OSx86

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Mac OSX86 is the newest Lulz from of Steve Jobs for cheapos who can't afford a real mac.

History

Realising that the Colonial Computer OS wars was finally coming to a close in the late 1990s with the clear winner, the Republic of Linux led by fearless leader Debian, Steve Jobs decided to distract Bill Gates from stealing the IPOD by pretending to be working on a platform for virtual pr0n.

The Stage

Having buckets loads of cash to put into R&D or let the TAX man get it, Jobs decided to take a proverbial piss down Bill Gates’s leg. Knowing that creative people such as designer, artists and managers use Mac’s while data entry type people used Windows he had Apple slowly keep it desktop market running. With that knowledge and a market place that was starting to only pay for content (see Mobile Phone), this left no profit from hardware and underlying software.

Gates not realising that the future of profits from OS would soon dry up continued to blackmail chipset providers by only offering Microsoft support (or in Linux terms ‘your chipset will be incompatible with Windows’) if they offered drivers for any other software platforms.

The Attack

At the Worldwide Developers Conference in June 2005 the i86 attack was launched. The ‘i’ (or finger as it become known) attack pathway was initially cleared with the iPOD soon followed with iSoftware which left everybody under 25 with the simple fact that if it doesn’t have an ‘i’, in front it’s generic.

The second stage was then to release the i86 computer code named ‘Mini Mac’. On February 14, 2006 the first Generic version was leaked onto the internets using the ‘it’s like tubes’ protocol. Within a couple of years of the initial release i86OSX ( 5i + 360 degree + Stealth Kiss), it was supplied with drivers for all computer hardware and was given away in cereal boxes and used to load AOL software on i86 hardware.

The Aftermath

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