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From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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|THIS ARTICLE GOT US BANNED FROM PATREON LOLOLOL|
Niggers (or the more politically correct Basketball-Americans) are a sub-human invasive species of simian de-volved from GOOGs (gibbons, orangutangs or gorillas; not bonobos/chimps, a higher life form). They have infiltrated, polluted and destroyed every nation in the world. Niggers are poor, retarded, ugly, and even worse, they smell even after taking a shower. Niggers pretend to act civilized, but one quick glance at one or a group of them will dispel this illusion. Niggers are the pack mule of the human race and should be treated as such. A Negroid specimen, when subjected to the correct conditions, evolves into a highly dangerous form known today as the "nigger". These niggers are known to capture Caucasian females and drag them back to their hives for breeding.
Niggers, instead of acting like developed and civilized human beings, will almost always resort to their monkey instincts by getting drunk on Colt 45, Olde English, or any other cheap ass malt liquor, smoking menthol cigarettes and weed rolled up in KFC receipts, as well as copious amounts of crack, then driving around raping white women and throwing their own feces at other niggers, similar to their tree-dwelling monkey predecessors. Because of the prevalence of violence in nigger society, 9 out of 10 niggers will be gunned down before the age of three.
The diet of a nigger consists entirely of fried chicken, watermelons, collard greens, grape soda and Kool-Aid. Niggers also almost constantly make noise about raping white women and stealing welfare checks from invalid grandmothers so they can pretend they bought those plastic spinning hubcaps they stole from other niggers to "pimp out" their stolen 1974 Cadillacs. Breakdancing was invented by niggers stealing hubcaps from moving cars.
Nigger women are the more dangerous of the species. They also happen to be stupid, poor, ugly, and smelly, but most of all, they are fat obnoxious assholes. Nigger women, also known as negresses or nigras, are land-whales who will constantly talk, yell, and babble to each other in Ebonics, in public, at ridiculous volumes. Nigger women, when challenged, show their stupidity as well, by taking off their earrings, shoes and bling before fighting, as their brains are not big enough to know this has no fucking effect whatsoever. If you confront a negress in public, beware, for she will surely call her sistahs to "handle yo ass."
All niggers are dangerous in groups, regardless of gender, and travel in packs. This is because they wish to buy a large bucket of KFC chicken to share amongst their tribe. No upstanding white folks should ever have contact with a group of niggers. If you are a white person who has had contact with a nigger - wait, who are we kidding? Niggers don't know how to read anyways. If you come into contact with a nigger, it is advisable to immediately shower for at least four hours, lest the black taint assimilate you and transform you into one of them. Luckily, the nigger taint, not unlike those it infects, cannot stand the touch of hot water or soap. This is the reason niggers stink.
Places you can go to find Niggers interacting with nature include Africa, KFC, prison, and your local Zoo. For a
heart-warming lulzy end to your visit at the zoo, go to the primate enclosure and you may see some niggers spending some quality time with their relatives flinging shit at each other and screeching obnoxiously. For this reason, zoos commonly mistake niggers for escaped chimpanzees and throw them into the chimp enclosure, where they quickly fit right in and fully revert to their monkey appearance.
The term and its meanings
"Nigger" is in fact a derivative of the Latin word "Niger/Nigra" which simply meant Black. When the Spanish ruled the world at least 100 years ago this evolved into the term "Negro," again meaning black plain and simple, and then Renaissance-era biologists using Latin to sound pretentious while naming new and specific species coined the term Nigger to refer to Black people specifically with absolutely no intention of being offensive whatsoever. The term caught on and was originally a positive friendly term at least 100 years ago (read Mark Twain books and E.S. Nigger Brown Stand). This old usage meant in general people with dark skin.
Then it changed to have an archaic definition as a pejorative. First, Abe Lincoln set loose the apes. This was widely regarded as a bad move and has made a lot of humans upset. However, the apes weren't grateful: they were butthurt about losing their rightful place in the world. Due to said butthurt they decided that all the old terms for their kind were suddenly offensive. Taking a cue from this, other races began to use "Nigger" as an insult. This archaic usage is still used by American blacks who haven't gotten over their victim complex and by American whites (often college professors) with the baggage of liberal guilt.
With the spelling altered to "Nigga" due to ebonics linguistic requirements, and all niggers being dumped off at Lake Forest Middle, it is now considered friendly term among blacks, and a verbal request to be murdered if said by anyone else. The more specific term "Thug" or "Gangsta" refers to a negroid who feels the need to act like a hard-ass all the time for no apparent reason. Such "street niggers" are the bane of all civilized people.
But let's cut the bullshit and get down to the facts here, people. "Nigger" can refer to anybody of any skin color these days, but let's face it, ya'll... it is more commonly used to reference a piece of shit black "person" who spends all his time standing on the street corner drinking malt liquor, smoking crack, and figuring out how to kill you and take your stuff.
Many niggers are offended by some of the terms referring to their race (but not if they are used by a nigger). If you choose from this list, you might find one that the niggers you're talking about doesn't mind hearing: African-American, afro-American, ape, Aunt Jemima, black, blackfella, bluegum, Basketball-American, boy, buckwheat, chimpanzee, Chimp, colored person, coon, cotton picker, gator bait, jigaboo, jive talker, jungle bunny, mammy, monkey, moolie, Moor, mud person, murder monkey, muthafuckah, gangsta, my man, nappy head, negro, negroid, nigga, nig, niggah, nigger, nig-nog, nigra, nigaboo, person of color, pickaninny, porch monkey, groid, Sambo, schwartze, schvoogie, sharecropper, shine, shooter, shitskin, slave, spade, spearchucker, spook, tar baby, token, Uncle Tom, welfare monkey, coons, cotton-pickers, dawgs, jungle monkeys, colored people, chimps, pavement apes, chocolate people, homies, porch monkeys, groids, spooks, darkies, shit-skins, spades, gorillas, blackies, nigras, welfare sloths, kaffirs, mooncrickets and antique farming equipment. Lookfor many archaic terms for various shadings of the breed.
