Phil Fish

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Shave that fucking beard, you goat.

Phil Fish (Powerword: Jacques Paul Philippe Poisson) is a shitty video game designer and LITERAL CRIMINAL who received immense praise following his creation of a Super Paper Mario rip-off called "Fez". A filthy hipster, Fish is widely reviled on the internet mostly because he's a douche and a drama whore. He's also French Canadian, which goes a long way towards explaining why he's such a stuck-up narcissistic twat.

He can't sustain his ego since he must be respected by everyone, so don't you dare try to criticize Fez, or Phil or his white knights will harass you and your family. Sometimes when Phil goes up against people with an intellect higher than a wet pixel, he usually makes an ass out of himself and goes into a ragefit, such as his latest one where he quit his gaming career and closed his company down.

Contents

Early career

The founding members of Kokoromi buttfucking each other.

Before he made his company Polytron and his game Fez, he was part of Kokoromi (moar liek COCKROMI) who also made shit games. Their goal was to promote games in their art forms which is retarded since games are made to have fun, not to watch an 8-hour movie. The group met in 2005 and they held events to promote their shitty games such as Gamma256 - you can see the rest of their projects here.

Basically they encourage designers to make games different than what people normally see, and then they submit it to their events so people can see it. Sounds simple, right? Well, that's far from the truth, since most people don't know that Kokoromi benefits from games appearing on their events, so they are a bunch of greedy Jews who are looking to steal some money from gullible people trying to promote their games in one of their world wide known events.

Fez

The only review Fish couldn't buy off.

Despite him making just one game, he got praised insanely and it probably had something to do with the 9.5 that IGN gave Fez, there's truly nothing wrong with this. It all went to his autistic head, and his e-peen quintupled in size.
The story of Fez (or, as it commonly known, Cave Story 2 Electric Boogaloo,) is that the protagonist, named Gomez, one day receives a magic fez in the mail, which makes him able to interact in 3 dimensions in a 2D world. That's it.
Fez, short for Festering Pile of Shit, with the Z added to be hip, is a game where you get to change the dimensional view. It has been done many times before, and yet people praise it as the savior of video games. What's so special about this gimmick? Even we at ED don't know the answer to that.
One theory about the game is that it is actually an insight into the autistic brain of Phil, showing off his massive ego and fragility to the world. The main character, Gomez, gains a magical Fez, which can grant the wearer insight into a new dimension, just as Phil hopes that he could put on a magic hat, and gain insight into the dimension known as reality. And just like Phil, Gomez should not face any adversity, so there are no enemies in this world. And just like the life of Phil, there is no interaction with females, as Phil had no idea how to code them.

After Fez sold over 200,000 copies on Xbox Live Arcade and got many awards it was going to Steam, yet Phil couldn't keep his mouth shut and he went on about how people should be grateful that Fez is $9 and that he should charge the game with a price of $90. That, ladies and gentlemen, is a sign of a huge ego stroke where Phil believes his game should be more expensive than games like Skyrim and Bioshock, because making a game in Flash and ripping-off another game sure is quite something special and worth praising.

After all of that shitstorm, people have had problems with their save files. So since they paid for their game, Phil should fix his game with a patch. Instead, he rejected patching the game, because fuck you guys it was too expensive.

Creating "Fez": Stealing and blackmail

It was later revealed, thanks to Phil's involvement in GamerGate (which will be discussed later in this article) that he stole the entire game.

Alex Pinsof, known for getting fired and blacklisted from Destructoid after exposing the donation fraud scheme of known psycho-tranny Chloe Sagal, came out in an interview where he exposes the fact that Fish stole everything from his former business partners. Stealing the music from the first before ending their business relationship and the code from the second before doing the same.

Phil then had Brandon Boyer, his friend and manager of both award shows he won, as well as all their mutual industry friends, threaten the two developers into into silence. To add insult to injury, Phil got a documentary about him making Fez made where he spends half of it slandering them and using them as some sort of unseen antagonist who's trying to destroy his game.

Promoting "Fez": Racketeering


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It seems that an organization called "Indie Fund", that is comprised of people in the indie gaming and gaming press scene, invested money in Polytron, which was making Fez at the time, with the speculated profits being what will be used to pay back their investment. However, as a result of a hack (that will also be discussed later in this article), Phil Fish has recently been accused of being part of a racketeering scheme to rig FEZ's early success at indie game festivals.

