NetWare

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Novell certified engineer

NetWare by Novell is quite possibly one of the greatest software products of all time. That is, if greatness to you is an application's complete inability to solve any apparent problem. Novell created NetWare to satisfy two requests:

  • IT directors asking themselves the common question, "Hmm, I'm running a Windows network, but since I'm completely out of my fucking mind, I don't want to use any Microsoft networking. LOL I PREFER SOFTWARE FREE AS IN BEER LINUX RULEZ???"
  • IT directors wanting to Profit but not smart enough to use UNIX (hence everything done in All Caps).

Using NetWare is vaguely like using Microsoft's Active Directory, in that NetWare is based on LDAP (Lame Directory Anarchy Protocol). However, NetWare has a lot more of the gay in it, and uses a bizarre filesystem, file sharing protocol, and requires an installation of MS DOS to initialize itself. Seriously. Shutting down a NetWare system leaves you at a C:\NETWARE> prompt. To restart the network, type "DEL *.* /S" (without the quotes, moron!) then hit <Enter> (See Using below, #3).

But even more than that, NetWare is just bad. It might have been great when Windows Server and Linux didn't exist, back in the days when 686 Processors dominated the server scene, but now there's no use for it. Its an operating system made just to torment operators. If you or anyone you know uses Netware for personal lulz, please kill them immediately.

Using NetWare

  1. BuyGet a copy of NetWare (65535 360K floppy images) off the Internets.
  2. Kill yourself for being a retard
  3. Install Windows Server 2003
  4. Badmouth Linux for the lulz.
  5. Install Linux (Requires replacement of the keyboard which has its CAPSLOCK key SuperGlued down)
  6. Badmouth Windows Server 2003 for the lulz
  7. Stab yourself in eyeballs while watching firefly
  8. Masterbate to the girls dorm cameras you run through the Eth lines (we know this is why you installed it in the first place)
  9. ????
  10. PROFIT!!!!