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From Encyclopedia Dramatica
PRISM is a secretive elements in the
US and Israeli governments US government because they don't trust Israelto spy on terrorists, alleged terrorists, the families of alleged terrorists, and anyone who says mean things on the internet. This ongoing series of leaks has caused Americans to experience massive amounts of butthurt because instead of targeting only certain people, the NSA basically slurps up the entire Internet, and stores the data in numerous locations where dubious individuals look over your n00dz and sex chats, to ensure that your penis is not planning to destroy our freedoms. Unless of course, your planned ride in the dongcopter fulfils essential objectives to their plans. So pretty much PRISM enables the existence of another TSA-styled agency that gets paid at least five times as much per employee, unless the job is outsourced to friends like Great Britain or Israel. In short, the PRISM scandal is just a follow-up to the Patriot Act, so there really isn't an excuse for anyone not seeing this coming.
History of PRISM and the American Police State
PRISM was first created by George W. Bush back in 2007 in order to keep America safe from terrorism caused by American foreign policy, but conveniently ignores threats that will grant the police state more powers. Not to mention any terrorist attacks used as political ploys by the shadow government and friends will be conveniently ignored. So this system is not really designed to keep anyone safe, but designed to fuck you over if you question anything, ever. Welcome to 1984! Enjoy your Thought Police watching you masturbate to baby-fur porn. Do it while it is still legal!
Given PRISM officially started in 2007, that means PRISM's creeping into enforcement agencies that don't have anything to do with terrorism can be directly attributed to Emperor Obama and "The Moses of our time," Eric "Fast and Furious" Holder. Despite Bush creating this program, the overwhelming majority of violations of the Constitution occurred during Obama's administration. Despite that this observation is clearly empirical, Democrats and other Stockhold-syndromed Liberals will keep blaming Bush for Obama's many failures and gross incompetence.
The following companies and nations deny any involvement, but have been brutally exposed as liars:
- Jewgle who believe that Gmail users should "have no legitimate expectation of privacy". Julian Assange has suspected for a while (according to himself) that Google was a pawn for the United States government.
- Micro$oft & Skype who have had to back-peddle from claims they weren't spying on their customers. Germany warns that Windows 8 has serious backdoor security risks
- Twitter, but they didn't follow the same procedures other companies do to make it easier for the NSA to do their job. Twitter's resistance to NSA surveillance has only made the US and other governments want to acquire more information about Twitter users
The following countries also wanted to play as seen here
- Austria, Australia, Britain, Canada, France, Germany (but only their secret police were participants), Portugal, Spain, New Zealand
Who benefits from this?
One would think that the United States government benefits from this spying program, but that was only when it was a secret. Now since everyone and their grandmother knows about it, it only hurts the United States image and credibility. This should have been pretty obvious to anyone who had authority to know this program existed, but against their better judgements, decided not to rein back anything, so it is safe to say that PRISM never benefited the American government, but was inevitably going to be a colossal liability. However, that doesn't mean people didn't profit or exploit this global spying program:
- Israeli companies, Verint and Narus, who first sold the PRISM technology and other wiretapping softwares to the NSA. But this is old news.
- Various corporations who oddly enough were able to have the NSA spy on activists opposed to things like fracking and other environmental activist movements because activists hurt their shareholders' quarterly profits.
- Private intelligence corporations, like Booz Allen Hamilton, who employed Edward Snowden in the first place, wants as much lucrative contracts from the United States government as possible. Republicans in favor of smaller government argue that private firms will drive down costs despite the fact private contractors generally have significantly larger salaries than their government counterparts. This would be a problem for Republicans, but its all good because of campaign finance laws.
- Congressmen who upheld NSA spying during crucial votes received significant campaign contributions from corporations in the Security Theatre, like Booz Allen Hamilton or Parabon.
- Real terrorists and hostile nations who want the rest of the world and American citizens to become openly hostile to the United States government for breaking international law and the United States Constitution.
- Congressman Peter King and the IRA.
Revelations from the leaks
- This is old news, but given this current scandal, it makes one wonder how many people are being watched by having their phone turned into a listening device. Not to mention that there is a significant number of people who are under constant surveillance.
- Moar old news, but no one should be surprised at Google's involvement in the PRISM scandal given their long history with the US Government. Quite a long way from "Do No Evil."
- The United States is physically bugging embassy offices of European Allies.
- Using a product called XKeyscore, the NSA can collect nearly anything someone using the internet does, the US government can access that data any time from anywhere. Those subject to blackmailing include journalists; judges, including Supreme Court Judges; Congressmen; Generals; Barack Obama; etc. for the purposes of blackmailing anyone who gets in the way.
