Online roleplaying is an activity invented by a mixture of basement-dwellers whose skin has fused with their desk chairs and rendered them incapable of going outside to LARP and furries who can’t afford fursuits. Roleplay sites are different than most profoundly retarded Internet collectives in the fact that every single roleplayer is a woman. Every roleplayer that claims to be male is a particularly homely girl pretending to have a dick for attention or a bulldyke manly enough to pass off as a dude. Strangely enough, these fake men are always inflicted with the male form of "girl on the Internet syndrome", parading their imaginary cocks around and incessantly mentioning their fabricated, penis-induced sex lives. This, combined with the gargantuan amounts of weaboos, furries, basement-dwellers, self-important nobodies, teen girls, shitty artists and sexual deviants within the roleplaying community makes it one of the most terrifying and mind-scarring subcultures on the Internet.
Most roleplayers claim that they roleplay because it helps them foster their creativity and improve their writing. This is utter bullshit. Based upon the roleplayer demographic alone, it is easy to deduce that roleplayers spend so much time pretending to be something they’re not because they’re trying to escape the horrifying reality of life as a talentless social reject. A good 80% of people who actually roleplay don't even write- they just roleplay. The online friends they make on their communities provide them with the illusion that their lives actually mean something to people other than their parents. Their unique characters allow them to enact fantasies that they would never, ever dream of doing themselves, such as going for a walk outside or asking somebody on a date. Many characters even have sex, which is the closest to real sex that their roleplayers will ever get.
How To Roleplay
- Create a character.
- Post or reply to a thread with said character.
- Wait for somebody to reply to your post.
- Reply to that post.
- Get bored with the thread and abandon it.
- Repeat steps 2-4 until your character dies or you ragequit the site over drama.
In more "advanced" roleplays, most of the plot advancement takes place out-of-character because making six-paragraph posts takes up the massive chunk of time roleplayers carefully reserve for admin-fellatio and furious tentacle porn cliturbation.
- High School/City- This is pretty self-explanatory. In high school/city roleplays, girls with no real friends pretend to be rich and glamorous. Cliques and classes are often the central point of these roleplays so members can choose between having Japanese emo outcast or blonde, popular characters. This is the most likely place to find a mythical male roleplayer, who wants in on some hot, text-based teen action.
- Fantasy - Fantasy sites are unarguably home to the fattest roleplayers. On these roleplays, one can pretend to be a vampire, werewolf, or elf. Those who are especially creative can even play fairies! Some sites have their own fantasy species that are suspiciously similar to existing ones.
- Wolf/Horse - Some people like to pretend to be talking, sometimes magical, wolves/horses. The wolves/horses act exactly like humans, and people tend to roleplay as what they find attractive. You can draw your own conclusions.
- Wrestling - | No srsly Basement dwellers who sit around and write novels about being a professional wrestler and how they will put their opponent on the mat and give them surprise butt sex. Mainly dominated by 15 year old high school losers and old men in their 40's. There is occasionally one whale of a women who every man wants some e-pussy from.
- Steampunk - It's a well-known fact that everybody who's into steampunk fashion is fat and ugly. This translates into steampunk roleplaying flawlessly.
- Fandom - Some people are into their favorite books and movies a bit too much. Popular fandoms are the expectable Harry Potter, Twilight, and Pirates of the Caribbean.
Types of Roleplayers
While roleplayers engage in a wide variety of depraved activities, their personalities can be broken down into a mere four categories. Every roleplayer fits onto one of these categories - NO EXCEPTIONS.
- Wannabe Popular Girl - For whatever reason, this girl sat at the loser table in high school and wants to make up for it by acting like "the popular kid" on whatever site she infects. The wannabe popular girl's speech is peppered with obnoxious, outdated netspeak that only Instagram users still abuse, such as "plz" and "kthnx". Sadly enough, these roleplayers tend to take up positions as admins or mods, most likely to make up for their lack of power irl. Expect the wannabe popular girl to use celebrity play-bys and make rich and beautiful characters. While these sub-humans are mostly found on city and high school RPs, they also populate animal RPs in great numbers.
