Patriot Act

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If you are not doing this, you hate America and your ass is motherfucking meat.
The USA PATRIOT ACT was drafted to prevent bald eagles from becoming cutters. Even though IT HAS NO TEAR GLANDS.

Is both a piece of legislation and a sexual act so depraved that even the internet itself has actively rejected any attempt at describing it online. It is meant to protect our freedumbz from people who hate us for our freedumbz, by taking our own freedomz away first before they do. Much like 9/11, Jews did it, as evidenced in the legislation being drafted BEFORE the act of hook-nosed sneakery. PATRIOT ACT is an acronym to associate stupidity with being 'Merkun for Americans (everyone outside of the USA had already made the connection). PATRIOT ACT is an acronym meaning:


Big brother.jpeg


The PATRIOT ACT, named using traditional Orwellian Doublethink, made provisions allowing pigs to perform warrantless searches and seizures and to arrest and imprison suspects (read: filthy, turban-wearing jihadis anyone) indefinitely without bail, as well as warrantless wiretapping. Nobody gave a shit for at least 100 days, since the CIA had been pulling the same crap since at least 100 years ago and minorities were already used to being raeped by the police.

Hey! That's cheating!

The PATRIOT Act is written as a series of amendments to other legislation. Instead of coming out and saying "it's ok for the feds to wiretap your bathroom", it says "replace comma in Wiretapping act 456.789.012 section nine, sentence 3 with a semicolon, insert word 'bathroom' second line after the word 'ok'". It cannot be interpreted at all without all the othjer legislation it modifies. That is, it is deliberately written to be impossible to read.

Drama Abound!

Soon after, liberals and libertarians collectively shit their pants upon finally bothering to read about it months after it was signed into law. Every forum on the internets got crapflooded to shit once everybody found out W set the Bill of Rights up the bomb and the neocon contingent defended W's God-given right to greenlight forgoing the entire hour it would take to get a damn search warrant thereby circumventing due process if it meant rooting out the alleged millions of terrorists he'd supposedly known about for years but decided to stick his thumbs up his ass instead.

Trolling the FBI

We all know what the FBI is going to find on our computer. I mean, you might be worried if you have tons of delicious cake in there, but otherwise, it's just all your other porn. But let's get them excited!

Step 1- Make a folder in your my documents named 'Secret Terrorist Plots'

Step 2- Fill folder with the goatse and tubgirl and every other horror that is legal

Step 3- ????

Step 4- Get waterboarded in Gitmo (unlikely to result in profit)


Proponents of the PATRIOT ACT


Opponents of the PATRIOT ACT