- Germany is considered a high priority target, in a similar classification that Russia or China get, proving that PRISM was never about stopping terrorists in the first place.
- Despite claims to the contrary by various political leaders and governments, various European countries are "in bed" with NSA spies, the relationship between the NSA and BND is quite intimate with loving gestures by the BND such as sending massive amounts of data daily to the NSA.
- The NSA is capable of spying on everyone all the time because they paid for access to numerous corporations to have access to nearly all the fibre optic cables in the world.
- The NSA with Israeli assistance created the Stunex virus that has been terrorizing Iranian Nuclear facilities for several years.
- Despite that the NSA can read everyone else's emails in the world, they can't search their own emails because the system is "a little antiquated and archaic." Experts are unsure if this is bullshit or the NSA is compromised of idiots, some argue that both statements are true.
- A secretive DEA unit uses NSA surveillance information to help law officials to make arrests against Americans. On top of this, the DEA is covering this up and saying "old fashion police work" is why they caught the criminals. But this could be considered as old news if you have ever read an old IRS manual where it explicitly instructs agents to alter the investigation trail.
- According to the NSA, all of North America is classified as "The Homeland."
- Numerous Congressmen have challenged how little they know about the NSA's domestic surveillance program despite NSA apologist claims to the contrary. Not to mention how even basic information about the NSA is denied to them.
- The NSA hacked into UN communications. Apparently, they thought this would be a good idea after the United States got into trouble when Hillary Clinton was caught telling US diplomats to the United Nations to spy on other diplomats.
- Anti-Tor malware has been traced back to the NSA,
which makes one wonder if Tor was actually ever compromised Tor was compromised from day one.Tor is pretty safe as long as you know how to use it CORRECTLY.
- The NSA is targeting journalists who are critical of the government. Which would help explain why Michael Hastings was assassinated, especially considering that the CIA director Brennan confirmed Michael Hastings as a target.
- The NSA has admitted there have been intentional abuses of PRISM, including agents using the program to spy on love interests. This is a radical shift from earlier claims by apologists that there have been no abuses of power.
- The NSA claimed that it touches 1.6% of the metadata it collects. Not only is this incorrect, or the use of percentages is done because it sounds less bad than actual raw numbers, but the NSA fucked up on the math. Hopefully, terrorists will never use math equations in Riddler-esq styled plots given the NSA's weakness to doing math. This poorly written joke about Batman is only funny because the NSA should have no reason to fuck up on math.
- Silicon Valley works for the Pentagon, so they were never on your side in the first place. So eat a bag of dicks Apple fanbois, your overpriced telescreens made by slave workers in China whom eventually die from inhaling aluminium powder doesn't make you cool, it makes you look like a retarded douche bag.
- The NSA built a massive database of gun owners at the same time they opposed a national gun registration program. This would be scandalous, but with the Obama administration's gun grabbing agenda, hypocrisy on the Second Amendment is considered as active policy.
Drama and other IRL events that have resulted because of the leaks
- From an undisclosed location somewhere presumably Earth, the NSA intercepted electronic communications from senior Al-Qaeda members who discussed attacking various American interests in the Middle East and North Africa. This was considered such a threat, numerous embassies all over the Middle East and North Africa were shut down. The NSA claimed this was a serious threat by Al-Qaeda and compared it to the most serious terrorist plot since 9/11. In their on-going effort to be appreciated, the NSA told everyone about this approaching 9/11 times 100, which is atypical behavior of the NSA. Given nothing happened, it appears Al-Qaeda massively trolled the United States government into overreacting in an inappropriate fashion during a time when the NSA's surveillance is under serious scrutiny. Unless the NSA intentionally lied to instil fear in the American public with the "terrorist boogeyman" threat as well as justify their budget in the billions is worth the inability to stop an unprecedented number of jail breaks in the Middle East or prevent terrorists from attacking a major city despite official warnings from Russia. Either option is equally lulzy, so I consider both hypothesises as valid.
- The relationship between US intelligence Agencies and the hacker community has regressed since the Edward Snowden scandal started. This is seriously problematic for a nation that wants to war with a nation with skilled hackers who will likely attempt to crash drones into Aircraft Carriers as America lacks adequate personnel to defend against this. It is interesting to note that hackers are labelled as anti-state by Reuters. While this is an accurate generalization, on Encyclopedia Dramatica for example, describing us as nationalistic or ultra-nationalistic would be a better description of our collective opinion on the state. Despite this attitude we have for the state, nationalism is extremely anti-corruption and anti-incompetence, so our indignation at the NSA is in-align with the majority of the collective, but based on how utterly silly the PRISM narrative has been so far and will continue to be.