- Random Girl - This girl is 100% likely to be a weaboo and 80% likely to be a failed artist. She has not yet discovered that "randomness" is one of the most retarded trends to sweep the Internet and probably never will. Expect random girls to proclaim their love for llamas, m00fins, toast, and whatever annoys you the most. They will offer you "cookies" and give you "-huggles- ^^ n.n xD" until you want to slit your wrists in agony. Their characters are usually Japanese homos with dark pasts and butchered, inaccurate versions of schizophrenia or bi-polar disorder.
- Rebel - The rebel doesn’t care what anyone thinks. She is a badass who lives life on edge and breaks the rules of society. Rebels are obsessed with proclaiming how different and unique they are while failing to realize that they are bigger conformists than those who make no effort to deviate from the norm. They are the female version of the neckbeard. Expect rebels to be butchy carpet-munchers and Wiccans. They love to complain about how their parents and the Man don’t get them. Luckily for power-tripping admins, the rebel bows easily when threatened, no matter how much she argues. "Offbeat", evil badasses are the norm for these roleplayers.
- Trailer Trash - It remains a mystery how such trashy girls manage to find their way into the roleplaying world from Facebook and Texts From Last Night, but trailer trash makes up a massive portion of the roleplaying world. Strangely enough, this breed of roleplayer is the most normal, and some of them have even been gifted with crotch droppings. The true reason for roleplaying is the most evident among these twenty-somethings, as their lives are truly shit. These less educated beings often complain about their baby-daddies and how hard it is to work two fast-food jobs. These women have the most blatantly perfect Mary Sues, but nobody points it out because nobody cares about them.
Roleplay sites are packed with lolcows, but because roleplayers have no sense of humor, the sweet, sweet milk is left unharvested. Roleplayers’ "humor" has the flavor of old people, with a bit of memefag and weaboo mixed in for good measure. Many of the "jokes" roleplayfags make amongst each other involve their characters and what they would do in "x" situation. This is dick-suckery disguised as humor. Memes and gifs come to their corner of the Internet late, and once a site gets ahold of a meme, it will rape the defenseless thing with its knotted cock until it vomits shit and shits blood. Many roleplayers throw around sexual innuendo without actually knowing what sex entails. For people who claim to be so good at writing, they can’t grasp the concept of satire and flip shit at any form of light criticism or mean joke.
Admins and Mods
Admins in roleplaying groups are notorious for abusing their power; the biggest thing any of them has ever had control over is the high school Disney club, so this is understandable. Circle-jerks give every admin a cocaine-like high, so dick-sucking sessions are frequent and lengthy. While some site admins wield the mighty banhammer often, most rarely use their banning powers in order to preserve membership numbers. Admin duties include demeaning other members, locking controversial threads, bragging about their writing skills, and violating their own site rules.
Moderators’ duties are limited to licking the pulsating balls of the admins and scolding mundane members. Without moderators, most roleplays would actually run more smoothly, but most admins can’t help but keep a few around for on-demand fellatio.
The Rules of Roleplaying
Every roleplay site has numerous rules that address the pet peeves originating from the last sites they ragequit, but there are a number of laws that are universal from site to site. Here they are:
- No godmoding. Powerplaying is only allowed if you help an admin reach her daily fellatio quota.
- Sweep out-of-character drama under the rug until it involves the entire site and causes the few mature members to quit.
- You're allowed to ignore less popular members, but you must do so politely so that the admins aren't forced to address it.
- The more 5-syllable words you add to your posts, the more rights you will have on the site.
- Quantity > Quality.
- Drizzt Do'Urden is encouraged.
- You are not welcome on the site unless you pepper your posts with song lyrics.
- No minority characters are allowed unless they're at least half-white.
- The amount of warnings that you receive before a ban are based upon the member count the admins are comfortable with.
- The rules below don't apply if you are good at pasting pictures of wolves and hipsters onto colorful backgrounds.
- The admin is allowed to make up rules whenever she damn well pleases.
- If you complain about the roleplay or suggest a change, you are a FUCKING INGRATE who isn't aware of all of the hard work that the staff puts into the site.
- NO UGGO OR OLD CHARACTERS ALLOWED PLZKTHX~
- Unwarranted Self-Importance
- Wild Wolf Society
|Featured article October 14, 2010|
|Online Roleplaying||Succeeded by|
|Featured article December 27, 2010|
|Online Roleplaying||Succeeded by|