From Encyclopedia Dramatica
GayPal (formerly known as PayPal) is one of the world's biggest internet jewish scams which unlike most other scams, is welcomed into the tubes with open arms. Owned by eBay, it has been crafted very carefully into the world's largest unregulated bank, meaning eBay can and will steal all your money whenever they so feel.
Sometimes payments get taken from your bank account straight away, sometimes they'll take three business days, and on other occasions PayPal will wait around a fortnight to collect. There is no way of knowing in advance what PayPal is going to do, and so the only safe thing is to reserve exactly how much you think PayPal is going to take and withdraw all the rest of your money from your bank account, then wait until next payday before daring to us your card again. And even that's not entirely reliable. Every time you use PayPal you are teetering on a precipice of confusion, accidental overspends, bouncing withdrawals, consequent overdrawn fees, penury, destitution and the poor-house.
The best way to transact via PayPal is the e-check, which takes the money straight away, so you know where you stand. PayPal then sits on this money for ten -- TEN! -- business days before it 'clears' into the recipient's account. What has the money been doing all that time? Accruing interest, that's what, and the reverse salami-slicing of the tiny but real interest earned by all the e-checks being 'processed' at any given moment enables PayPal to make magic money hand over fist just like a real bank.
eBay promotes them by not just the lie that PayPal is safe, but also the lie that no other payment form is safe and has caused everyone to stop paying their rent, taxes, bridge tolls, restaurants, grocery stores, and hookers because they won't take PayPal.
People Who Use GayPal
It's a proven fact that every single person that uses PayPal only does it because they are forced to. When people on eBay learned from a terrible thing called a Google search that PayPal was a scam, everyone fled it in droves. When eBay learned how this terrible thing of a google search can reveal how PayPal is a scam, eBay banned Google Checkout from its site in retaliation. But when people still kept quitting PayPal, eBay made PayPal required on its entire site  and then made half of its website paypal-only  with no exceptions.
PayPal Promotes Identity Theft
Once you get more than $250 that has come into your paypal account, regardless of whether you hit your monthly limit, PayPal will freeze your account until you give them your social security number, credit card number, utility bill, photocopied ID, proof of address, birth certificate, 1/3 of your income for 6 months, photo of your cock, your first newborn son and more stuff. Once they have that, they will sell it to illegal Mexican immigrants so they do identity theft on you, largely for the lulz.
PayPal will also demand your supplier info before they let you sell again. This is because the PayPal employees also sell on eBay. They want your supplier info so they can buy at wholesale prices.
War on allegedly infringing sites
PayPal has joined a music copyright association and the City of London police department's bid to financially starve websites deemed "illegal." If anyone submits Infringement Report they will start requiring you to prove your right to sell each copyrighted item you sell.
Law experts say that there is no such thing as a proof of copyright ownership; at maximum you can prove the copyright claims of a certain accuser are invalid:
So once an infringement report has been submitted against you, you can consider yourself pwned. So PayPal's Infringement Report Policy is a powerful tool to kick a small competitor off the market reserved for large corporations.
How to Troll PayPal
The way to get back at PayPal is to list about 100 items on eBay, sell them for prices way lower than the competition. Buyer pays immediately by PayPal, and then a day later you refund everyone's payment and send them a boilerplate email, saying "PayPal has advised me to refund your payment, citing security concerns over the funding of your PayPal account. Please contact them at 1-888-221-1161 to resolve the situation." Usually more than half will call PayPal, because they are getting such a great price on the item. This ties up PayPal's customer service for a few hours, and a portion of the buyers will tell you they are going to stop using PayPal all together because of the all their BS. Great thing is it is perfectly legal.
How to Get Free Items on eBay With PayPal: Buyer's Guide
Legal: This is technically illegal, but the law counts it as a civil matter as long as it's under $10,000 per transaction. In addition, most buyers who pay with paypal use this so it's pretty common. eBay and PayPal endorse this, but if you plan to do it every single time then your paypal account will get banned so open a PO Box, get a credit card going to that, then clear cookies and change your IP before making a new gaypal account.