- The email service Edward Snowden shut down because they refused to comply with orders from the NSA, meaning any email service still running is likely giving the NSA information about their users.
- Glenn Greenwald has at around 15,000-20,000 documents from Snowden left, meaning this drama has barely begun.
North American events
- Suspects of crimes might be allowed to use Big Brother to prove they are innocent of any wrongdoing. Though, it would be unlikely the government is going to allow you to use your portable telescreen to prove your innocence because you don't deserve the benefit of the doubt given you were already under surveillance criminal scum.
- Director of National Intelligence James R. Clapper Jr lied to Congress about how the NSA wasn't collecting data on millions of Americans. Clapper later apologized, citing he misunderstood the question. It is incredibly unlikely that Clapper will be punished for perjuring himself in front of Congress.
- After "constant misleading information" from intelligence agency chiefs, NSA surveillance critics will testify their case before Congress.
- Since this surveillance infrastructure exists on a global scale, it is only a matter of time before black hats can access this infrastructure for nefarious purposes against you. An example of such nefarious act could be hacking a drone and using XKeyscore to track an E-nemy in order to blow up their house. Eventually, this will be possible to do with your Google glasses. In many ways, reality is becoming like Neuromancer, but way cooler as there was never special portable hacker sunglasses in Neuromancer.
- High School students embarrass NSA recruiters in front of college students. Hysterical, must listen/read. 9/11 on the lulz scale.
- Various groups from the internet decided to protest on the 4th of July, but given major internet giants are in support of PRISM for cash money, nothing resulted from liberals and Reddit protesting IRL.
- The Electronic Privacy Information Center is working on presenting a petition to the United States government because it is common knowledge Internet petitions are an effective means to demand policy change.
- A poll shows that 71% of Americans think that the Founding Fathers would be disappointed at the current state of affairs in the government. Such beliefs would make 71% of Americans extremists according to this DoD training manual.
- The NSA is trying to win the hearts and minds of our children, ignoring the fact that American children are attracted to the martyrdom of individuals like Bradley Manning and Edward Snowden. John McCain likens Edward Snowden to Jason Bourne in the minds of young Americans.
- Background checks are apparently not as thorough as NORPS imagine they would be. For example, Edward Snowden passed background checks twice despite clear warning signs such as he supports and donated to Ron Paul's campaigns.
- A law firm representing a State Department whistleblower had three computers stolen and filing cabinets searched through, but no valuables were stolen. So nothing to see here, please move along to the next bullet point.
- A federal judge has thrown out 'state secrets' claim in order to allow a lawsuit against the NSA to continue.
- A NSA Senate oversight bill is currently in the works, but it might actually make it more difficult for corporations to legally challenge the NSA. In response to this, the NSA holds a super secret emergency meeting to beat an amendment that cripples their agency's power and save their jobs. The NSA, to no ones surprise, managed to save their jobs. Representative Justin Amash has reintroduced NSA defunding bill and there might be votes for it, resulting in no jobs for the NSA.
- Nancy Pelosi wrote a letter to Obama about the NSA to assuage anger despite voting against an amendment to reign in the NSA's power.
- For over a year, Senators Ron Wyden and Mark Udall have been fighting against NSA surveillance programs. It seems that at least some people in Congress are doing their jobs, please show your support to senators Ron Wyden and Mark Udall every time they need it.
- After promising in his 2008 campaign to protect and defend whistleblowers, the Obama administration has urged federal employees to spy on one another in an effort to minimize further leaks. Like other plans by Obama, this plan to catch leakers will be massively successful for third party interests. Obama has personally insisted this internal policing won't be a distraction from federal employees performing their normal duties. The Pentagon even made a video game about how to identify potential leakers. In a picture used in the article, you see the Pentagon has a zero-tolerance policy of playing video games while at work, suggesting employees had to play this instructional video game during their off hours.
- Obama's pick for NSA review panel, Cass Sunstein wrote a paper in 2008 about how he supported pro-government shilling on the internet. Despite saying only false conspiracies will be targeted by government shills, no one believes this given how far they have already gone into hiding the fact that Jews did 9/11.
- A computer with a US Senate's IP address was caught in an edit war on Wikipedia. This is another example of how inept the US government is on computer and internet related matters given Jimbo will push propaganda if he can get enough donations
for another yachtto maintain his very expensive website.
- Feds are telling internet based firms to turn over user passwords. While this is scary, the fact the Feds need this goes to show that they are not as good with computers as they pretend to be.
