and take a hike?". Well, NeoGAF is a quality site. Think of it as paying to post there. This is to prevent the harmful cancer of trolls from having their way with this site.

The "NeoGAF asshole" meme describes them perfectly

Step 2: Learn the Lingo

At NeoGAF, you'll experience all kinds of people. As such a "lingua franca" begins to emerge. Terms like LTTP (Late to The Party) and IIRC (If I Recall Correctly) are used profusely in NeoGAF, and it is essential that you use terms like these alot. Some other ones to spam is GAF>(Something here)>GAF and "Ponyfying" your avatar with the courageous visages of the MLP ponies.

Step 3: Write "GAF" correctly

NeoGAF is not written as Neogaf, neogaf, NeoGaf, Neo Gaf, or especially not Neo gaf (This is blasphemy to the GAFFERs). Do this wrong and you will be banned.

Step 4: Making GIFs

At NeoGAF, Graphic Interchange Format or "GIF" based Animations is important. You may have to upgrade your modem to support it. Worry not, though, as GAFFERs feel that GIFs are very important, and now you must too. To make one, get a series of images and put them into an image editing program like GIMP and GIF away. Don't give me that look. GIFs are very funny and important, and are not just people's stupid avatars. Get GIFing.

Step 5: Repetition is Key

In NeoGAF threads, make sure to repeat a similar message over and over again. Also, unless a message has been quoted 1000 times, if someone clarifies something, ignore it. It's not important enough to read.

So honest citizen, you now know how to use the internets. You can now go to sites like NeoGAF and not feel afraid. Happy surfing citizen.

The Rules

The Average GAF Mod

The mods at NeoGAF are like the Jews of the internet (Jews can't use the internet normally. Their claws are too big for the keyboard) and they have many a rules:

The biggest rule of GAF is that the mods are always right and doing so much as asking something like "wtf is this thread?" in a topic started by a mod about his support of pedophilia will get you banned right away... That's not an overly specific example, that's something that actually happened.

And the rules of NeoGAF don't stop at NeoGAF. They follow you everywhere. Like some guy who was banned for viral marketing a Professor Layton game on Twitter that he had no financial stake in. And despite the guy creating tons of lulz on GAF, they threw him to the dogs (THOUGH IN THE END THE GUY GOT HIS OWN WEBSITE AND WENT TO E3 while the guy who owns the site could even get a fucking invitation.

NeoGAF Bans

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Did You Know: Miles Quaritch, the worse poster from NeoGAF is banned.


Reasons for ban from NeoGAF: Posting on NeoGAF About missing Pics

The Mods

The moderation team is a collection of sad cucks, like the fat fuck it the picture that you already saw in this article who is standing next to a tranny he would love to fuck. All of them are sad, self hating losers, which explains why one of the mods had a vasectomy... wait, that's the same guy again.

Their modetorial duties consist of making sure the users are shilling for whichever game they are getting paid to promote this week and finding excuses to ban users they dislike while also looking for ways to justify never banning any trannys or niggers from the forum no matter what they do. All this can be seen in a thread where one of the users leaked private mod conversations with, you guessed it, the same fat fuck.
In them, he discusses looking for "ammo" to ban a user he dislikes and how to best protect coons and dick-girls from the banhammer. Ten minutes later the thread was deleted and the user banned (but not before everything was saved).

ayyyy About missing Pics

The Users

Picture of an actual NeoGAF member from the Opa-Ages thread. Plenty more inside.

After the cleansing of every rational individual that used to post there by feminazi mods, the site is now full of autistic shut-ins who go on social justice crusades and pretend to be better than everyone else judging them using unrealistic standards that make no sense in real life and their own admin can't hold himself up to because he's literally a racist and sexual harasser. Opa-Ages is frequently hosting neoGAF special olympics threads to decide on the biggest awkward aspie of the month. These are actually photos they chose and posted of themselves in the FaceGAF thread which means they were the best they could find. Yes, these people look like that at their best.

The members spend all their time dodging bullets because, on one hand, NeoGAF wants to be known as an "edgy" troll forum (even though not a single member on it has ever talked to a girl), but on the other, Tyler wants to suck-up to SJWs whom he hates despite the fact he's almost raped a girl. So posting is a russian roulette where you have to guess if this week people are being banned for being too racist or for not racist enough.

You also can't say a single thing against the mods without getting banned. And we're not even talking about insults, just opinions. If a mod like Bruce Springstine and you like Jon Bon Jovi then you're fucking outta' here.

