The old Overwatch article can be found here: https://web.archive.org/web/20190822195603/https://encyclopediadramatica.rs/Overwatch
Overwatch is a legal parody of Team Fortress 2 made by Blizzard Entertainment. In the year 201X, tired of coming up with new ideas for old ass IPs such as a shit MMORPG and Diablo that don’t involve pandas or cows, Blizzard came up with Overwatch after Michael Chu binged watched Two Best Friends Play Half-Life, Borderlands and ALL of the X-Men movies in release order. Through stacks of mountain dews and tacos, our hero comes up with really original ideas like having a base on the moon, having an UN-sanctioned military force which plays as a combination of a superhero and global police squads NAMED OVERWATCH and jumping through the timeline in small bites to make plotholes seem planned rather than be there out of laziness. Oh and a talking gorilla is the head of the organisation. Someone watched X-Men: First Class and the Avengers.
Metzen and Jeff shouted “Brilliant!” together and quickly bought the rights for everything Overwatch related, as there was no other game in this world call Overwatch other than this one. So good job to the developers for managing to keep at least one thing original. The current price of this game is between $59.99 to $39.99, which is a weekly allowance of an average Generation Z teenager, proving the demographics they are looking for. There's literally no blood in this pussy ass game because it's trying too hard to keep it PG 13 with all the killing that is going on. It also appeals to weeaboos because there are one-dimensional waifus everywhere and two Japanese fags that are brothers or some shit. You're forgiven if you forget about the boring bowman. The other weeb takes over the plot completely because this game's proto-title is called The Shimada Bro: Genjiwatch Files. Either way, they speak badly-accented Engrish and are from Japan. Which proves that this shit game is appealing to weebs and all their faggotry. It made a few hundred million doolas somehow, but sales are going low because of the dreaded Overwatch killers whom disappear after a few months.
And Blizzard are reskinning a glorified mod to sell it as a sequel and trying to get away with it. That for real.
Purpose of the game
You kill people and they die. Probably drinking bleach afterwards to unlock the final achievement in this game.
LOL U EXPECTING PLOT FROM AN ONLINE MUTIPLAYER FPS? Only plot that exists in this game are the tales of bitching about what to nerf, and newbie who can't play for shit defending their nerfs. The other plot is avaliable on rule34's Overwatch SFM section.
But if you really want a snippet you can go watch their unoriginal shorts about undeveloped shit characters with undefined storylines who are literally just racial stereotypes, (THE 'AVALERY 'S HERE!!!!) Did I mention the accent? Any sane human being will mutilate themselves from hearing these fuckers moonspeak in their Engrish, they are all representation of different nationalities by fucking 'Muricans, so you know if you are a Swiss cheese you are bound to be a neutral white flag raising pussy medic and if you are an American, you are a shotgun-tooting black manaic. There is also some gay gorilla from the moon who fucked his master to death or something but you don't need to know about that yet, you might also be wondering what the title signifies. Nothing.
The title is literally the name of their organization which begs the fucking question, who the fuck is on whose team? Apparently some shit source that claims to be canon other than rule34 Overwatch, says that all the heroes are fighting each other because some shit about the black guy and French cunt starting some kind of war because ???? and despite that your so-called good characters is still being alighed on the same team as them because ?????
Fags also claimed that the game isn't canon to the game (lolwut even this magnitude of stupidity is not expected from a game this retarded), so this means that the real official canon is literally rule34 and the game cannot even be trusted to tell it's own generic and done story.
Heroes - How to play
- Tracer - Fucking cunt that is in the cover because of feminist propaganda. The size of her ass has actually been an issue for contention which shows how little fuck you should be giving about this stupid fucking game. Her abilities are teleporting, cunt and being unoriginal as fuck. She is literally a copy and paste of Scout from Team Fortress 2, most 2D personality you will fucking meet, she is fast and ????????. CAVLARY'S HERE then you instant cringe to fucking death from how bad that British accent was. Also the main source of many of the drama related to this game as it will be explained below.
(Humorously, she's able to kick the Scout's ass without using any actual fucking skill)HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS
- McCree - Clint Eastwood rip off. It's a mystery how he is able to survive with a gun as backwards as the revolver but somehow he did because logic is not a statement a sane man would request of a game like Overwatch. He is also popular with noobs, well, all of the characters are popular with noobs but this one stands out by a tiny percentage.
- Soldier: 76 - Call of Duty rip off. Comes in the flavors of Call of Duty and Call of Duty: Ghosts.