- NSA leaks are changing the behavior of internet users everywhere, including scaring people off the internet in general. Some argue this will cure the internet of cancer, but others argue this is not enough to fix the internet.
- German prosecutors are currently reviewing allegations of how the NSA violated laws by spying on German citizens.
- Germany ends information sharing pact with Great Britain and the United States.
- The European Parliament voted to suspend data sharing agreements with the United States, but voted against amendments to stop a trade deal, despite earlier threats to this trade deal over PRISM revelations.
- Kim Dotcom uses an image projector to put the phrase "United Stasi of America" on the US Embassy in Berlin, along with his fat face adorned with shades.
- Swedish entrepreneurs raise $100,000 in 36 hours to fund a "NSA-proof" app to negate the fact you are carrying a portable telescreen in your pocket that you use to blog on Facebook to your friends. Luckily for the NSA, they have an app too.
- Germany's Justice Minister has demanded why Germany's Secret Service is giving over information to the NSA without his ministry’s knowledge.
- No international scandal is complete without Putin getting involved. Due to Putin's decision grant asylum to Edward Snowden, Obama behaved in a professional manner and decided not to meet with Putin on his trip to Russia. So much for Obama's promise to "reset" relations between the United States and Russia.
- Arguably the most dramatic event to result from these leaks is when Glenn Greenwald's partner was detained for almost nine hours (cause they don't need a reason to detain you if you are kept under 9 hours). After almost nine hours, they released Glenn Greenwald's partner, but officials confiscated electronics equipment including his mobile phone, laptop, camera, memory sticks, DVDs and games consoles. While Glenn Greenwald expressed calm about what happened to his partner, including encrypted files being confiscated, he was utterly enraged that the British authorities confiscated his Butt-Buddy's Xbox360 and games as he was really far into Mass Effect 3. For this grave injustice committed against FemShepXGarrus, Mr. Greenwald has promised to be "far more aggressive" in leaking documents. The British government promptly destroyed hard drives containing the leaks. The United States has denied they ordered the detention of Mr. Greenwald's lover, but the White House has admitted they were given prior notice. The British have defended the detention, citing that they "have a duty to protect the public and our national security." Meanwhile, Brazil expressed anger over the detention (as David Miranda is Brazilian).
South American events
- The President of Bolivia was denied being allowed to use the airspace of France, Spain, and Portugal; when he eventually landed in Austria, his plane was searched under the suspicion of Edward Snowden being on board. This has caused massive butthurt and the word "kidnapping" has been thrown around by Bolivia. UNASUR is allegedly preparing to address this "kidnapping," so far, they have only demanded an apology from involved nations. The Bolivian ambassador to the United Nations will be addressing the body over this "kidnapping."
- The government of Brazil has begun investigations into evidence of NSA surveillance.
- The Brazilian government is working on creating an Internet Bill of Civil Rights that would address the NSA surveillance and many other things.
- Various countries deny asylum to Edward Snowden due to severe Pussybitch syndrome resulting from Joe Biden's bullying. Though, a few some shitty countries step up to the plate and are willing to grant asylum.
How to troll the NSA
Feel free to include your own ideas about how to best troll the NSA
- Operation talk like a terrorist all the time
- Have your president tell a friend over a secure line that Edward Snowden will be flying back on the plane with him. If you can't get your president to participate in this troll, have a similar conversation with a friend on the phone any time you or your friend is about to board a plane. Photoshop software is pretty good these days and looks quite convincing, so if you can send a picture text message, this is highly recommended.
- Be a Muslim.
- If you have an iphone, do this.
- Chat on Wikileaks. Tell the spambots and their friends that the Tartan Influence Model is way overvalued.
- Post a link to a cool site.
- Send yourself a very long list of random numbers.
- Be a terrorist.
- Help out at http://wiki.echelon2.org/
- Arrange with your buddies to trade juicy (but wrong) stock tips over a long distance call.
- Download the software in this article.
- Remind them about how their attempts to lynch Snowden only succeeded in alienating all of America's allies.
- Intelligence Director James Clapper has a tumblr account, which is pretty much all the justification one needs to troll.
Be sure to pack plenty of lube when they ship your ass to Guantanamo Bay for fucking with them!
|Hey!|| This information is an Encyclopedia Dramatica exclusive.|
This article is only for the discriminating lulz connoisseur.
