Nesshelper

From Encyclopedia Dramatica

This person has Assburgers Syndrome,
so you can't say anything bad! :-(

Be aware of that, you insensitive fuck.

GONNA GETCHU!!

Thought to be the second coming of either Jesus or Raymond Babbitt, nesshelper spends his time enjoying anime about hamsters, fucking dogs on his own property, and playing strategy games such as Fire Emblem, Advance Wars, and Mc Kids.

Secret Origins

Defender of Justice, MasterKnightDH is at your service!!

The perfect photoshop family.

Nesshelper is the result of a broken condom and failed abortion of Don Harlow, famed advocate of a made-up gook language that no one speaks, and his wife Angela. He is now 30 and living with his parents, although recent news shows he might be dead somewhere in Portland, Oregon. 1 2 3 4

History

Nesshelper used to engage in internet tough guy acts of threatening people over the internets and trolling on many mediums such as IRC, AIM, LiveJournal, and GameFAQs under monikers such as 'JuigiKario', 'KaiserSigma' or his dreaded blitz of 'NH-ERF-SRF-GS-M-D-AM-WM-ToPG' (Nesshelper, Edgar Roni Figaro, Sabin Rene Figaro, Goku-Son, Mog, Darmani, Armor Maker, Weapon Maker, Tales of Phantasia Gang) where he would fucktardedly pretend to be all of his childhood heroes in a giant circle jerk of justice that bombarded whatever 13 year old boy he was arguing against with the fury of 50 holocausts. But there came a point in his life when he decided the world was too dependant on his heroism (or that his parents finally figured out how to access AOL's parental controls) and decided to retire to his blog of justice where he could keep an eye on the world from afar and also gush about fanfiction of Codename: Kids Next Door.

The Saga of MasterKnightDH

For two years the world thought that Nesshelper was dead, but he just wanted it to think that, so that he could emerge as new internet vigilante MasterKnightDH. And what better medium for this than a spaztic vlog on the JewTubes. Most all of these are either his extraordinary video game feats, or long rants where he expresses heartache over the unwillingness of the female race to accept him. All rants are delivered through a mouth that sounds filled with cock and Nintendo music blarring over it.

It is very likely that Chris-chan has a better chance of getting laid than Nesshelper does.

He has deleted the most delicious rants, but luckily these are now mirrored in Vimeo: Nesshelper is immature, "girls like you should be raped, horribly", and the infamous hotel room rant.

Nesshelper on Tourneyfag

5

A long, witty, well thought out wall of text about ED's Tourneyfag article and Brawl. ~~He is correct, you should know. He banned comments and will never listen to anybody anyway, cause we are wrong, and he is right.~~ LOL I'M AN TOURNEYFAG WHO DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!!11 YOUR ALL FUCKING SCRUCBS!!!1!1!1111111

Gallery of Failure

Quotations

	“	HELLO? I DON'T suffer Short Man's Syndrome! I'm immune to it for starters, since I'm only an inch short of 6 feet, meaning my height is above average! If anything, I'd rather be somewhat short (for.....personal reasons), but the fact is that I'm not.	„
	—Nesshelper, Speaking at a NAMBLA convention

	“	Most of you think you're funny! Well, you're not! Tamaran (from the show Teen Titans) has names for people like you. You're clorbag varblernelks! (Yes, that insult was used by Starfire towards Beast Boy for pranking her while his main target was Cyborg, and making a joke about it.)	„
	—Nesshelper, speaking at a luncheon for AIDS awareness

	“	HOW DARE YOU PEOPLE IGNORE ME! YOU'RE JUST PROVING THAT YOU'RE UNCARING COWARDS! I AM SICK AND TIRED OF YOUR BULLCRAP! STOP PISSING ME OFF, PEOPLE! I AM SICK AND TIRED OF YOU AND YOUR SUCKING! IF YOU DON'T WANT TO HELP ME OUT WHEN I REQUEST IT AND GET SO MUCH BULLCRAP, THEN BURN IN HELL!	„
	—Nesshelper, Playing b-ball outside of the school

	“	I recieve abuse. As a result, I will try to force out who the IP 12.247.146.76 belongs to, and the moron who owns the IP will get flamed as well, and the abuser will be banned as well once I'm done with the moron.	„
	—Nesshelper, Applying martial law

	“	Super Smash Bros. Melee is EXTREMELY popular, so for Christ's sake, Fire Emblem should be AT LEAST NEARLY as popular, because a LOT of people would have been bound to unlock Marth at least by now. But what do I find? Most people don't even care about it! Jeez Laweezji! A large amount of people not caring about a hit series in Japan? That's stupid.	„
	—Nesshelper, Advocate of otaku awareness

	“	I challenged a moron to a one-on-one. He declined. Since he's a coward, that means I won by default! Here are the results: If this were an "RPG", I'd gain VERY little experience regardless of circumstances. I got 20,000 Talons. I got some Mithril Armor. I got a pair of Mithril Gloves. I got a pair of Mithril Boots. I got a Mithril Helm.	„
	—Nesshelper, winning the prize

	“	2. @ Home just dropped AT&T @ Home users! That is about 850,000 users total! I'M NOT JOKING! And know what else? I'm one of the @ Home users! 3. People are being uncaring, selfish hypocrits! They told somebody once before that he'd change his tone if one of his relatives was killed in the World Trade Center attack of 9/11/2001! Yet they don't care about what happened in 2! They should go back to elementary if they are NOT going to care about this because more people are affected by the @ Home incident than people were killed in the WTC attacks!	„
	—Nesshelper knows what people should be concerned about

	“	The IP of the idiotic spammer (who made the first 3 posts in this topic, including the starting post) is 208.0.9.9 gets out a Silver Bow and Silver Arrows and uses the Silver Bow to fire Silver Arrows at this topic until it falls dead	„
	—Nesshelper, giving a damn over the internet

	“	[20:08] juigikario: sigh It's like I can do nothing but wait to die. [20:10] juigikario: AND YOU DON'T CARE, DO YOU!	„
	—Nesshelper, After being told that the collective of /b/ is going to come kill him when he sleeps