- Pharah - Some cunt with explosive from an Islamic country, jihadist rip off. Needless to say it was very racist for the developer not to properly respect these people with their due "Allahu Akbar". She also has no discernible personality other than raining her justice from above which definitely is some kind of vaginal juice spray innuendo.
- Genji - Character used by every weeb. A cyborg ninja, yes, some shit a guy came up with on a whim is used as a probable character in Overwatch. Slices shit and is a ninja. Throws shuriken that somehow does more damage than gun. Shouts weeb speaks. Used as a counter against ultimate noob character, is gay with his brother and really just is the epitome of Overwatch's blandness and random bullshit.
- Sombra - Now weebs and 12 year old xbox live enthusiasts can pretend they're hackers by playing as this mexican bitch for a juan-ce in a lifetime experience.
- Reaper - An accurate depiction of the average African American in the USA.
- Mei - She build the Shit Wall of China with her ice gun and the cuntiest cunt of them all. Overpowered Chinese cunt that somehow wasn't killed at birth (but should be), sometimes moonspeaking.
- Junkrat - Typical Australian man.
- Bastion - How to enjoy this shit game despite being shit at it.
- Hanzo - Chink slitted eye Jap with hitboxes as large as the sun, used by noobs to score noob kills and like all the other characters, don't need fucking skills to play. Press ultimate to win and wait for ultimate bitching from enemy team screaming nerf, you can play this character while closing your fucking eyes. He is in an incestual relationship with a cyborg ninja brother. Discernible character? He is Jap who is honorable and emphasize on every single fucking vowels. In other words. Shit character as usual.
- Widowmaker - French cunt who is too busy trying to empower feminists with her killing her husband bullshit, she doesn't have any discernible character other than describing about how she was scared of fucking spiders which somehow carried into how she said she was brainwashed by Bad Overwatch....???? what? Gave some edgy fucking speech about how satisfying it is to kill people, oh you are so edgy gurl, you feel satisfied from killing people, woe is me, imma terrified. She was rightfully nerfed for being a noob cunt that kills people without aiming.
- Torbjörn - If you are wondering how unoriginal a game was going to get then wonder no fucking more. This is again, a guy with a fucking turret, like we haven't seen that shit before, then he is also Swedish to add in that cliche shit about how Swedish people used to be blacksmiths. A midget with the typical shit Swedish beard (how unoriginal are we going to fucking get) and can build turrets. Original ideas are fucking unoriginal says Overwatch.
- Reinhardt - German oldfag that was lost on the way to retirement home and jumped into an experimental Nazi warmachine, constantly has his barrier field out while all his bitch teammates who can't kill for shit cowers behind him so they can make use of the pussy barrier to get noob kills. He can charge into people.
- Roadhog - It's a fucking miracle he is even moving but the breathing mask probably explains it. He can pull bitches towards him with a chain, also overpowered as fuck and used by noobs, an universal representation of the average gamer.
- D.Va - A Korean professional gamer that turned unto mech rider. Stupid, retarded and completely out of the realm of possiblity you say? Well, Overwatch is here to test your bullshit tolerance, right now you are asking yourself how the flying fuck a no life cunt who lives in her mother's basement managed to grasp the concept of piloting an intricate mecha and is not fat as fuck, Overwatch says thinking is for the weak. Her mecha is shit like all China made product so it explodes instantly after you get hit (not really) then you will have to kill this sneaky cunt twice, which also leads to the question how the fuck can someone who live in their mother's basment have enough combat physique to take even one shot. Well, Overwatch says, fuck you that's why.a pistol that can do more damage than the mech itself. Her ultimate ability is turning your battleground into South Korea after North Korea finish their weapon development. Running away from a nuke is as effective as running away from a nuke so don't even bother avoiding it, just turn on your godmode hack and kill that cunt. She is also overpowered and should rightfully be nerfed but as said, Overwatch is dominated by noobs and children so the cycle continues with noobs using overpowered weapon to kill people.
- Symmetra - Nigga from India who quit her technical support day job for this shit. She can put down turrets and give allies shields. She is the bane of any offense hero trying to push, because her turrets also slow their asses down. Bonus points if you place your teleporter near a ledge, and behold lulz.
- Zenyatta - A robot monker who preaches personal interaction with people by killing people with his metal balls, developers attempt to be culturally integral, fails badly. While he is the most fragile piece of garbage in the game with an average heal, he more than makes up for it by shooting an Orb of Discord at you, which increases the damage an enemy takes. If he's good, he will absolutely assrape your team, or scare you so badly you have to hide behind the wall like a bitch. For his ultimate ability, he drops acid while taking them so he can "experience tranquility".