Remember kids: a half-nigger is called a OREO COOKIE. Ya know, like Obama.
"Nigger" is a term seldom heard in the wasteland that exists outside the shining shores of America, because while America is the only nation to ever elect a nigger leader without vote rigging, the unwashed foreign hordes enjoy feeling superior to Americans while simultaneously oppressing their own niggers. Paradoxically, the unwashed foreign hordes use words like boy casually, sending stuck up, usually white, American nigger apologists into spasms of indignation. However, the close relative of the Nigger, the Sand Nigger, has made a comeback in Britain. The superior white South Africans also call them "kaffir", which is derived from the Sand Nigger word kafir meaning infidel.
Niggers were invented by our very drunk God after having lost badly at a poker night with Buddha, Satan, and whatever deviant gods the towel-headed Arabs claim to worship in between camel buggering. The first niggers were created from turds taken from dingy, smelly shit pits in Africa to be used as slaves to make white people's lives easier and find a market for the watermelon, a vegetable posing as a fruit that normal white people would never eat. It is also believed that a big piece of shit, shoved up an orangutans pussy before being fucked by a skunk, evolved into the nigger and subsequently the dark brown color of the species and the overpowering body odour because of the genetic structure of the piece of shit combined with the skunk cum in the orangutan pussy.
The human recognized the threat of niggers raping everyone and breeding everywhere and waged war on the niggers for over 9000 years. Utilizing its superior technology, the human defeated nigger-kind and exploited its innate retardation for the purpose of slavery, building monuments for humans such as Ancient Rome. After three hundred years of deserved servitude, most niggers were freed by a coalition/conspiracy butthurt liberals (Abraham Lincoln) and accidentally freed niggers (Martin Luther King) who took advantage of the Confederate States of America and the failure of ten million inbreds to keep five million niggers dumb and happy picking cotton and eating watermelon.
Sometime in the late 20th century, the niggers renamed themselves as niggas, in a vain attempt to shed their truly shitty history. It didn't work, as shown by the saying "you can take the nigger out of the jungle, but you can't take the jungle out of the nigger." Niggers nowadays use their new-found freedom for constructive purposes such as robbing liquor stores, shooting each other with Tec-9's, raping white women, and wearing clothes that are about ten sizes too big...
Niggers in ancient times
A lot of niggers believe that the ancient Egyptians were actually niggers. Yeah, right. Like a nigger can figure out how to mummify something. Or build a pyramid. Or make a chariot. (Though there are numerous hieroglyphic records of chariots being stolen by what the Egyptian cops called "baboon people," there are no records of niggas with Egyptian drivers licenses or chariot insurance. Some things never change.) In fact, there's a whole religion dedicated to the idea that the ancient Hebrews were actually black, for whatever reason they want to be that. Just tell them any group of people or specific person who ever did anything useful or left their mark on human existence was a nigger, even though it's not true. They'll start chattering with their absurdly big lips in excitement. Whatever happened in the past, it's the fault and the problem of everyone with the same skin color who did who did it, as long as it wasn't them. Then it's time to start getting butthurt and making pathetic excuses.
Another common nigger belief is that the ancient Greeks were just a bunch of fuck-tards until they stole the niggers knowledge and invented math. Nobody ever 'splained to the niggas that knowledge is not a physical, finite substance and that if somebody steals your knowledge, you still have it. There are no confirmed records of niggers ever having any knowledge at all, with the notable exception, during post-Civil War reconstruction, of knowin' how to steal watermelons from Whitey's fields.
The Vikings called niggers "the blue men" because in their silly hurdy-gurdy language the words for "blue" and "black" were all fucked up. Some niggers even journeyed with the Vikings (taking easily to the Viking career options of pillager, raider, rapist and thug) and took Viking wives (who were likely pale skinned, blue eyed and blonde haired, showing that even back then, niggers "loved dem' white wimminz").
However, there is evidence that some Somali niggers were great pirates back in the day... Well, okay that probably ain't too unrealistic once you think about it; looting ships armed with guns, swords and knives, gangbanging white hookers and stealing gold and bling, it's not too surprising there, g'noewatimsayun?
A Nigger is the long sought after "missing link" between man and ape. They are characterized by their over-sized lips, tight-curled hair, and their love for fried chikins, watermelons, purple drank, large asses, jailhouses, crack rocks, and dat wyte pussay.
The female version of this species of sub-human is the Nigress, or "She-Nigger". They are known mostly for their completely, impossibly over-sized asses, their completely fucktarded names (Bix Nood, Tamqueesha, Mo'neeque, Mercades, LaFawnduh, etc), and their 6 inch long fake nails.
Why niggers love watermelons and fried chicken
Niggers are attracted to bright colors and large amounts of sugar, not unlike their cousins who swing from trees. Niggers get obsessed by trivial pleasures like watermelon, fried chicken and bling because it stimulates a vestigial part of their primitive jungle brains. Niggers are by their very nature useless scroungers. They didn't grow anything, they didn't raise anything, and they didn't hunt anything. They've spent the last entire fucking millennium before captivity foraging for food on the jungle floor - minimizing their physical activity during the day, and seeking to avoid predators during the night.
