Nick Hogan

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Atomic.gif Warning!
Drifting is serious business
Days of Fail, Aka Days of Asunder

Nicholas Alan Bollea better known as Nick Hogan, is the son of The Rock and is best known for totaling cars and having a SMOKIN HOT sister. Recently, he was involved in a serious accident in Clearwater, Florida after logging off of MySpace. He is in a stable condition but he managed to mangle his buddy, a 22 year old meathead by the name of John Graziano giving him "severe facial injuries" and possibly "brain damage". Much lulz are to be had from the fact that he had managed to serve in DQ safely but couldn't survive a drive with Nick Hogan.

Most assume that he planned to become an hero, because he realized his sister is Brooke Hogan. Another possible theory is that the Jews did it. There are some reports that Nick was racing a silver Dodge Neon. This could have been the Jews at work. Alternatively, Nick just can't drive for shit.

YouTube Favicon.png - News report on the crash

Perhaps Hogan doesn't know best
remember this is the second car he has totaled (well, that we know of)
Nick-hogan-seaking-shooped.jpg
How He Drove Home?

Hogan has managed to survive, however there may be repercussions for him for possibly killing his friend. If no drama results this article will most likely be filed as anti-lulz or baleeted all together ftw. Regardless, either way someone will end up finding God or getting upset over Hogan online drama. Which in return, obviously creates further corruptions of "LOL".

Tragic Accident

Everyone knows the transsexual son of Hulk Hogan Amirite? One night in Southern Florida, Nick Hogan was in a car accident. The cause was his boyfriend was mysteriously giving him a handjob when Nick Hogan tried to reach for the Cock, but hysterically meat spinned out of place. Now he is in a coma/

I has sponsorz

Uninspiring-named website TMZ.com managed to hack Nick Hogans Myspace and posted his first "posting" since the crash:


   
 
"omggggg its been forever since i blogged...hell i dont even know what blog means but i guess its where you write stuff for people to read

anyways my last one was before i even drove for mopar, if you check my pics youll see that i did end up driving for them for my amateur season and most of my pro rookie season. i recently left the mopar team tho...things didnt work out to well

but!....i picked up a new title sponsor...POLAROID! and started my own team with twin 350z's pretty cool i know

anyways id like everyone to wish my luck for my 08 season and keep john graziano in your prayers"
 


 
 

—Nick Hogan's Myspace

Due to the butthurt possibilities (re: pocketbook and bottom line), Polaroid stepped up and denounced Nick, saying na-uh, we ain't sponsoring you spoiled brat!! Nicky still continues to consider them as "friends," but his other friends might also desert him like Polaroid.

According to his website, his other sponsors are:

BF Goodrich http://www.bfgoodrichtires.com/bfgapp/index.jsp (Use the Contact Us button; javascript popup)

Sparco http://www.sparcousa.com/contact.asp

Mac Tools http://server.iad.liveperson.net/hc/s-44183334/web/ticketpub/msgcontroller.jsp?surveyname=Mac%20Tools%20Incoming%20Message%20Form

K-Sport http://www.ksportusa.com/asp/contact_us.asp

Meguiars http://www.meguiars.com/customercare/

THIS CALL MAY BE RECORDED OR MONITORED

“New Nick Show: Where I’ll make the most money…REAL-ality”

THIS CALL MAY BE RECORDED OR MONITORED!!

Nick Hogan (hereinafter “Whiny Bitch”) was lying on his stomach in his prison cell sometime last Thursday rubbing his anus against his cellmate Bubba's anus in a scissor leglock. After a while of stroking each others genitals, Whiny Bitch had a flash of clarity and epiphany from the Jew God of greed deriving from the unfairness of having to spend 8 months in prison when he's rich and not a afro-Amerikkkan:

  1. Crash car
  2. Injure friend who's home from the 100 year war war in Iraq.
  3. Make fucktarded reality show
  4. Generally be a vapid piece of human shit
  5. Fuck hot sister
  6. Contract Teh AIDZ
  7.  ??????
  8. Profit!

This spiritual event has led to many lulz on the internets. People are "furious with moral outrage" and expressing their bullshit opinions by copypasta-ing the phrase: “A reality show would be completely inappropriate and just plain wrong” over 9000 times all over the web. Trolls and fucktards have responded by telling them what the Whiny Bitch’s lawyers are saying: “All these tapes are being taken out of context” and “You fucking asshole, why did you cut these words together and start all these bullshit lies.” See what the following fucktard said for guidance:


   
 
"these calls are butchered cut up audio. there taken out of context. this is all a hoax you idiots. adobe audition is pretty good software to cut and splice a conversation. the Hogans would not act this cold hearted. use your f'n brains....the Hogans are great people....oh, you can get audio from their tv show and make your own crap and add it in in the jail calls too. it doesnt make it real. Myth Busted
 

 
 

The Hogans have tried to keep all their future phone calls secret by adding “izzle” to all their words. However, it’s been argued by all experts that this is actually the native language in their homeland of Fucktardia. It is hoped that Nick Moar liek SPIC, AMIRITE?? crawls back up into his mother's pussy and suffocates to death when he's released from Guantanamo.

Background

Nick, being lifted into the WHAAAAAMbulance

according to Nick's MySpace profile

   
 
im a chill dude and i dont like confrontation and bullshit,i hate drama and all that, love drifting and motorsports. Sso now you know i drift, i also do a show on vh1 blah blah blah, i love to go have a good time, i love to drive...anything, driftin is my true true passion, acting comes second. im rambling bc i never really figured out the whole "learn to format a paragraph" crap andd i love being down south, out west and in the water, i hate being anywhere considered "north"...it just has a bad vibe about it and i hate cold weather lol...
 

 
 

—Nick Hogan

Trivia

8/10, would suck
  • Nick openly gave out his AIM screenname (btmfdr33) on a shitty episode of Hogan Knows Best.
  • Nick Jews managed to cause a Lamborghini Diablo to burst into flames just by driving it in 2006. True Story.[1]
  • Ironically, Hogan does not know best, or he would have permabanned his filthy spawn IRL.
  • Nick was one of the marginally famous celebrities whose nudes were exposed by TheFappening (see right). Nobody cares though, because there are no gays on the Internet.

Other Former Child TV "Stars" That Race Cars

  • Frankie Muniz
  • JonBenet Ramsey NOT NO MOAR! ROTFL!

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