- Lucio - HUEHUEHUEBRBR A typical Brazilian gangster that killed families and before deciding to join Overwatch to avoid getting arrested. Rides around on gay rollerblades while blasting shit fucking hip-hop. He's the standard healer pick of just about every team because said rap can heal everyone constantly or make them move faster. He can switch between these abilities at will AND can give his teammates shields fairly often, which makes him and anyone he's near incredibly annoying to kill. As if that wasn't enough, he can fart into the microphone on his futuristic boom box and send out a blast of sound that you think might be shockwave but it's actually hip-hop so fucking shit that any faggots whose cells even comes in contact with it automatically repels from it.
- Ana - Older sandnigger (who is that other sandnigger with explosive's bitch mother) terrorist with mediocre heals and low DPS. She doesn't have explosives like her daughter but she does have a sniper that heals her team (how?), because what kind of fucking genius couldn't come up with this kind of idea in real life? Shooting a dart into your team to heal them. Why isn't there a RPG that heals too? HOW ABOUT A FUCKING NUKE THAT HEALS PEOPLE?
- Mercy - German medic - ORIGINAL CHARACTER, DO NOT STEAL. Has a fast heal, but she can only target one person at a time which makes Lucio superior (a man being superior at something than a woman? Go fucking figure). Has a damage boost as well, but if you're using it then you're not healing, so only retards ever switch to it. Her ultimate revives all nearby dead teammates, but the only way to use it is to completely fail at your only job. Duly noted to be actually Swiss but there is no difference because we know Switzerland supported the Nazis. She is a medic, go fucking figure, why don't you just give her a white flag to play off her French descent some more.
Tracer and her 3D rendered arse are the main reasons the clickbait hacks wrote their "articles" about identity politics as Blizzard (who apparently is not knowing a thing about videogames anymore) took decisions about her and her character that polarized the gamer community, demonstrating once more that Gaben was a fucking genius by not including female playable characters on the superior version of Overwatch, (and also free to play) Team Fortress 2.
Tracer Controversy #1: The Stupid Pose
Look at that sexist pile of shit. She has an ass for fuck's sake. Anyone who doesn't notice how sexist it is for a woman to have an ass should be shot, I mean, unless she has a fat feminist unfuckable ass or a flat and nonexistent one, it shouldn't be there. One more thing about this pose that is just degrading for woman is probably that she isn't holding a sandwich maker nor is she in the kitchen.
And another reasonable request. petition to remove all guns from the game .
This was a well placed campaign, although it would have been much more better if they removed the whole game.
So Blizzard somehow grew balls and glands and got a new pose that is literally based on a pin up.
Cuny McCunts were obviously pissed that everything in the world somehow weren't going their way but reality is sometimes just reality.
Anyways, with this controversy solved, it's only a matter of time before SJWs and Feminists manufacture another outrage in order to manipulate a company to do their biddings, despite never actually spending a single dollar on anything they've produced.
Please nerf the ass
Tracer Controversy #2: Tracer is a rug muncher
—Blizzard, Shooting their own leg
Just when the idiots of Gamergate were celebrating that Blizzard trolled the SJW with the ridiculous pose, Last Thursday they released a Christmas comic in which they show that British hot tight pants is fond of chowing boxes, as if her bulldyke haircut wasn't enough of a giveaway.
Apparently Tracer is the first (there will be more) LGBTBBQWTF+ character of the franchise, as she has a relationship with a ginger called Emily, eerily looking too similar to another soulless lesbian ginger.
The reactions to this addition to the Overwatch in-game canon can vary from the likes of "Meh, I'm not going to pay 40 bucks for this tumblr ripoff shit", to "You bastards, Tracer is my waifu, Why did you this to me?". Still and, again, the ones with the most embarrassing reactions were the lab monkeys writing for SJW clickbait pages who reached orgasm with screams of "muh Diversity", "muh Inclusiveness" and "muh Representation" because of a fictional character enjoying and drinking vaginal fluids.
This Blizzard attempt to cater to more mature audiences with this cheap marketing stunt will backfire as in the first place, more 3D porn of Tracer fucking the rest of the female characters with a strap-on will be made, second, the hardcore gamers will not be playing it as they don't want queer representation while they are killing the shit of their fellow gamers and finally, the game only will be played by the obsessed tumblristas with queer pronouns, creating around the game a fandom more retarded than the fandom of Steven Universe. As if the Fembusters debacle wasn't enough, Blizzard apparently must learn from experience that you never cater to the qualms of SJW as they are bad and disloyal customers who are more interested on virtue signaling than buying your overpriced shit.
Other Less Important Rule 34 Characters
Overwatch - RIP Butt
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