The primary component of the Nigger diet in da Muddaland was ripened and rotting fruit. This was a huge bonus in terms of survival - easy to digest, and rich in water and carbohydrates it took very little energy to digest and assimilate.
Niggers today are still "Hard Wired" to get all excited over brightly colored fruit drinks, which is programmed into their DNA - and will invariably make a bee-line to the fruit punch and grape drank fountains in the cafeteria thinking they've hit the jackpot!
Don't be fooled - Niggers are still the same stupid, primitive apes they were a 100,000 years ago. A few decades of MTV and Affirmative Action isn't going to change a damn thing!
Types of Niggers
- Wannabe Nig: Someone who for unfathomable reasons seeks to become any of the other creatures on this list. May call themselves a "transnigger", "burned cracker" or many other Euphemisms.
- Quadroon: A racial cocktail, consisting of one part mulatto, one part fat white trash. Shake well and incarcerate.
- The Nig: The Nig is essentially a nigger pretending to act civilized in order to rape your children. Obongo hisself is the most well-known Nig currently alive.
- The Negro: The Negro is known for having all the basic traits of the nigger species. They share a fetish for fried chicken (most likely Church's Chicken because it's the cheapest kind) and purple drank (a fruit juice-cough medicine concoction, boiled sweets optional). Their attire includes clothes that are 10 sizes too big, fake gold chains, converse sneakers, flannel shirts that fit so god damn tight its disgusting, and custom baseball caps with flattened brims and the tags still on, cuz dey gotz dat [email protected] Some niggers also are known to have dey dreds so deyz be lookz coolz n sheeit. These objects are not only retarded, but filthy and disease ridden. If you see a nigger with dreadlocks walking toward you, prepare your anus.
- The Double Nigger: The Double Nigger makes up about 85% of crime in the U.S., as well as 99% of all gangs . They're known for making JewTube videos in which they flash their 10 dollar bills while wearing their respective gang's "Cullaz", smoke blunts, and show off their Cerebral Palsy or some shit. The Double Nigger have been immortalized in Rockstar Game's Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas.
- The Niggest: The Niggest are the indigenous niggers of Africa, a continent known for its AIDS, and ass-backwards society. Their skin is so black, that the only way you could possibly see them after dark would be if they showed their teeth, but by then, it will be too late. This is the main cause of the spread of AIDS in Africa, as it is in the nigger's (especially the Double Nigger and Niggest's) primal nature to rape anything that moves.
Since all niggers are too retarded to learn proper English, they are practically impossible to understand. Their "language" is in fact the epitome of laziness. An example in modern ebonics is "ackin" for "acting" because its just too much mental effort moving the tongue to the roof of the mouth to make a "t" sound. Sometimes the nigger is simply too derro to learn proper English. Example: "hello my name is jamie" converts to "YO YO YO wazzup bitches and bitchets me names jamie c, respectaz or ill pop a cap in yo' white ass foo'!" Typical nigger's burns consist of putting random words together. Examples include "yo ol' burnt skittle lookin azz" or "poptart frostin' bald head." After the niggers burn on each other every other nigger laughs as loud as possible for 20 minutes with their hands in front of their mouths in an idiotic way and then start shooting each other over drugs. The last nigger standing will then take all the drugs in epic win. Hopefully, he'll kill himself after realizing his homies are dead, causing lulz.
Not to be confused with English, for whites, Engrish, for Asians, El English, for Mexicans, Nigger Speak is it's own form of language, containing many profanities and numerous nonsense/useless slang words in a single sentence. On the internet, this stupidity is magnified at least 100 times and usually leaves all other races in a wtf moment. Unlike 13375p34k, where the words have minor purpose, Nigger Speak has no use whatsoever and is the Nigger's way of getting back at the white man. The normal conversation between two fluent in Nigger Speak goes something like this "Smh, lmlmlml, dat sht hd mi rolin on duh fukin flor" "Omkfc, ikr"
See here for an example of the North American Nigger, in its native habitat:
—Some nigga rapper AKA Madd-Rippah
- Throwing their pitiful life away (Breaking News : niggers can't control themselves)
- Having no self-respect (niggers are pretty shameless)
- Mental Retardation
- Attention Whores worse than a drag queen
- Playing the race card (niggers top secret weapon )
- Intimidating other animals
- Loving their drugs and bling more than anything in this world(including wife and kids)
- Pretending having money (but you'd know better, unless you're a Retard.)
- Even taking stupid photos of them with money in their mouths
- Basketball and other sports that require no strategy and more stealing (the only things they are not lazy about). Don't worry, every last person on the team playing a position that requires thinking or having some sort of instinct other than making rudimentary impulse-response judgment (point guards, quarterbacks, not to mention the coaches) will be white. If a nigger does manage to get into such a position, they suck ass at it.
- Raping white wimminz (the other thing they are not lazy about)
- Bragging about their massive cocks (Which they don't know how to use)
- Being so fucking loud at movie theaters and plays
- Stealing from whitey
- Whining about The Man keeping them down
- Driving expensive cars to the welfare office
- Collecting welfare checks
- Spending welfare checks on chicken and rims
- Eating KFC
- Eating shit in Europe
- Robbing local convenience stores
- Stealing bikes
- Being a useless waste of space in general
- Getting beat up by the cops
- Taking loads of crack
- Ripping dumb whitey with 419 scams
- Wasting precious carbon atoms
- Being fucking useless
- Pissing off Jesus
- Starving to death
- Fighting constant civil wars
- SHOOPED, NIGGA
- Shooting each other
- Stealing Air Jordans (nigger shoes)
- Joining gangs
- Eating watermelinz
- Becoming a whitey's bitch
- Looking like shit
- Not going to school
- Sleeping in the streets
- Eating shit
- Spreading AIDS
- Getting thrown to jail for no reason
- Singing and clapping in church
- Tricking the Human race into thinking that they are one of us
- Performing drive-bys with an Uzi
- Shitting on your porch
- Being complete assholes
- Winning first place in a Monkey beauty pageant
- Stinking like shit
- Being negative influences on dumb white kids, even dumber, poorer asian kids and Spics.