- Don't worry if the seller says they don't accept PayPal. If eBay isn't forcing every seller to take it they will in a couple months. Not even merchant accounts will be allowed. If the seller doesn't take it, eBay will just remove any unpaid strike purely because you wanted PayPal. For fun, don't search PayPal only, and find the ones that say they don't take PayPal -- unless the seller is smart and links to this article as the reason why (and all eBay sellers should).
- Win something by eBay but wait as long as possible to pay. You have 45 days to get your money back from PayPal from the time you send it, but the seller only has 45 days to give you an unpaid item strike from when the auction ends.
- Pay by credit card. Never ever give PayPal your bank account because PayPal falsely claims it is safer than credit card. They want you to use your bank account because they can then charge credit card level fees and only pay bank account level fees. Credit card counts as a purchase with charge-back rights, while bank account is ACH so you're fucked. Rule of thumb: whenever PayPal claims something is safe, it is not.
- Ask the seller to leave you feedback after you paid. You can even leave them positive feedback first so they know you won't neg them. This insures that your reputation is clean. If they put a follow-up comment, make your feedback private--you still have that positive.
- If your address is not confirmed, meaning your credit card billing address is different from the one the seller shipped to, then you already have a free item.
- If they didn't track it, or you live outside of the USA, Canada, and UK you've already got a free item. Just file a complaint for "item not received" and even if the seller delivered to your home and has your signature, you've got a free item thanks to GayPal. Be sure it's 45 days after the end of the auction, so the buyer can't give you that unpaid item strike--that means pay several days after the auction ends as PayPal gives you 45 days to complain so you have a narrow window of a few days; you could wait longer but some sellers are insane about being paid fast.
- If they did, choose "item not as described." You then have some options:
- a) One easy way is to buy something expensive, file a "not as described" and then tell PayPal the item is fake (e.g. fake rolex, bootleg DVD) and then PayPal will tell the buyer to destroy the item instead of returning it. The buyer gets their money back and don't have to return the item.
- b) Return an empty box. Law enforcement won't care as long as it's under $10,000.
- c) Go and find a broken version of the item and return that. Don't just return an empty box--that's amateur. Try to switch all of the barcodes and labels if there are any. This is what most do.
- d) Ship the package to the seller's zip code, but not to the seller: either a friend or a mail boxes etc. Tracking only shows zip code for privacy reasons and paypal doesn't care if it's signed--maybe the seller will think their nigra, Mexican, or white trash neighbor stole it.
- e) If you live in the UK, there's a law that all business must post their physical address and must accept returns for any or no reason for up to 14 days. The law even lets you order food, eat the food, and then return the jar that once held the food.
- 8.If the seller somehow wins that, file a credit card chargeback. Paypal never disputes chargebacks.
- Other options available can be accessed by ordering a partner credit card on a fake name and using this to purchase gift cards.
How to Rip Someone Off on Paypal as a Seller
Don't be scared if the buyer's paypal claim escalates into a chargeback. In most cases, regardless of if there are items involved, the buyer can dispute anything they purchased with their credit card so eventually you get a chargeback. However, credit card companies typically lose to Paypal when buyers scream "Fraud". This is because 99% of all chargebacks are friendly fraud where the buyer goes on a shopping spree and then falsely claims their card was stolen to get the items for free so Banks are inclined to take the chargeback request, listen to Paypal as long as the seller can provide tracking numbers, then charge the chargeback fee to whoever lost in order to gain profit on top of interest from the credit card. Keep a clean ebay profile and look legit and you'll be fine.
Warning: Rules have changed with the split of Ebay and Gaypal during the summer of 2015.
- PayPal always requires delivery confirmation to be covered for "Seller Protection", so go to your local postal service branch and ship an envelope with a store coupon (empty envelope looks weird) with tracking to any non-closed mailbox in their zipcode that's not them.
- If PayPal requires signature confirmation, do the same thing but also use an internet phone book search and make sure it's someone with their same last name and require signature.
- The buyer will think someone stole it off their porch or a family member stole it.
If the buyer files a paypal dispute for non-delivery they will lose. If the buyer didn't pay with their credit card, then they'll never be able to get their money back. Even if they did pay with credit card, as long as you have a tracking number they will still lose. Make sure to ship the item fast, to a confirmed address, with a valid tracking number and to the USA to qualify for paypal's "seller protection" against chargebacks.
