Net Neutrality

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Jump to navigation Jump to search
What? This article needs moar LULZ.
You can help by adding moar LULZ.


Police.gif IT GOT REPEALED NIGGERS 14.12.2017 NEVER FORGET HEIL PAI


Truer words have *never* been spoken.

Commonly known as "the second biggest lie ever told", Net Neutrality is a buzzword that was invented by the internet savvy masters of the internets to pacify the bleeding-hearts stupid, liberal furries who are trying to make the world better by blogging about their opinions.

Also, ask yourself this question. If they are doing everything they could to protest this, why aren't they protesting when Obama signed the treaty to move ICANN to Geneva while that WILL cause the Illuminati Globalists to have full control of your internet or when the EU voted to ban memes? Hypocrisy, anyone?

What the fuck is Net Neutrality?

As made obvious in the video, Comcast, Verizon, and AT&T are all Martian space ships out to raep us.

The Conspiracy

By 2012, your internet will either be only crap, crappier or moar crap!!.
File:Netneutrality2.PNG
Fuck you, internet. Fuck you.

While it is popularly told that Al Gore invented the Internet, the only thing he ever invented was global warming. Al Gore is simply a faceman for the Illuminati.

The Methods

The Illuminati and Jews want nobody to know of their plots, lest the entire power base collapse. This leads to hooded enforcers to make dissenters disappear at night. They have also awoken sleeper agents in governing bodies. You may find it necessary to sleep with a nightstick for protection.

Bandwidth throttling is another method perfectly justified and ethical way to battle t3h haxx0rz clogging up all the Internet tubes and threatening National Security. Notable cases include Comcast and Cox. Unfortunately, you need degree in Computer Science III to encrypt your traffic and prevent this.

Recipe for net neutrality panic

Combine into a massive PR campaign to convince the basement dwellers that the content provider is a helpless underdog that can't afford the telecom's rates, and if Congress doesn't do something right away they will LOSE THEIR PRECIOUS INTERNET OMG. Continue mixing until the FCC orders the telecom company to lease its network to the content provider for almost free, so that the content provider can use them in direct competition.

The Conspiracy Against Myself

As much as people love to complain about this, what's been lost in the shuffle is how these companies are setting up for self-pwning.

Currently, there are very few big ISPs and a several small ones. The big ones are big because they have bigger, more developed networks. That's why they can charge more for services. With net neutrality removed, there will be a limit where you can go on the internet. Essentially putting a sports car on a treadmill in the basement. Sure, it still looks cool and goes really fast, but you're not going anywhere. Meanwhile, the small ISPs will realize this new law only says you *can* charge for access, but you *don't have to* and they'll immediately have a major edge over the big ISPs. The end result, given the choice between being able to go where you want a little slower or go to a few places quickly, most people are going with full access. Hooray for the middle class!

Virgins vs Virgin: The Resistance

Save it.
Without it the Romulans will invade.

Last Thursday, the CEO of Virgin Media announced that he wasn't even going to pretend to maintain net neutrality. Like a butthurt 13 year old boy, he said it was "bullocks" [sic] which gives him the right to sell our interbutt however he sees fit. He plans to make sponsored sites load faster. Obviously, the chans and ED will be forced to slow down for Britfags now.

Bitch with tits says "net neutrality bad".


You maniacs, you blew it all up

Well we are nearing the end of 2017 and it seems to be ending on a pretty high note, what with the complete debacle of good ol US of A in Syria, the Satan virus stealing a lot of dumb people's shit and our god-emperor recognising Jerusalem as Israel's capital being some of the high points of the year, on December 17th the FCC decided to give us a nice Christmas present full of drama, lulz and fail - by repealing Net Neutrality rules.

The reactions before, during and after the fateful vote were as to be expected quite lulzy. A massive wave of hysteria fueled by a furious campaign of misinformation, lies and doctored information swept across the intertubes. Most notable of these was a bullshit graphic supposedly depicting how the internet was being handled in Portugal, which had a smaller, but very important part conveniently removed in order for the picture to be more propaganda-friendly. Various petitions were being signed, hordes of concerned citizens were ringing their senators and congressmen nonstop and everyone from (ex)king nigger to your grandma was screaming how the batshit fascists over at the FCC will plunge the world into a neo-feudal dark age ruled by ISPs.

However, the brave servants of our most holy emperor would not be deterred, and with a heroic triumph of 3-2 votes, the communist Net Neutrality was repealed. Loyal servants of his highness rejoiced both at home and abroad, while the reddies immediately announced over 9000 lawsuits against America, Donald Trump, the FCC and Agit Pai each while claiming that Russia did it...somehow.

TL;DR

Error creating thumbnail: File missing
Andrew Dobson wants us to listen to him on Net Neutrality.

Some internet content providers are causing users to use more than 20% of the service they pay for and lowering profits. This is a classic example of the lawyer and accountants take over.

Old Internet (Net Neutrality) = You pay for what you use.

  • You pay ISP/BACKBONE to download/upload to internet content providers.
  • Internet content providers pay ISP/BACKBONE to download/upload to users.
  • Not a big truck.

NO Net Neutrality = We all pay twice

  • You pay ISP/BACKBONE to download/upload to internet content providers.
  • Internet content providers will have to charge you for usage.
  • Internet content providers pay ISP/BACKBONE to download/upload to users.
  • Internet content providers pay ISP/BACKBONE to compensation for causing users to use more than 20% of the service they pay
  • Not a series of tubes.

however thats how basement dwellers see it.

No Net Neutrality IRL = More or less the same shit as the old internet

  • You do everything you could with the old internet as before
  • Jewtube will be forced to censor less non-jews for not doing jew things.
  • you will pay less for internet. (including the niggers)

As you can tell, ISP/BACKBONE win because it's the law.

See Also

External Links


City Street.jpg

Net Neutrality
is part of a series on

Life

[BRB HugboxGo Live One]

City Skyline.jpg
Real Life Objects

AirplanesAlcoholAmiiboBikesBlackberryBoatsBombsBooksBright Neon Nike ShirtCarsCell PhonesChairsCondomsDildosDrugsFireFoodGuitarsGunsKnivesLawnmowersMoneyMotorcyclesMotor OilPiercingScooterSkateboardsTamponsTattoosTelevisionToiletsTrains

Real Life Happenings

AbortionsAdvanced PlacementApril Fool's DayChristmasClubbingDeathDiseaseEasterHalloweenIncestJobsMass ShootingsMurderPay it Forward WeekendPregnanciesProtestsSexSchoolSleepSportsSuicideTraffic ControllersWage GapWar

People In Your Life

ArmyBrotherCopsCripplesDadGrandmaMilitaryMilitary WivesMomOld PeoplePeople (duh) • SisterUncle

See Also

The Comprehensive Guide To LifeIRLList of Proposed Internet-Based IRL CommunitiesMinimalismNight AuditorPokémon Go

Net Neutrality
is part of a series on
Jews
Raelian symbol.png
Patriarchs [-+]
Habitats [-+]
Traditions [-+]
H8s [-+]