- Driving down the street and blasting shitty rap music out of their rusted out Cadillac/Chevy Caprice.
- Using Ebonics in the presence of intelligent white people, then getting pissed off when asked what the fuck they said.
- Performing some inane athletic activity like knocking a football out of the air or dunking a basketball. After doing this, the chest must be pounded repeatedly while jumping up and down. This will get you a three-second clip on ESPN while they play the intro music.
- Tripping over their baggy pants as they run from the cops.
- Being shit
A brief, though multi-faceted encyclopedia entry on niggers was featured in the Swedish Nordic Family Encyclopedia Book, given out in 1913, which recounts the following:
Look, there are 35 million niggers in the United States alone. Every level of government has a shitload of programs to help advance them in society, as does every company that does business with any one of those governments, every college and university, every professional sports team, and just about every enterprise with over three employees (and not just limited to shoe shine stands). But nearly every one of the 35 million niggers is either in jail, doing something that will land them in jail, fucking up the place they live in, wasting thousands of dollars that Whitey spends to educate them, suing their employer for 'scrimmination, applying for government benefits, sellin' drugz, or some other worthless/antisocial pursuit. The ones in college are mostly majoring in Black Studies, which mainly fills their nappy, limited-capacity heads with stories of 500 years of slavery at the hands of the white man. This qualifies them to sue the people that hire them, to lobby for reparations, and to work for the release of every nigga in every prison everywhere.
In spite of this thoroughgoing worthlessness, a few niggers manage to rise above the slime at the bottom of the cesspool and become known in the world of humans. All of them are listed below. Less than a hundred famous niggers out of a population of 35 million, and that's stretchin' it. These few heroes done threw off their chains an' BECOME somebody!
Culture and Lih-trih-chur
08:58:03 <Leonidas> weev: Black culture is a result of affirmative action, segregation and poverty. 08:58:07 <weev> no 08:58:10 <weev> black culture is a result of NIGGERS
Don't kid yourself, retard. Niggers are too fucking stupid to come up with anything resembling culture, and the only thing they can write, ever, is the word "motherfucker", preferably on the side of your house. Niggers have shown us only one example of anything resembling culture: in LA, there is a nigger club called the Crips. They're fucking dumb. So are their butt buddies, the Bloods. Any and all black "culture" was wiped out by 200 years of slavery, leaving freed niggers to choose between acting white or drinking 40z in after rape/murder sessions.
As part of the efforts to keep the nigger population under control, as well as reducing the need to buy riot gear and import watermelons from foreign sources, niggers are now required by Federal Law to breed only in Atlanta during Spring Break. Not that they pay any attention to this law any more than they do any other law. The act of niggers engaging in sexual reproduction with humans is classified as bestiality.
During the official nigger mating season, the nigger performs a fantastic mating ritual to locate a victim. First, said nigger smokes a shit load of weed. Then, the nigger hides in a mud puddle - years of evolution allow the nigger to simply blend in. After spotting the perfect white woman (niggers hate mating with their own kind, since all niggers secretly wish they weren't niggers), they jump out of the puddle and beat the innocent woman to the ground. After letting the woman beg to let her keep her virginity, the nigger proceeds to rape her in every possible opening, after which the nigger kills its forced mate for fear of its natural enemy, child support. If the said negro belongs to a hive, the nigger captures the woman and forcibly drags her to the hive for breeding.
Niggers fornicate heavily all year round. "Fornicating" to a nigger means raping respectable white women, fucking a dog in the ass instead of another nigger, or falling for a female's mating ritual. Niggers caught fucking a she-nig are cast out by their tribe of home-boys for breaking with tradition and being wack.
In spite of the U.S. breeding restrictions, many American Niggers simply go to other countries to spawn with humans, and return with Nigger/humanoid hybrids. Pittsburgh Steelers wide receiver Hines Ward is the product of one such case...his daddy was a nigger who enlisted in the army for free college and healthcare, and his momma a South Korean woman (a nigger will fuck anything that moves except another nigger, even if it's a respectable citizen of an ally of the government they serve). Hines, instead of building TV sets in Seoul for two dollars a fucking week, is the highest paid member of the most famous team in the NFL (Nigger Felony League). He can catch and hit hard like a nigger, but he runs elusively like a skittering little Chink. The combination is deadly for opposing defenses.
Although the nigger seems like a powerful foe, it has many natural predators. In addition to child support, one of the more visible predators who actively hunt niggers are the common rednecks. Niggers hate rednecks almost as much as rednecks hate niggers, although both have much in common. They're products of selective inbreeding, are significantly lacking in intelligence and common sense to an almost fatal level, listen to music that is offensive to the ears and damaging to the other senses, drink alcoholic concoctions that differ very little from urine, and practice poor hygiene almost as an art form.
Arguably most widespread natural enemies of niggers are the common street cops or sheriffs, also known as "pigs", "blue devils", "the Man", or "the police" (po'- leece, in Ebonics). Cops are known to hunt for niggers on a continual basis not because they are racist but because 99.9 percent of crime is done by—you guessed it—niggers. To a cop, trying to bust a non-nigga for a crime like shooting at a barrel full of fish in hopes of nailing a duck. Niggas are the broad side of a barn when it comes to violating the law.
