Pac-Man

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Pac-Man

Pac-Man is an old-school arcade game famous for pioneering the vidya game world, being one of the only games one could play back in the long ago, and for turning a generation of kids into fat, lazy, unmotivated nerds. The game was made by some Japanese guy named Toru Iwatani, and was released on May 22, 1980. The game is very basic: you have four ghosts that follow you and try to kill you while you try to eat up all of the white dots on the screen. Occasionally, you will find larger, flashing dots that essentially make you invincible to the ghosts, as well as allows you to eat them up during the time allotted. If you manage to collect all of the dots, (which rarely people do) you will advance to the "next level"; that is, the same fucking thing over and over again. Due to its constant repetition, the game has fallen out of popularity because many people have simply gotten bored with the concept, and would rather play crime games with police chases and the ability to pick up hookers, as well as shitty iPhone games that only cost 99 cents in the app store. Also the game was originally meant to be played indefinitely, provided the player could maintain a single life for long periods of time; however, due to some stupid glitch, the game can only be played up to level 255 before going completely apeshit by the time it reaches the 256th level. Most people, especially you, will not ever see this because most people often die off on the first fucking level and end up rage quitting altogether.

This is what the game will look like when you reach the 256th level. As if YOU ever will!

History of Pac-Man

Origin

It became popular among heterosexual Japanese teens despite its retarded premise. One year later, it was brought to Americunt. Americans went batshit insane over the dorky little yellow head. Numerous merchandise, including cereal, board games, and a TV show, left an indelible stain upon pop culture. Teens wasted their allowance on this arcade game even before they received it, completely forgetting about that Michael Jackson 8-track they've been pining for. In fact, Pac-Man is partially responsible for the decline in 8-track sales by the turn of the decade. That's good since cassettes pwn them anyway. Overall, that fuck stain Pac-Man (not to be confused with Paki-Man or Pikmin ) was the shit in America back then, and people loved it until they got killed one time and went insanely mad. Good Night folks!

Feminism Attacks

In 1981, feminists, high on estrogen and folk guitar, hijacked a truck delivering Pac-Man machines to hick towns (the last places in the U.S. to experience Pac-Man Fever), and used their l33t binary skills to re-write the code of the game to turn the male protagonist into a female. Word spread of this incident, as more and more feminists took the helm of the franchise. The new game, Ms. Pac-Man, was another huge sensation, even among men. This explains why bisexuality and hair metal became prominent during the 1980s. Pac-Man and Ms. Pac-Man eventually got married and gave birth to a kid, PacMan Jr., but noone gave a shit about that.

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