Last Thursday, Nintendo shat out an unveiling video that didn't really show anything about the console per se, but rather a desperate attempt to grab the attention of hipster faggots, feminist dykes, neutered parents and Nintendrones. Anyone is guaranteed to look like an insufferable dumbass holding one in their hands.
- 6.2-inch LCD touchscreen (1280 x 720)
- Maximum resolution of 1080p 60fps when plugged into a TV
- Nvidia "customised" Tegra processor
- 32GB storage. So enjoy buying a microSD card for more storage.
- 802.11ac Wi-Fi
- Ethernet internet through optional adapter
- Bluetooth 4.1 (on tablet)
- Bluetooth 3.0 (in Joy-Cons)
- NFC (in right Joy-Con for Amiibo support)
- Stereo speakers (on tablet)
- PCM 5.1 channel audio in TV mode
- HDMI output (on dock)
- USB Type-C port (on tablet)
- 3x USB 2.0 ports (on dock): USB 3.0 support to be added at future date
- Headphone/mic port (on tablet)
- MicroSD card slot (on tablet; plus microSDHC/microSDXC support)
- Game cartridge slot (on tablet)
- 4,310mAh battery (on tablet; up to six hours of play on one charge)
- 525mAh batteries (in Joy-Cons; up to twenty hours play time)
- No mic or ability to chat online. So you on your phone to talk to other people.
Seal of quality
Now to put the cherry on this sundae is that this console suffered from a disastrous launch that would make the PS4 and Xbox One blush. Oh, but don't worry. Nintendo will patch everything later and will make everything good again. After all, it's okay if Nintendo does it. However, this doesn't change the fact that the Switch is underpowered, as usual.
The price for the Switch costs around 300 USD as of March 2017. If factored in the hidden costs of buying accessories and the like, you will most likely shell out at least twice the Switch's initial price to get the full experience out of this console.
Unfortunately, this shoddy "modernization" of Nintendo's image doesn't seem to budge their rabid fanbase one bit. They will spend their hardly earned income for this piece of underpowered crap without a single thought. This means that Nintendo will continue to make dubious decisions throughout the Switch's life cycle.
Here's a small list of what games you can buy for the Nintendo Switch:
- 1-2-Switch: The Switch's own Wii Sports that's not bundled with the console, unlike its predecessor
- ARMS: Shitty Punch-Out!! clone with amputees
- The Binding of Isaac: Afterbirth+: A Christian roguelike game
- I Am Setsuna: A Chrono Trigger ripoff
- Lego Worlds: A far superior version of Minecraft. You can also buy it for the PS4, Xbox One and PC.
- TLoZ: Breath of the Wild: TEH BEST GAEM EVAR!!! Also includes a Day One DLC expansion pass and an .
- Skyrim: Seriously, it's a game released back in 2011. Just buy the PC version on Steam instead.
- Sonic Mania: A game that you can also buy on the PS4, Xbox One and PC as well
- Splatoon 2: More loli and shota trash
- Super Bomberman R: "Whoa! He's big! What!?"
- Super Mario Odyssey: A Sonic Adventure ripoff featuring the Italian plumber instead
Also, as an added incentive for paying for online monthly, you get to keep one NES or SNES game (of Nintendo's choosing) per month. Once that month has passed, however, the game is gone and you have to buy it again at full price.
Nintendards created an unofficial mascot for the console (as previously stated), a short anthropomorphic puppy. Sick fucks from tumblr and 4chan immediately made hundreds of pictures of porn on this shit, draining the low quality semen of thousands of pathetic mentally ill nerds and shocked dozens of NSA agents spying on them.
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