Another natural predator is the KKK, although everybody agrees that when contrasting the KKK from rednecks is useless because truth be told, there ain't no fucking difference between the two groups at all. Every Klansman is a redneck and every redneck is a Klansman.
In a peculiar turn of nature and society, the nigga is often its own natural enemy. If a nigga is actually guilty of doing harm to other niggas, like shooting them, stealing their money, setting up crack houses in their neighborhoods, and so forth, the other niggas refuse all aid to the cops who are trying to end their oppression. This nigga "don't snitch" policy has two beneficial effects: First, it lets the perp keep shootin', stealin' and dealin' crack, which pushes the nigga community ever downward into the muck. And second, the absence of nigga prosecution witnesses in court encourages the legal system to incarcerate shitloads of niggas regardless of their guilt; this has the effect of greatly reducing the number of niggas on our streets and in the breeding population. And that's a good thing.
The Nigra Civil Rights Movement
Despite the niggas being freed by whitey, there was still tons of racism, 'specially in the American South following the end of the Civil War. Groups of Confederate soldiers, still seething in butthurt rage after taking a much-deserved ass-whooping from their Northern masters, didn't want their former pieces of property to get away too easily. In a way, nobody can entirely blame them; who else could cope with losing valuable human working machines that were forced to pick their cotton and perform hard labor without pay? So the KKK was established, and the Jim Crow laws started taking place. Anyway, niggers were lynched in the 1800's and early 1900s because they are well hung.
An important part of the Civil Rights movement was the NAACP, an organization famously started by white people, then taken over by the niggs. The original meaning of "NAACP," forged during the civil rights struggles of the 1950s and 1960s, was "Niggers Ain't Acting like Colored People." There was too many lulz in it, so Sambo changed it.
Black History Mumf
In 1976, a bunch of niggaz decided to set aside a mumf (month, in Standard English) to demonstrate to the world that Africans and peoples of African descent had contributed to the advance of history. Knowing that there actually were no such contributions, and that nobody would be interested if there were, the niggas chose February, the shortest, coldest, and most miserable month of the year.
Now, every February, schools, libraries and other governmental offices put up displays purporting to honor nigga contributions. The actual contributions of the race, (to brutal sports, popular music with filthy lyrics, and criminality of all sorts), are taboo, of course. So well-meaning white folk show off a few niggas who assisted Caucasian do-gooders in freeing the Nigga from slavery (BIG fucking mistake, Whitey!), the guy who invented the traffic light, the handful of niggas who knew how to write books, and a few other made-up stories about nigga accomplishments. For 28 days, school kids and others laugh at the pathetic nature of the race, and at the end of the mumf, everything is put away for another year.
Niggers try to Ban their own name
On July 9th, 2007, a bunch of niggers at NAACP thought that if they symbolically buried the word nigger, people would stop using it. As soon as this was broadcasted, everyone in the world cried out "NIGGER!", proving that even stupid shit like this will not ban a word. Sorry niggers, you'll never win. Niggers try to ban their own name because they crash into each other and output poop to pull off a poop orgy.
By July 10th, the famous n-word done return from the dead, an fasten itself onto peeps like Jesse, Sharpton, Michael Vick, Halle, an so forth. Dat muthafucka sho be hard to kill!
Confronting a Nigger
When confronting a nigger in everyday society while unarmed, it is best that you contact your nearest Skinhead or law enforcement official. If you are armed, it is best you shoot them on sight and immediately proceed to curbstomp the fuck out of them as a safety precaution. (see Edward Norton for tips on how to best handle a nigger) If unarmed, your only hope is to scream "OH LAWDZ IS DAT SUM CHIKUN?!" and use the distraction to avoid raep. Interacting with a nigger is highly discouraged as it is more than likely you will be immediately raep'd, robbed and/or transferred HIV/AIDS.
Surviving a nigger attack
That being said, A nigger will attack a man if they are startled, need money, or if direct eye contact is made. The best way to avoid danger is to avoid the nigger or by playing fetch with it using fried chicken.
As you walk or travel through nigger territory, and if you can not see more then 50 to 100 feet in front of you, call out every few minutes until you enter a clear area. Some people call out, others sing, some wear nigger-bells. The point being is to make a lot of noise. In most cases the nigger will run away in a state of confusion.
If you see a nigger, talk to the nigger; study and utilize the standard watermelonz, rap music and bling. Don't talk too soothingly, or he may thing you are trying to be all gay on him. Niggers are known for being very sensitive about their supposed "manhood". Make sure he sees you. Hold you arms high above your head. this will make you look like a much bigger to him. Continue to talk and slowly back away. If you run he will chase you. Niggers can run and jump extremely fast.. If this is ineffective and he begins speaking in retarded, low-pitched ebonics, talk to him in soothing tones about things he is familiar with, such as muh dick,
If the nigger lunges at you, jump into water (niggers are horrible swimmers). If you are in an area without water (such as the ghetto or the desert plains of Africa) run in a zigzag motion towards a police station or the white part of town. This will surely confuse him.
Whatever you do, DON'T climb a tree. Niggers have had plenty of practice at this sort of thing, as their tree-climbing instincts were honed to a razor edge deep in the jungles of Africa.
Another popular defense against niggers is to carry nigger spray. This has soap and water in it which niggers hate. If you spray the nigger he may change his mind or break off an attack; although he may become infuriated and enter a furious black rage.
Stay away from niggers. Many tourists think they look cute and like to get close enough to take a picture. Do not be stupid! Also remember that a niggress with baby niggers is very protective and dangerous and may attack even though you think you are a safe distance away.