Protip: If you live in the USA, when money starts coming into your PayPal account, PayPal will freeze your funds and ransom it for your social security number among other things. Don't give them it. Go to Home Depot and ask the illegals where you can buy someone's name and social security number -- it should cost $25. In the UK, paypal does a phone verification so you can get a prepaid cell phone or just change your landline phone number whatever, though their phone verification can't match any non-published number so you then just have to call them and explain this.
2015 Update: The empty envelope trick will fail if the buyer can take snapshots to show it was a coupon in an envelope or something. Buyers can also run to ebay and whine if things aren't as described and ebay is a lot less kind to sellers than Paypal is. As they're two different companies now this means two chances for the buyer to beat you.
International Buyers or Digital items
If the buyer isn't in the USA or if you're handling Bitcoin-related things there's a good chance that your buyer is actually a scammer and will claim an "unauthorized charge" against you in an attempt to scam you and get a free item. In a nutshell, being prepared by sending a false item so Paypal will cover your digital item is a wise choice in general. This may seem counter-productive to earning money, but if you are selling to Europe then the exchange rates usually will more than make up for the higher shipping and digital items are super cheap to make so the profit is still good.
- Use Paypal's shipping system and Pay actual shipping out of your paypal balance as if you were mailing a real item. Tracking is included for free!
- Print your shipping label out.
- Mail an empty box or an invoice in an envelope to your buyer. As you bought your shipping with Paypal, the tracking number is already in their system.
- In case of chargeback or dispute, respond with the tracking number already on your Paypal account. Paypal will find in your favor.
When you pay full shipping you will be covered by seller protection as all Paypal cares about is whether or not the tracking number was good and whether the weight numbers looked right. You can send them an empty box or a greeting card as long as you paid realistic shipping costs for whatever the item is. Your back door is 100% covered from all angles as Paypal itself will vouch that you paid actual shipping for a real item directly through them. Not even an actual chargeback filed with a bank will get their money back because shipping weight and address all look legit.
2015 Update: Sending an empty box is now a bad idea for Digital items as screenshots and links with proof of sending in them now count the same as tracking if the item is digital. Mark payments for bitcoins as a "service" for extra protection and use the reasoning that you are doing a "currency conversion service" if you are questioned on it.
If selling a physical item, the empty envelope trick will fail if the buyer can take snapshots to show it was a coupon in an envelope or something. Buyers can also run to ebay and whine if things aren't as described and ebay is a lot less kind to sellers than Paypal is. As they're two different companies now this means two chances for the buyer to beat you.
Another way is that if you receive money outside of eBay, PayPal only lets you dispute non-delivery and not if they shipped an empty box. For example, sell "art" over FurAffinity, use one of the many half-cooked Ebay clones, or sell over Craisglist and accept only paypal.
If your charge is marked "for a service" then PayPal won't let you dispute it at all with them as it can't be proven that anything happened or not. Beware, however, as the buyer can still get you through Ebay and "Seller Protection" otherwise will not cover services at all.
How to Rip Off PayPal Themselves
- Start out by getting a Walmart/Greendot money card with about $50 on it, then open a new PayPal account.
- Once you receive the card, add it to the account. Easy, right? Next you add the direct deposit account numbers (available online, or in the mailer you get with the card). Paypal then deposits about $.10 into the account, check it online and verify.
- Wait ninety days, then apply for the PayPal debit card, set up backup funding to the direct deposit account. Make sure the first transaction is small, and actually works (make sure there is money on the debit card). Then go on a spending spree with the card (get about $1000 this way). Then just throw away the debit card and ignore the warnings for collections from PayPal; they won't do anything.
Seriously. Eventually they'll just close the account. Make a new one and start over! Here's an Alternative version:
- Open A GayPal account, start as above with a Greendot/Walmart Money Card, Add and confirm both the Direct Deposit + Debit card sides. Supposedly Greendot freezes your card if they see PayPal on it so be careful.
- Buy an item on ebay or wherever, making sure it goes through on your debit card. This shows GayPal that the debit card works.
- Buy stuff from places that take GayPal instant transfers (i.e. Newegg.com, Buy.com). MAKE SURE TO KEEP THE TOTAL UNDER $1000, OR THEY WILL SKULLFUCK YOUR ORDERS.
- They will obviously fail at some point, so make sure and get Next Day Fuck Yea Shipping.
