PUAs, or Perfectly Unquestionable Alibi are a special breed of nerd that are beginning to take a foothold in the competitive market of studio apartment real estate. There are claims that PUA stands for Pickup Artist, but the only thing these artists have ever picked up are beat-off blisters and a bag of Cheetos. In all actuality, Pickup Artistry is the great Guido scam perpetuated upon the sexually frustrated sector of the internet in order to farm more gold for hair gel and Old Spice.
And people are falling for it.
How Pickup Artists Work
—Because telling women their nails look shitty will get them to fuck you.
Odds are, if you searched this article, you're probably what is called an AFC, or Average Frustrated Chump. There are many other names for AFC but this is the official term. If you're the kind of guy who values friendship and hugs over raucous callous fucks, then you're an AFC. PUA is the science of tricking women into letting you fuck them. Using PUA methods, in theory, an AFC is supposed to become some kind of pussy magnet, but the end result is always the opposite: a pussy deflector with a better understanding of arithmetic and blue balls.
There exists a few rules among PUAs, one of the chief rules being the 3 Second Rule. Once you see a fine young target, you have 3 seconds to sarge on that bitch and drop your favorite opener or neg before she puts up her bitch shield (or BS) or the AMOG of her set interferes. Sometimes, her buying temperature might be too high to risk a LJBF in front of other potential sets so you should roll off at the first sign of an IOD or if she has an obstacle. However, if you are natural with DLP and she's displaying IOI after some Kino, you should STMD and F close that bitch, fuck a damn @close those are for AFCs. Also, your fedora doesn't make you look like a faggot, that's a dopeass peacock if I've ever seen one.
Don't forget your rubber, you fucking PUAM you.
What's REALLY going on
Since most people are utterly unable to hold a conversation with the opposite sex without mentioning Hideo Kojima's latest podcast or some funny anecdote they heard on IRC, their chances at getting laid are minute at best. So, they latch onto whatever tricks and methods they can get their hands on. As it just so happens, an emerging new class of businessmen have been selling confidence to pasty basement dwellers for a while now. PUA lessons can be as little as 200-300 a pop, and usually entail a live Sarging session where you follow your instructor and watch how he entrances the nubile young ladies with a mere offhand mention about how fake their shoes are. A common technique, the Neg or Negative Hit is literally an insult meant to put the unaware target on the defensive to prove herself to be worthy of your manly presence. If done right, the world is your pussy, or so say the masters of the game.
What they don't tell you is the part about personal hygiene being important, being able to take a woman back to your place without having to trudge through empty bottles of Mountain Dew and boxes of Pocky, and most importantly: what to do should the unthinkable occur. No amount of awesome negs or smooth kino is going to get your dick wet if you're pushing 300lbs and smell like musty ass. Hit the gym, cut your hair, and maybe get out more. Who knows, you might actually be able to save a few hundred dollars if you learn to become socially acceptable.
Example PUA Lexicon
- 3 Second Rule
- Must approach a set within 3 seconds to avoid over-thinking, bailing, or risking the target seeing you stall creating a DLV. Men who wait before approaching appear weak, creepy.
- AMOG - Alpha Male Other Guy
- May or may not be a BF of target, but asserts himself as leader of a group. He will try to break your game, usually with challenges to your material, but possibly may escalate to intimidation or violence. Usually an AFC, but some PUAs practice this.
- Associating an emotion to a physical thing. To set an anchor, create a positive emotional state and provide a unique trigger. Later, use that trigger to recall that emotion.
- ASD - Anti-Slut Defense
- Women's internal mechanism to make sure it doesn't appear to herself and others that she's too easily seduced. This is overcome with good gaming, extended comfort building, multiple location changes, and spending the appropriate amount of contact time in each stage. The PUA should also learn to handle women's tendency to backward rationalize any situation -- in other words, give her away to tell herself that her actions are not her fault.
- AA - Approach Anxiety
- The fear of making cold first approaches on a group of women. Nearly every man has a fear of making the initial approach, based on years of contact and trying to make friends with rude, arrogant women. AA is reduced with lots of practice, and knowledge that you have a solid strategy.
- AI - Approach Invitation
- A women is signaling for you to approach her, with eye contact or body language.
- AFC - Average Frustrated Chump
- The 'old style' of pickup up men by buying their time and attention with drinks, flowers, dinner, etc. The men generally have been taught failed social interaction at a young age by women (perhaps raised by women), and will cling for decades to the concept of 'just be yourself'. Often these men are angry and suicidal, and will cling for decades to their belief that women should be friends first and treated like entitled princesses.
PUA 4 Dummies: Kids Edition
It should be no surprise that kids are losing their virginity younger and younger, but when your 9 year old son writes a book about pickup techniques and your name isn't Mystery, you got a bona fide rapist in training on your hands.
Introducing Alec Grevin, Kindergarten Kino King. While he's actually in fourth grade, that won't stop him from laying his best negs on the unsuspecting nubile vixens at the jungle gym.
The article, seen here, includes a small interview and excerpts from his book which include the following pearls of wisdom for all of the world's would-be Don Juan Degrassis:
—Sage wisdom from a Pubescense UnAttained.
A coloring book version of Alec's magnum opus was in the works, but was scrapped when it was discovered that most roofies are colorless. The scratch-and-sniff activity section was dropped for obvious reasons.
PUA Confesses the truth
Recent drama and lulz
The online PUA community has experienced a collapse recently (Nov '12), owing to a disastrous PUA meetup in D.C. where the internet's premier PUAs all descended onto a bar and failed to get laid. The PUAs (eg: FFY, Roosh V) are deleting their blogs and starting lifestyle web sites, the equivalent of a disgraced religious leader becoming a used car salesman.
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