Do NOT feed a nigger your change, no matter how much it begs. This will only attract even more niggers. Many AIDS outbreaks have spread into otherwise clean areas just from niggers being attracted to the sound of loose change. Do your part to keep the epidemic down.
Do not try to touch or pet niggers. Their behavior is unpredictable.They might bite and poison you with their sharp teeth. Only younger specimen can be trained to serve a good cause. DO NOT APPROACH THE HERD OF MORE THAN 2 NIGGERS! They might confuse you with a bucket of chicken, and feed on you.
In short, just don't go to niggertown--why would you want to anyway? There's nothing there to do but dodge bullets and stand around, buy New York Yankee hats of various colors (or just some hat that says "New York" in big glittery letters, even if the place in question isn't anywhere New York, unless you're talking in galactic terms), and, to their credit, you're allowed to buy one stick of butter out of the box with pocket change. Anything that was nice that some dogooder tried to build has been mutilated and spraypainted or used as a spot for homeless women to give blowjobs for crack. If you do have to go there, it's probably to buy drugs, which is a bad idea. If that's your thing, whatever, but don't buy drugs from niggers unless you're out of options. They'll say you anything they can fit into a plastic bag and sit there and tell you "oh, you ain't had dis shit man" and it turns out to be the worst garbage scwag weed you've ever seen in your life, or some disgusting cocaine that's been stepped on twenty times. Don't ever give them money before you get what you wanted; just roll your money up and smoke that. Or go home and huff spray paint or wood glue or something.
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- Shout "FUCK DA POLICE!!!" in public. Bonus points if there are actual cops nearby for the inevitable police brutality and therefore being popular on SJW websites.
- Say:"Fuck marriage counseling" (be a winner)
- Say:" Fuck family counseling"
- Be paranoid about everything (everyone is up to get you !) srsly.
- Always play the victim ( Remember: you're a harmless little ape )
- Be broke (have about 3000 child supports)but pretend to other people that you're ok
- Get angry at Debt Collectors
- Be a coward ( go after old or handicap people and shit)
- Develop a Strong Sick Sense of Entitlement ( YOU YOU and YOU)
- Avoid Personal Responsibility( a must)
- Play Dumb ^
- Make other people tolerate your bad behavior(if not just say: That's racist )
- Be clueless
- Develop an Inferiority Complex (look angry)
- Manipulate the system (always)
- Make excuses and blame everybody for your miserable life (always)
- Be totally in denial
- Lie about how big your dick is all the time, and about how many white women you fucked while their husbands were away at work. This way, you feel wanted by someone other than law enforcement.
- Be sure to embody every stereotype in existence, then bitch about being stereotyped. This will make a bunch of liberal what hipster fucktards feel real sorry for you, and go out of their way to explain how they're not racist in a condescending way while drunk, even though they're completely intimidated by you and threatened by your presence. They'll be all buddy-buddy with you, although they'd never trust you in a second to do more than clean their toilet.
- Spay-ell dem wudz incorrectly every time. Not artistically or creatively, like Dr. Seuss or someone (which would be the nigger's equivalent of reading Don Quixote), but just to show that u ass got dat swag and all dat shit, #somethindontnobodygivetwofucksabout. Don't forget to lament the fact that everybody treats you like you're stupid and how that's racist.
- Bounce as much as you can, bobble your head up & down and back & forth, and hold your crotch when you walk. Don't forget to lick your lips as much as possible.
- Wear the largest clothes you can find. Wear your cap backwards or sideways. Wear a bandana underneath the cap if possible.
- Screw as many fat negro sows as you can, this way your illegitimate children help the mothers bleed the government dry, and you can lie to yourself about what a "playa you is".
- When you get pulled over and arrested for the trunkful of weed in your Sedan deVille, yell racism and racial profiling (even if the cop is black, he's an oreo). Make sure the Nation of Islam and the NAACP hear about your case. Don't forget the ACLU.
- It doesn't matter how shitty your car is, put the biggest diameter rims on you can find, and the most expensive stereo system. Ride around in white neighborhoods at night and play rap music as loud as you can. We love the rattling trunk, we really, really do.
- Talk as loud as you can whenever you can. Especially in libraries or theaters. Black women, this is a perfect time for you to chimp out on your "boo". Remember, white folks invented home video just because of you.
- When begging for money, act offended at white folks who only give you a dime or a "solid quattah" instead of a five dollar bill. This is a reasonable means to attack or mug them. When you get caught, state your reason as "dey wuz white." The media and the ACLU will come to your rescue, so don't sweat it.
- Always whine about how the white man is keeping you down, and how you are owed slave reparations. Even though you've never been a slave and could never survive it because you're a retard.
- Wear a lot of fake gold around your neck and fingers. Go to the dentist and get those rotten teeth replaced with gold implants. Go ahead, you know you're going to stiff the dentist. If he keeps harrassing you about the bill, call the NAACP.
- Say stupid things like "YEEAAAAAAHHHHHH, BOOOOOOYYYYYYYYY!!!!" or "BEEEEYYYYOOOOOOTTCHHH!!!!!" Use ebonics so you don't have to sound intelligent like white folks.
- Call the founding fathers racist slave owners so that public schools with names like "George Washington High" or "Thomas Jefferson High" are changed. Don't stop whining until every public school in America is named the following: "Malcolm X High", "Rosa Parks Middle School", "Rodney King Elementary" and so on.
- Spread sexually transmitted diseases (to white girls if possible) and obsessively use drugs.
- Use "muthafucka" a lot when speaking, end everything with "knowwhumsain?". In certain instances, you may end sentences with "...n' shit". Knowwhumsain?