If you actually used Paypal and got hit by bullshit charges (ex: some buyer ripped you off) and now are seeing a negative account balance here's what to do:
- Call your bank and report any Credit or Debit Card you ever gave PayPal as LOST.
- Close every bank account you have ever given Paypal.
- Delete or close your Paypal account. Never make a new one as they can tell it's you by IP addresses and other BS.
If you close everything they had on you they can't take your money. If you don't open new accounts they can't take your money.
If they send collectors after you:
- Say you never owed any money.
- Demand proof that you owed it. Legally, they have to get proof but proof costs money so they won't.
- If they continue to attempt to collect a debt you are not responsible for, you will consider it harassment and you will sue THEM.
Eventually collectors will see your debt as "unsellable" and will leave you alone.
How Sellers Can Avoid False Paypal Complaints
- Wait until seller files not received claim (Savvy scammers skip this and just go for the chargeback).
- Photograpth your item very well with a seller namecard in the picture. Photograph all maker marks and serial numbers as well.
- If the item is high fraud (ex: high ticket items, bitcoins, ect.) limit the number that can be purchased per person within 10 days.
- Send a box with delivery confirmation (physical item). Don't do digital items: they aren't covered by "seller protection"!
- Donate your saved profits to ED.
In case of chargeback, make sure you immediately send all information possible to prove your innocence. Do not wait, get it done the same day if possible as it looks good on your behalf. Wait a few days then call Paypal and talk to them declaring you are innocent. Give them all the details just as you told them a few days earlier. Ebay screenshots of conversations aren't worth much, but tracking numbers, photographic proof of ownership, and other strong proof that you delivered what you said you would are all helpful.
If you have an otherwise clean record for the past 4-6 months, they will probably side with you and may either cancel the chargeback or credit your account so you do not have to pay chargeback fees from false accusations. If you are hit by three or more chargebacks (even if it's the same asshole who did it all) they may not do this or it may take up to six months for you to be found innocent. Be sure you are charging enough to your customers that you can handle a $30 chargeback fee if someone tries to scam you.
To prevent one asshole from buying all the things and then pretending they were hacked, put a limit of items that can be bought within a ten day period. This way if there is an asshole in the bunch you are only looking at one or two chargebacks instead of ten. Chargebacks are based on number of transactions so the guy who buys five items at once, pays all at once in one lump, then does a chargeback will cost you only $30 in chargeback fees. Meanwhile if the same guy had five transactions you will end up paying $150 in chargeback fees. Scammers are also scared of getting caught so they aren't likely to wait long enough to buy from you again if you have a ten day wait after they have hit the buying limit.
An account that was inactive for 6 months or more then suddenly buys a lot of similar items from different sellers is probably a scammer. When in doubt, contact the buyer and say there is a delay in shipment for a couple of days citing whatever BS you want. The louder they complain, the more the chance they're a scammer. Offer them a polite refund if they do not want to wait, then refund them quickly and politely. You just dodged a bullet. If they try a chargeback they will fail because the item never shipped to start with and the customer was refunded already. If the buyer is asking how fast you ship things or are demanding "digital versions" of physical items like gift cards they are typically a scammer. Lie and give them your slowest worst-case scenario shipping time. Do not give them any gift card PIN, ever, or you are screwed. If they still order you now can be slow on shipping to hedge your bets.
- Use a Gmail Address if you intend on creating multiple accounts, because you can use it to create multiple email addresses by adding dots ([email protected]) or adding + and words to the end ([email protected])
- If you ever have a message in the Resolution Center that requires your feedback, send them the Offended images for great lulz.
- http://www.screw-paypal.com includes an easy LegalMatch system to find a free lawyer to sue GayPal
- PayPal voted #1 by eBayers and they all prefer it
- eBay Endorses PayPal
- PayPal lets you send money to anyone with email.
- Everyone on Ebay Loves PayPal
- Paypal Says They Have No Complaints
- Ebay Says: Paypal is Better Than Sex
- About PayPal
- GayPal is the only safe way to pay
|Featured article August 14, 2006|
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|PayPal|| Succeeded by|
|Featured article November 4 & November 5, 2013|
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World of Tanks
|PayPal|| Succeeded by|
Seasonal Affective Disorder
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