Lastly, you have to be mindful of which game company is paying Tyler to promote is this week. Praise or criticize the wrong one and you are banned.

As a result, being banned on this forum is a guessing game and its autistic member spend their time schizophrenically switching between trying too hard to be trolls who are "Too cool for the Internet", and feminist allies who white knight Anita.

The result is both sad, and hilarious to watch... Mostly sad.

Members of NeoFAG: Pedophiles in Denial?

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Avarage NeoFAG member
NeoGAF recommends homosexual incest.

Posted on August, the third, 2012, RurouniZel, a roneryfag and a shittyFan, of 2D Sonic games, insisted with a TL;DR message that NeoFags who enjoy the Atelier series were being Accused of being pedophiles without giving examples of said accusations. It seems a those accusations came up on previous threads and the result was a garbage circlejerk of people arguing over the pros and cons of pedophilia.

This may seem like an isolated incident, but it fucking isn't. Apparently, NeoGAF is a safe-haven for child molesters who troll the site for (not even) jailbait. Various thread about kiddie fiddling have been posted over the years and a number of real-life pedobears operate fairly openly on a forum filled with children. One particular thread has been saved by TheRalphRetort where the entire forum, including one of the moderators (and not the one quoted above... Yes, there are several pedo-sympathizer mods on GAF) rushed to the defense of someone who admitted to being sexually attracted to little kids.

Not only did they defend the potential statutory rapist, the defended a literal one when at least one user admitted to being an active pedophile.

And what did the mods do to people who criticized these NAMBLA members? They banned them.

That's right, on NeoGAF, a forum filled with kids, saying that pedophilia is bad is a bannable offense.

After the article on TheRalphRetort was posted NeoGAF's army of baby fuckers tried to get their butthurt revenge on Ralph but were unable to take him down because he's not a 12 year old girl.

And gay incest. NeoGAF would argue if heterosexual incest or homosexual incest is better.

FeoNAG

One day on GAF, a discovery was found. Another site called NAG had been literally copying everything they did. Every fucking thing. ToS, layout, announcements, tags, even those little messages under the username. Not believe me? Look for yourself.

But it gets better. Or worse. However you look at it. This guy who runs NAG is from africa named Miktar. He's also a dragon furry. No,seriously. Also, he admits he faps to dinos in the linked thread and says he does it as a hobby and not for a living (Fursecution would prevent such a market from developing). It gets lulzier here:


   
 
I like the curve
 

 
 

—Miktar, on Dragon Penises.

More plot twists! It turns out Miktar's real name is Ed Kock and his husband shows up on NeoGAF to defend him. This is srs bsns. Also, a pic of a naked man humping an inflatable dragon was found on his FTP. Seriously.

Despite all of this, I think we can all agree the site is still 1,000,000 better than NeoGAF. They also have Signatures (CLEARLY SUPERIOR!!!!!!)

How To Troll NeoGAF

  • Talk about certain games Tyler Malka forbid to discuss about. Example: Dungeon Travelers 2.
  • Duscuss about your favorite anime NeoGAF finds non-normal, like Boku no Pico for example.
  • Post images of otaku dolls and big glass cases displaying otaku dolls.
  • Ask Tyler Malka a question he doesn't want to answer on his Twitter page. But be warned, you'll be blocked instantly.
  • Make plenty of Photoshopped images that would offend NeoGAF and post it on the internet for them to see.
  • Ask @NeoGAF a controversial question on Twitter. He'll block you like you've never been blocked before.
  • Make a debate about heterosexual incest and homosexual incest. NeoGAF loves these types of incest.
  • Login to FFXIV on Ultros and shout or yell GAF'D. It's a troll word that trolls NeoGAF (GAF) for being shitters and shit-terrible at the game and anyone outside GAF.

How To Troll NAG

NAG is easy trolling material and can be exploited by the average EDiot as it takes disposable email and has a fanbase of idiots (Not unlike GAF). Just go on NAG and talk about the furries and niggers that go there. Also the fanbase is cultish towards their dragon leader, so fucking with him will start a shitstorm.

Also, if that fails, you can always use their IRC at nigger.furfag.gay sa.shadowfire.org for massive win. NAG uses /b/'s memes a lot for some strange reason. Furries are not welcome at /b/. Just make sure to go there and spam this image from his FTP non-stop.

A GAF Re-Douche: Final Fantasy XIV Online

To become one with the lard, you have to fill out a long application on NeoGAF's website just to be used or else you'll be rejected and laughed at.