- Negroes are very sexual (not in a good way). Fuck anyone or anything... men, women, children, dogs... if it has at least one hole, anything goes. Anything to get your freak on.
- When your girlfriend turns you in for roasting her 2 year old son in the oven, tell the police the truth... he broke your Playstation 2. Don't worry, it should work... you're black, after all.
- Black women do not need babysitters. Tuck your eight children into bed, go out to the clubs and get drunk and "freaked" by five or six negroes. When you return home at 8:45AM, you'll find that someone ratted you out to Child Protective Services. Blame it on your skin and say, "dey tryin' to take my kids cuz I black, dawg!!"
- To the negro, raping a white woman is the same as if she asked him to fuck her. Go tell your friends what a "playa you is".
- Most negroes should die violently by age 30 if they wish to have a legacy. Black women will grow old and teach their niglets lies about white people so they can carry on their practice of whining and recieving handouts, and so they can justify black-on-white crime.
- Black mothers, you will undoubtedly lose a son or two (or all eight), as a result of being gunned down by a police officer during a struggle over the officer's gun. Chimp out in front of the cameras, lie about how your "baby" was a hardworking, loving, caring son... even though his rap sheet was long enough to wallpaper the complete interior of your project dwelling, and no matter how many times he beat even your ass on certain occasions.
- When two negroes are ready to fight each other, they should circle each other for approximately half an hour and tell each other how they are going to hurt each other. "We gonna strap, dawg!" or "do sumfin', muhfugga!"
- Speaking of fights, never attack a white person in packs of less than five. Even women, since you'll need at least one nigger to hold each limb while one is raping her.
- Always struggle with the police during your arrest. This way you'll get your 15 minutes of fame on COPS or AMERICA's MOST WANTED.
- The more a woman weighs, the sexier she is, black or white. 300lbs+ is what you should be looking for.
- Use an excessive amount of cologne or perfume to hide your foul odor. Though the cologne stinks, it is an improvement over your funk.
- When failing an IQ test for a promotion or a job application, sue the employer. They will cave in because you're black, and from pressure from the NAACP.
- Yell "Gibbe summa dat" and walk around with your hand out, palm up
- Incidentally, when failing any military IQ test and you are put on the front lines in war, claim that the white men want to kill you because you're black.
- As witnessed in New Orleans, negroes...um...Niggers should ignore warnings to evacuate cities due to incoming natural disasters. When stranded, blame the president and white rescue teams for being racist and abandoning them, even though they were warned they could be on their own for an unknown period of time. Negroes should always wait for the government to do everything for them.
- Negresses should kill their children, then blame the govenment for failing them and all blacks by not giving them enough welfare funds to properly care for the children. Lie about a medical condition, if possible.
- For teenage negresses who are afraid of telling their mothers they are pregnant (some are actually too stupid to tell or in denial), have the child and then abandon it in a trash dumpster, or sell him for a bag of crack cocaine.
- Niggers should covet the thug lifestyle. Act, look, and talk like a thug. When the police begin profiling the thug nigger, it should cry racism and police brutality.
- When niggers are arrested for assaulting or murdering someone, they should always lie and say, "he call me a nigger".
As you can see, being a Nigger is hard work. How do those monkeys even manage?
Things Niggers Hate
Other than the usual fried chicken, welfare checks, shiny rims and gold 'n bling, there are plenty of things that the general nigger hates. Such examples include:
- Nerds/Asians (niggers are severely allergic to IQ)
- Faggots (cleans too much)
- Personal Responsibility in HD (they REALLY HATE this shit)
- Any Physical Labour not related to cheap and mind-numbing Athletics e.g. Basketball
- Compassion for people (unless you're paying for their dinner)
- A clean house
- Holding jobs
- DA POOLEESE!
- Acting like civilized human beings
- Classical music
- FOX News
- Sexual abstinence
- Wearing condoms
- Paying child support
- Paying anything
- Personal hygiene
- Not blaming whitey for everything wrong in their lives
Frequently Asked Questions About Black Folks
Humans are genuinely curious about their close relatives the Niggas (but not that close, Nigga—keep your fucking distance!). Nigga and related terms consistently rank among the most frequently searched topics on Google, Ax.com and other search engines. Many universities have entire departments devoted to the study of Niggers and their ways, typically staffed with Niggas and a few white keepers/overseers.
- Smile and be Happy (they hate fucking happiness and shit)--->
- Hide all the phones
- If you happen to live next to niggers (which means ur poor as fuck) make sure to keep your shit clean and put the american flag outside ,. ( they will hate you )
- Just say "sorry, I am not into VIOLENCE" (they will hate you 100%)--->
- Just go to them and say "excuse me sir..Do you have the money?( they're fucking poor with an attitude)
- Just say the word Nigga in public, in your everyday discussions. Srsly. It works.
- In the style of Mark Twain, use antiquated terms that sound like the word but have completely different meanings. Things such as niggardly (cheap) snigger (to laugh at someone's misfortune) niggling (annoying somebody) Jiggers (sand fleas) Chiggers (a certain type of mite of the family Trombiculidae) naggers (people who annoy you) swiggers (binge drinking) tigger (some faggot on winnie the Pooh) trigger, digger, bigger and the like. Use them in completely normal, deadpan conversations, therefore niggling the nigger and triggering a Nigger Moment while everybody sniggers at the nigger's niggardly retardation.
- Inform them that not Whites or Arabs enslaved Blacks, but sub-Saharan Africans enslaved other sub-Saharan Africans and then sold them to Europeans and/or Arabs.
- Tell them that former Slaves from the USA who were deported to Liberia enslaved the indigenous black Bush people.
