Night Auditor

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How to be a cool Night Auditor.
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A Night Auditor is almost the same as a Front Desk Agent, they stand at the front desk of a hotel and give guests the key to their room. But a night auditor's shift begins late at night and ends earlier in the morning, just before sunrise. If someone's flight is delayed and they have to check in at 2am or some ungodly hour, the creep at the front desk is the hotel's night auditor. Their grooming and bathing habits leave much to be desired, as do their social skills. For this reason, management is more than happen to have them work at a time where they will interact with a minimal number of guests as possible and the breakfast lady, but she doesn't speak English anyways.

Mistaking a night auditor for a basement dweller is easy because they are both online all the freaking time, literally 16 hours a day or more. And for this reason, night auditor is the preferred occupation for introverts everywhere, unfortunate individuals who were forced to move out of the house and get a job at the age of 39 because their parents are insensitive and suck. Eventually the idea of holding a job becomes tolerable as long as it doesn't interfere with one's crippling internet addiction.

Not all is lost, the run down apartment in some ghetto neighborhood is much like the bedroom at parents' house. Everywhere there is dirty laundry, garbage hasn't been taken out in forever, the dishes in the sink definitely haven't been washed, and aluminum foil covers the windows, keeping out the harmful sun. It like just like the bedroom, except a lot bigger, and at least mom and dad can't call him lazy anymore.

The night auditor's routine is similar to that at the apartment. Most the day will be spent doing something like being on Facebook all night, posting on a forum or maintaining a multitude of World of Warcraft toons. Whatever the online obsession, a night auditor knows where all cameras are located and what exactly they can see, ensuring that management never gets suspicious as to what exactly a night auditor is doing online. Many auditors have font memories of a time when Adult Swim wasn't crap, a warm feeling could be felt from within when Toonami was resurrected, and tears were shed when Adult Swim lost the rights to air Inuyasha after many years.

Due to their secluded nature, night auditors tend to be hostile towards their own kind, selfish individuals who encroach on the night auditor's domain by occupying the guest computer in the lobby for hours at a time. An auditor may attempt to discourage this menace by changing the channel to The Weather Channel or Fox News. When that doesn't work, they can disconnect the wifi and steal the Ethernet cord from the front desk computer for themselves. There are many other things that night auditors dislike, but perhaps staff meetings are at the top of the list, ones that force auditors to wake up from their slumber and expose themselves to sunlight. Veteran night auditors are masters of brown nosing management so they can be excused from these meetings.

Despite managers telling them not to do it, all night auditors will inevitably try out sofas in the lobby, experimenting with different sitting and laying positions while snuggling up to their mobile device. Once management gives up, the night auditor will then figure out how to sleep on the couch without getting caught, developing a keep sense of hearing for when anyone approaches.

Work would be perfect if the quiet wasn't interrupted by calls from angry guests, most probably something to do with the room next to theirs. It might be a loud television, an alarm clock that wasn't turned off, a domestic dispute, the drunk homeless guy outside or a bunch of teenagers who are still partying early in the morning. At least with parties, the night auditor can sneak into the laundry room the next day and search for any unopened beers and other valuables the housekeepers found.

Towards the end of the shift is the inevitable lulz interruption, the dreaded night audit where the hotel's books for the day must be closed. How long this takes depends on if the people working the morning and evening shifts are retards and if the hotel's systems date back to MS DOS. When everyone doesn't screw shit up, night audit is a breeze. Otherwise, reviewing a couple hundred guest folios, registration cards and credit card transitions will be tedious and will take at least a couple hours. At this point, the only thing that can make the morning even more interesting, is if the breakfast lady doesn't show up. If management could someone who speaks English, at least they could call, but no. The night auditor is now getting much needed exercise as they prepare breakfast, finish the night audit and check out guest who are pissed because breakfast isn't ready.

YouTube

Night Audit
Night Auditor's duties - working throughout the night
Hotel Night Auditor
Holiday Inn Express Night Audit
This video is as exciting as the job

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