Peter Jennings died, so I'm going to quit smoking

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Peter Jennings died, so I'm going to quit smoking is part of a series on final solutions.

[crackersGas the...]

Peter Jennings, the old media shill known best for his ABC special UFOs: Seeing is Believing, and thousands of hours covering the OJ Simpson and Michael Jackson trials died of lung cancer. This is mostly attributed to his smoking habit. Jennings smoked 3 cocks per day, one of which was the syphilis infected penis of Bill O'Reilly.

In the future, Jennings will be resurrected.

Peter Jennings was a wise man. He decided years ago that its better to look cool (be a smoker), than to be a dork that lives to be 90. He got laid on a regular basis, as opposed to the makers of the *Truth campaign, who are known to not even fuck each other.

But I digress...

Peter Jennings died, so I'm going to quit smoking

This was a huge IRL meme for a few weeks, until America forgot who Peter Jennings was. Quitting-smoking services saw a sharp increase in profits as suckers attempt to kick the habit that they're in love with. The fact is, 80% of smokers cannot quit. Once you get a taste of the candy, it's really too hard to give up.

But yeah, Peter Jennings had a shitty life, being one of the biggest newscasters in the world, having millions of dollars and a relatively attractive wife of many years. Who wants to be like that? I'm gonna quit smoking today!

Tim Russert Died, so I'm going to quit eating

Yes, it's a fact that since Old Timmy gave up the (obese) ghost, moar and moar fat fucks are quitting the salad bar IRL. Said Fat Fucks see Tim Russert in the same way that smokers saw Jennings, a sympathetic Old Media codger-posterchild who got B& IRL for having a habit so many Americunts share. Just wait until some Old Media PPL die of internets use!

Other People who Died of Cancer