- Inform them that the Ancient Egyptians, Sumerians and Phoenicians were Middle Easterners and not Blacks
- Denied their slavery years (never happen)
- Act "gangsta" around them. Use their slang, wear their clothes and address them with "brother".
- Say something, anything, against a black rights activist or a famous black person (niggers don't know the difference between the two things, anyway).
- Remind them that they are all welfare queens.
- Remind them that they all used to be slaves.
- Ask them whether their master allowed them to talk to a white person.
- Kindly remind them that you're not cotton.
- Ask why you're not allowed to say "nigga". Repeatedly.
- Offer them fried chicken.
- Call the police. The nigger will act like he just raped a white, latin or asian girl, whether he did it recently or not.
- Hand the nigger a piece of soap. Tell him he looks like he needs it.
- Ask a nigger how to rap.
- Ask if it plays basketball.
- Talk like an intelligent person. Niggers hate intelligent persons, for obvious reasons.
- "Trayvon Martin deserved it."
- Inform them that "George Zimmerman" is of multiracial heritage and not white.
- Show them this and that
- Wear jet black glasses and walk with a cane through any up and coming black neighborhood at night while shouting: "MASSA?! Where is you?!" Bonus points if you can pull off acting deaf and wear a hoodie simultaneously.
- Inform them that Uganda has a higher standard of living and knows NOT to eat da poo poo.
- Run after them with a noose and a burning lighter. Niggers are like cavemen, they are deathly afraid of fires that they didn't cause.
- Ask them if they know the difference between Dr. Seuss and Dr. Dre.
- Walk up with a calculator and ask if they have a problem. Even if they (inevitably) don't get this one, it results in a guaranteed chimpout.
- Ask them if they knew that James Earl Ray was actually Ray Charles.
- Tell them the following phrase: "In all sincerity, you blacks stole from Vanilla Ice. That man invented rap while you were banging spoons on Home Depot buckets for pocket change... nigger."
- Ask them if the Crips are physically, or just mentally handicapped.
- Ask them if they ever saw the movie Jaws, and if it scared them. If they say "No, it didn't", inform them that since they are black, water scares them more than sharks.
Examples of people attempting to troll niggers by simply saying the N-word include, , and (most notable for exposing how niggers cannot tell the phonetic difference between nigger and nickel). But always remember, every nigger has a gun! A bullet proof vest is mandatory when trolling them. Alternatively, just hold a melon hostage. And call the cops! Cops love nothing more than to catch a nigger with his pants down.
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Visual Guide to Niggers
|Ooo Lawdy, I gots me uh Galleree||About missing Pics|
- Ebola virus
- Poor people
- Al Sharpton
- Barack Hussein Obama
- Black chicks
- Black People Love Us!
- Bomani Armah
- Chocolate rain
- Fried Chicken
- Happy Negro
- Herman Cain
- Jay Bundy
- Jena Six
- Kwanzaa – Nigger Christmas.
- Mark Essex – Honky Pig Killer
- Mediatakeout – A blog made for niggers.
- Nigga Know Technology – niggas also know how to write boring blogs.
- Nigger Manual – A comprehensive guide to taming your very own nigger.
- Nigger pig
- NO NIGGERS
- P.A. Palace
- Child abuser
- Sheeeit Nigger
- Sittin On Tha Toilet – A meme brilliantly illustrating what black people do after gobbling up some delicious chikinz and watermelonz.
- The Great Black Dick Hoax – Niggers are programmed to spread this hoax.
- There are no niggers on the Internet
- Travis the Killer Chimp
- Wrong Location Nigger
- Black Supremacy
- Scrub Me Mama With A Boogie Beat
- Trayvon Martin
- Double Nigger
- Ice niggers AKA White people esp. Canadians and Northern Europeans
- Sand niggers AKA esp. Arabs, but also Muslims and Middle Easterners (Turks, Kurds Iranians), Central Asians (Turkmens, Uzbeks,Tadjiks) and North Africans (Berbers,Tuareg)
- Rice niggers AKA Azns especially Chinks
- NEE-groes, AKA Latinos esp. Ricans
- Potato niggers AKA Irish
- Porridge niggers AKA Scots
- Tea niggers AKA Brits
- Sheep-fucking niggers AKA Welshies
- Hitler niggers AKA GERM-ans
- Gold niggers AKA Jews
- Communiggers AKA Russians
- Pasta niggers AKA Eye-talians
- Tuica niggers AKA Romani people
- Timber niggers AKA Injuns
- Curry niggers AKA Indians
- Sea niggers AKA Aboriginals
- Surrender niggers AKA French
- Asian niggers AKA Fake Southeastern Asians
- Kiwi niggers AKA Kiwis
- Typical entertainment in Da Hood
- How to be a nigger
- Omar's African Adventure - A Niggerian 419 scammer gets 0wned
- Chimpmania - Chronicling the Over-Glorified Apes in the Wild
- Scientist claims black people are less intelligent than white people -You don't really need a scientist to prove this. The evidence is all around you.
- Niglet breeding school
- - News From Da Hood
- Learn ta rap like a nizzle n' search fo' tha hizzle
- Cultural Enrichment Compilation
- Stuff Black People Don't Like: Urine detection system on buses ningnogs are pissed about not being able to piss in their seats.
- - Talk to a real crack-dealing Detroit nigger}}
- Nigger Forum – Heavily active forum exclusively for niggers and nigger-lovers; troll for the lulz (especially that uppity Doby nigger)
- Nigger music
is part of a series on Race
|Featured article April 20, 2011|
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|Featured article November 27 & 28 2014|
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