One fateful night during a repeat of The OC, a vapid, ill-fated 16 year old girl was furiously masturbating with that week's issue of People magazine shoved up her yeast-infected snatch. (Remember to wash those dirty fingernails, ladies!) Immediately as she queefed onto her living room carpet, a hideous creature was spawned from the juices... OH NO THEY DIDNT!
In their neverending quest to both ignore the fact that they have no lives outside of growing their embarrassing friends list, as well as pretending they know people who are famous, the fugly and morbidly obese 16 year old girls who populate this community usually involve themselves in somber discussions and the dissection of some of the greatest mysteries of our time, such as the pregnancy of Brotney Spears, the fluctuating weight of Lindsay Lohan and Nicole Ritchie, and the on-going adventures of Paris Hilton's cooch.
The members of this community pride themselves in being "snarky" and "brutal". A typical post of the day is an ordinary paparazzi shot of Brotney Spears and her ugly husband, merely walking down the street. This provokes dozens of pages of comments with such brilliant and witty banter as "ew", "omg ew", "sHe iz soooo faTt!!!" and "sHe iz sooooo tRasHy!!!!". HAHAHAHHA! Take that, Brotney! That'll show her!
The community is moderated by a couple of tragic emo queens and some random MySpace whores who delude themselves into thinking that their lives have meaning by posting long-winded entries about themselves. If you want to avoid being banned, simply scream "OMG I WANT 2 HAVE U R BABIES MODS", compose lengthy comments on how they are "teh best EVAR" and get ready to growl down on dirty scenester snatch/mangina. Wanting to suck Lady Gaga's cock is also a plus.
She totally has one.
In order to fit in to this community, you MUST have a blurry camwhore icon of your naked, nubile underage body, so people can pretend they know you. Scratch that, 90% of the community's members are now too ugly to have their picture taken, the new in vogue thing is to have a sarcastic icon like an out of frame sceenshot with a lulzy caption or an animated GIF. Some of the most brave ones use conservative Party Hard icons.
Also, do join their many retarded off-topic communities, now with more pr0n! And make sure you look and act as feminine and girly as possible! This particular community detests bulldykes or any member of the female gender who does not wear makeup, has terrible skin, or who is even slightly under- or overweight. Didn't you realize? Women are utterly worthless if they don't dress up and look attractive for men 24/7.
BREAKING NEWS OMG
ONTD IN THE MEDIA
Oh No They Didn't! has been name dropped, shout outed, and blacklisted at least 100 times by many prominent historical figures, for example Oprah Winfrey in her magazine O. Most recently, they pwned Rich Cronin of 90's pop sensation LFO.
In the Playboy March '09 music issue in which Lily Allen appeared she was asked Q: You have become a public figure outside of music, too. Do you ever check celebrity gossip sites? To which she answered A: I check one site called OhNoTheyDidnt. It's on livejournal, and people just upload stuff themselves. It's not like Perez Hilton, it's his views on things. I don't care what he has to say. I just like looking at pictures and drawing my own conclusions. This site doesn't have an opinion on things. Members of ONTD were very heartbroken about the last bit but mostly very excited.
ONTD SELLS OUT
On April 2, 2010, ONTD's massive cock was too much for LJ to take, resulting in ads being placed all over the site to accommodate. Many a butthurt was had, and all the cries of the little people went unheeded (unless replied to sarcastically by the holier-than-thou mods).
A Wikipedia page (Who'd thought they'd even have one?) was decidedly taken down after the ONTD members trolled all over it for the umpteenth time, having first been locked because the residential members of Wikipedia were maddened by the irresponsible shit posted on the site.
Reason for deletion: "nonnotable" AKA bitches don't deserve the fucking page
Score: Wikipedia- 1; ONTD- (in their minds: 6 billion) zero.
Date: Between 26-27th August 2010
AND THEN THINGS GOT WORSE
As the site's popularity grew, so did the population of resident of trolls and spambots. To combat this, new membership was regulated with so many requirements and documentation it would make the glorious United Sovereign State of Arstozka raise an eyebrow.
However, after the constant cries of "bawwww my friends can't get in," and "Really? All this shit just to make fun of celebrities over the internet?" made the mods want to blow their ~sassy, glitter-encrusted brains out, open membership was re-opened for a short time. This made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move; as with it came an influx of not trolls and bots (though of those there were plenty), but thin-skinned social justice fucktards with a chip on every one of their goddamn shoulders. What started out as a shit-tier online version of a middle school girls' bathroom became tumblr-lite.
- Someone says something negative about a black person (that has nothing to do about their race whatsoever)? Racist!
- Someone says something negative about a celebrity that happens to be gay (while making no mention of that)? Homophobe!
- Someone says something negative about a woman (that in no way holds relevance to their gender)? DIE SEXIST PIG UGH SO GROSS
ONTD House Rules
- No spam
- No personal attacks
- No hotlinking
Post celebrity-relevant shit
- Hate men
- Hate heterosexuals
- Hate white folk
- Hate religion (except Judaism, Islam, Hinduism, and bullshit eighth-grader Paganism otherwise it's racist)
- Take offense at absolutely everything
- Demonstrate typical liberal all-encompassing "acceptance" by cursing and/or wishing death upon anyone who disagrees/even slightly differs with your views.
- Check your goddamn privilege
- Mention you are any of the following:
- Conversely, make a blatant racist/homophobic/sexist comment, then defend yourself by claiming you're a member of said oppressed group. ("GODDAMN THEM DIRTY SPICS AMIRITE jk guise it's cool I'm brown")
- Call someone fat. Anyone. A celebrity, a member, just get that fire going and go grab the popcorn.
- Profess your love of Chris Brown (and how he's just misunderstood bawww)
- Pick any random word/phrase as your trigger and call someone out on it.
- Mis-quote Mean Girls
- Ask how many of them are white/straight
- Mention how awesome 4chan is
- Gush about the brilliance of Woody Allen and/or Roman Polanski
- Make fun of any recently-deceased celebrity
- Accuse them of misandry/reverse racism
- Post the official definition of racism whenever 90% of comments in any given post are overwhelmingly anti-white and watch these vapid sluts vehemently try to deny the possibility of racism against them evil white folk despite the fact that the motherfucking dictionary defines it as
"rac·ism noun \ˈrā-ˌsi-zəm also -ˌshi-\ poor treatment of or violence against people because of their race""
- Like Lady Gaga
- Hate Lady Gaga
- Call Tyler Perry and whatever piece of shit movie he's put out this month modern minstrelsy.
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