Paul Ryan

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I'm lying to you! LOL.
Hey girl

Paul Ryan is the failed 2012 Republican vice-presidential candidate, 2016 presidential candidate, and Tommy Davis impersonator. The running mate of former Taxachusetts Governor and 2012 Republican Presidential nominee Mitt Romney, Ryan made a name for himself when he made an opening speech at the Republican National Convention that was so full of lies and inaccuracies that FOX NEWS had this to say:

   
 
to anyone paying the slightest bit of attention to facts, Ryan’s speech was an apparent attempt to set the world record for the greatest number of blatant lies and misrepresentations slipped into a single political speech. On this measure, while it was Romney who ran the Olympics, Ryan earned the gold.
 

 
 

Socialist Liberal News Organization FOX News

Contents

Selection as candidate

When the Romneybot malfunctioned in early 2012, the Republican party decided that all was lost for 2012, and set their sights on installing Paul_Ryan.exe in 2016, hoping everyone would be so dazzled by Ryan's eyes and P90X sculpted bod, that they won't notice that the candidate is a far right radical interested in abolishing Medicare, Medicaid, and taxes on the wealthy.


   
 
Let Ryan be Ryan
 

 
 

—The Tea Party

Ryan's sensible positions on the abolition of Medicare and abortions makes him very popular with the public, and he is now more popular than Romney:


Positions

Hey girl, my lies are thiiis big

Homosexuals and housewives have noted that Paul Ryan is hot, and this will gain him ten percent of the vote. However, Ryan has adopted some extremely controversial positions that could result in no votes other than from the Sexy Party.

Abortion

Don't want kids? Prepare to have over 9000 abortions if this guy gets in. Because he is against birth control and against abortion, you might have to administer the abortion yourself. If your girlfriend doesn't like anal, it might be a good idea to cheat, or turn your office into a nursery.

Medicare

Ryan is in favor of turning Medicare into a voucher program. Good luck getting a new wheelchair, Granny.

Immigration

Ryan doesn't believe in borders.

Terrorism

Ryan is in favor of terroism showing his support by sporting a muslim beard and supporting gun rights faggots on the terrorist watch list

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Paul Ryan soliciting porn from Daesh

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Paul Ryan's wife is an animal

Last Thursday, redditors noticed that the Wikipedia picture for Ryan was ridiculously hi-res. This led to "hours of Photoshopping fun". It was also noticed that there is a hickey Photoshopped out of Ryan's Wikipedia picture. Ryan's impossibly blue eyes and strange but sexy appearance makes even the manliest lezzies moist with desire.

Related Articles

External Links

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