Known twitter troll AgentViz was one day googling PRISM and stumbled upon the Parabon Computation's unsecured database easily full of millions of dollars in custom software. Such software includes Locksmith which makes all SSL utterly useless. He immediately proceeded to copy everything while spamming the exposed url (which was up for 24-36 hours) to anyone who gave a shit about proliferation of this free software onto the internet. The journalist behind the PRISM leaks, Glenn Greenwald was sent the exposed url, but for unknown reasons, he didn't publish this story. This makes Encyclopedia Dramatica literally the first source officially reporting on this aspect of the ongoing PRISM scandal. So please enjoy the lulz and software while it is still up. There are papers on what some of the software does here, but none exist for Jigsaw, so no one knows what this is. Presumably based on the name, it might have to do with encryption, but who knows? That is what our scientists are for!
These urls keep getting killed, so if they aren't working at any given moment, we are trying to upload them to a new url.
The Pirate Bay link is down so use this magnet link (this is a torrent, copy & paste the following gibberish into your torrent client):
|Proof the Leak Happened||About missing Pics|
Evidence that the NSA give a shit about these files
The NSA has already arrived to the scene trying to make you think this software is useless and are working very hard to kill the links. Experts are looking into exactly what this unimportant software does (which is a process that the leaker and friends think will take months, partly why we think that no genuine person took the time to look into these files before dismissing this as unimportant). Given the drama happening over this, we suspect the software is not unimportant. As we get further to the truth of this, the NSA will troll more because they are too incompetent to realize the Streisand Effect only makes us more determined in our research into these supposedly unimportant files.
|NSA Trollings (an ongoing documentation)||About missing Pics|
Russia Today doesn't care about these leaks cause Anonymous™ wasn't responsible
—RT on how they only care about internet leaks if Anonymous™ is responsible
|RT cares about the news||About missing Pics|
Research into the Parabon Computations Leaks
The leaker is posting some data here. But here are also some pictures of the work he has done so far with other computer experts. So even if something happens to Encyclopedia Dramatica or our writers, there will still be people working on finding out exactly what this unimportant data is. And if bad things happen, hopefully, you will work on finding out the truth of why these files are so unimportant because you aren't a Pussybitch. Cause if they are willing to do bad things to journalists and researchers over unimportant software, what do you think their plans will have in store for you? Fight back while you still can.
|Research||About missing Pics|
The Real Story behind the Parabon Computation Leaks
The further our leaker went into the leaks, he found out that the United States government is employing corporations of mad scientists to research cool shit. This would make some people uncomfortable, but given Encyclopedia Dramatica is pro-mad scientist, the realization that the United States has such technology at its disposal is pretty cool. You can read more about the mad scientist research here.
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As with all leaks, there is always a leaker. In this case, Edward Snowden, a high school dropout who broke both his legs at bootcamp, is behind the leaks that have single handedly destroyed what remained of America's soft power since George W. Bush let Isrealis blow up the World Trade Center buildings 1, 2, and 7. The realization that a high school drop-out has utterly demolished an administration full of Ivy League bureaucrats' credibility is another way that Ayn Rand's dystopian nightmare is coming true.
The Consequences of the NSA spying on everyone for the United States
Besides the complete ruination of the United States' soft power and credibility, there are numerous other ways that the NSA has fucked up everything for the United States by spying on everyone in the world. Technically, non-Americans are fair game for NSA spying because the 4th amendment doesn't protect them, still, in democratic regimes, having your government turn over surveillance information to foreigners tends to piss people off. In more important matters, the NSA has destroyed Silicon Valley by destroying credibility in their software, hence why Silicon Valley Giants are super concerned about their future in business. One year ago, it would be inconceivable that any other nation could challenge the United States in its monopoly on software, but now because of the PRISM scandal, there is no reason for start ups in BRICs or Next Eleven countries not to seriously challenge the United States with start-ups. Brazil just opened a tech startup office in San Francisco to hire American talent. Given the Brazilian success stories of Vale Mining and Embraer, Silicon Valley is likely to have a serious challenge to their monopoly. In terms of corporate espionage, the United States can no longer accuse China of stealing corporate espionage due to this certainly happened with the PRISM software. Of course, the private citizenry with 300+ million firearms have one more reason to be butthurt about Obama and the government. And who knows what else this PRISM saga will bring? Well besides more delicious drama.
Enjoy the hours of weeb cartoons and furry porn, NSA. It's not like any of us have jobs.
An artistic rendition of Edward Snowden if he is caught.
Catch him if you can Obama.
- PRISM supporters
- Gallup Poll on the NSA
- NBC/WSJ poll
- Pew study reveals that more Americans are concerned about privacy than terrorism
- Timeline of NSA events
- List of Congressmen who voted against NSA spying amendment. You know what to do.
- Up-to-date record by the ACLU documenting all NSA documents released to the public
PRISM is part of a series on
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|Featured article August 29 & 30, 2013|
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