If you think they're still communicating like a bunch of would-be elite-wannabe trolls in the NeoGAF website, then you sir, are correct. It was August 24th, 2013. The unsuccessful MMORPG Final Fantasy XIV was re-released as one of the most successful MMORPGs of the year. The fatties of NeoGAF got together and started a free company on the Ultros world as GAF. Also known as Gather Against Fate. Yeah, GAF. Very original. The leader and founder of GAF is a serious fat NeoGAF member who goes by his character name in Final Fantasy XIV Maple 'Ookie' Cookie. He got the name Maple Cookie because he's a obese glutton from stuffing his fat neckbeard face with delicious cookies and NeoGAF's cum-filled ookie cookies made with NeoGAF love. Other NeoGAF co-founders include Strawberry Shortcake, Safflower Amariyo, Baramoht Klynhollsyn, Drama Zeni, Elliott Kirkland, Mira Mora, Odoru Suika, and Scything Moon. Together they are all GAF-backwards.

GAF'D

What is the word GAF'D? And why the fuck do we need to know and care about this word? Is GAF'D a made up word by NeoGAF to insult non-GAF members? The answer is this. GAF'D is an inside joke (and next possible meme) by everyone not from GAF that literally is mocking and trolling NeoGAF's guild GAF for being shit-terrible at video games. Outside from video games, GAF'D is also another word for NeoGAF got trolled, butthurt, owned, and so on. It started back in a certain patch update in Final Fantasy XIV where elite hunts are available for everyone. All NeoGAF members of GAF would gather together and greedily jew-pull every elite hunt early without everyone getting a chance. Other GAF actions include:

  • Screwing up on purpose and blaming other party members in Party Finder or Duty Finder.
  • Commonly outright leaving parties after one wipe including learning groups.
  • Joining FATE parties to leech experience points by doing nothing but sitting their fatasses down stuffing their faces with Doritos and Mountain Dew.
  • Joining elite hunt parties to pull early without waiting and leaves after they get a clear.
  • Erotic role playing their GAF characters with different types of fetishes in public.
  • Not caring about anyone or anybody outside of GAF and NeoGAF.
  • Behaving like 40-year old manchildren.
  • False advertisement on GAF being "friendly" and "drama free" and other false words to sucker morons to join and be used.
  • Failing to communicate with other people not from GAF or NeoGAF.
  • Having a grudge against showers and clean hygiene.
  • Staying true to the NeoGAF rules as listed above.
  • Being fat.

So whenever any of this happens, people would shout out the word "GAF'D" in tribute to trolling GAF for their failures.

LOL GAF'D About missing Pics

Memes n' Shit

Accurate About missing Pics


See Also

External Links


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Other People and Sites That Got Involved:


People: Videogame "Journalists"Videogame ReviewersAdam BaldwinCameron BakerAnne RiceWilliam ShatnerJoss WhedonHideki KamiyaBoogie2988JonTronEgoraptorChris ChanAhuviya Harel/ADF-FuensalidaA Man in BlackNick DentonEllen PaoDarksydePhilMrRepzionRichard DawkinsRichard StallmanNerdcubedTotalBiscuitTheamazingatheistThunderf00tJulian AssangeWeevIcze4rGeorge R.R MartinStephen ColbertRoosh VNorthBySouthBaranofIronholdsGabe and TychoMaddoxFaggot Who Started OWSAngry JoeSceptre‎TheRalphRetortToddInTheShadows/LordKatChris KluweParkourDude91The Wannabe DickridersJewWarioMaxofs2dCowkittyAsalieriAlex WuoriAndrew HussieTransFrequencyDylann Storm Roof.

Sites: RedditVoatSJWiki76chanTwitterWikipediaTGWTGBoingBoingVICEStormFrontScrewAttackThe EscapistBuzzfeedSalonPatreonJezebelSomething AwfulTV Trope4chanEncyclopedia Dramatica ForumsEncyclopedia Dramatica.

Other: FacadeCards Against HumanityGNAABill Waggoner CrewMSNBC/CNN/BBC etcThe GuardianElectronic ArtsIntelAdobeGoogleShirtgateMillion Dollar ExtremeHatredPostal 2BaphometAnonymousGamersEverybody else on the internet and their dog.

Minor Related Pages: Censored article about Brianna WuList of people to annoy with your bullshitSarah Butts FFshrine chatlogsMilo Yiannopoulos - The feminist versionShanley Kane's butthurt rant.



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Featured article October 28 & 29, 2014
Preceded by
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