Indie Fund was either set up or became part of "The Indie Game Festival" (or "IGF") as well as "IndieCade": both major awards. They used their influence to push Fez through into the contest at IGF despite it being a demo and thereby ineligible to compete, and then again the next year when it was delayed and failed to be ready in time the first year. 8 of the 10 judges were investors in the first year, then 8 out of an undisclosed number the next. Although it can't be proven they all colluded to vote for Fez, it CAN be proven, thanks to leaks from other judges, that they didn't even bother to play the games they were voting for. By the way, everything here also applies to another game funded by them.

The second contest that Phil's turd of a game had won was "IndieCade". But here too "IndieFund" was involved. The voting committee chair was one of the investors and "worked closely" with all the other judges to make sure they "vote for the right game" (this is an actual quote from the site). Meaning she had the power to steer the voting in the direction she wanted. Fez finished being developed (after its "delay") a month later. Just in time to capitalize from the publicity from winning the awards.

The plan looks to have been to invest the money in the game, make a fake contest, pay Phil the prize money collected from people who actually paid $100 each to enter their game and then get back their investment money back from the profits "Fez" makes due to the publicity gained from winning (as well as positive articles they got written to promote it and shut the mouths of the people he stole it from).

Glitches

Besides being the hipster version of Cave Story, the game is of course riddled with bugs. 1% of gamers can't save their games. The amount of game breaking glitches is overwhelming, considering how easy the game was to make and took 5 years to develop.

 
 
We’re not going to patch the patch.

Why not? Because microsoft would charge us tens of thousands of dollars to re-certify the game.
And because as it turns out, the save file delete bug only happens to less than a percent of players. It’s a shitty numbers game to be playing for sure, but as a small independent, paying so much money for patches makes NO SENSE AT ALL.
 


 

Polytron, http://www.leftstickdown.com/2012/07/19/fez-update-polytron-says-were-not-going-to-patch-the-patch/

According to Quora, the game made more than $1,000,000. and it has sold more than a million copies to hipster faggots.

Here is a collection of some of the visual glitches.

Fez Glitch.png

Phil: The man, the autist, the legend

Over time (a very short time, mind you), Phil gained notoriety as one of indie gaming's biggest sperg-lords. Infamous for his tendency to fly off the handle at the slightest provocation, his constant vowing that he is quitting the gaming industry and his attempts to punish gamers as a whole for not doing is bidding by "cancelling" Fez 2 over and over.

To date Phil has quit gaming 100 times and canceled Fez 2 over 9000.

Phil hates Japanese games

During a Q&A session, a wapanese video game developer went to ask Phil what he thinks of modern Japanese video games. The response wasn't shocking as he said the following:

   
 
"Your games just suck."
 

 
 

—Phil Fish

The amount of irony here is too strong, because since Japanese games suck of course Phil would copy a game from Japan, see how dumb that was? Why the fuck would you copy two games from Japan and then proceed to tell them that their games suck? Simple: it's because in Phil's world anything he creates is immediately perfect and has no problems, even if he ripped it off from something he hates.

But no guys we just got his Archive today-ico.png comment all wrong, this is proof that Phil's a pussy and he tries to run away when cornered.

You make a Let's Play of Fez, you need to pay

So Phil, in his infinite wisdom, decided to go the route of Nintendo and claim that if you uploaded his "game" to YouTube and enabled ads, you owe him money. This is because this autist has already spent his money on kleenex for all the tears he cried when someone called him out on being a fucking hipster faggot. Of course people explained to him that nobody gave a shit, and they cared even less about his shitty creation. It all culminated in Phil having a hissyfit and closing his Twitter.

   
 
YouTubers should have to pay out a huge portion of their revenue to the developers from which they steal all their content.
revenue should be shared with developers. This should be built into YouTube. Anything else is basically piracy.

 

 
 

—Phil Fish before blocking his Twitter before closing it

   
 
If you generate money from putting my content on your channel, you owe me money. Simple as that.
If you buy a movie, are you then allowed to stream the entirety of it publicly for people to watch for free? No, because that's illegal.
Systems are in place to prevent that. But buy Fez, put ALL of it on YouTube, turn on ads, make money from it and that's TOTALLY FINE.
And the developer should in NO WAY be compensated for their work being freely distributed to the world. Right. Makes sense.

 

 
 

—Phil Fish before deleting his Twitter and crying

   
 
Sounds good Phil, just as long as you pay us royalties for every game sale generated by our free coverage.
 

 
 

TotalBiscuit calling out Phil in a tweet.

Previous Quote | Next Quote
Phil Fish - Anita Sarkeesian Is A Hero.jpg

Remember kids if you make money doing let's plays you are a dirty stinking thief

But if you make money stealing from let's plays you are a hero





Previous Video  |  Next Video

Difference between Pixel and Phil Fish

Version 1

Cave story vs fez.png


Version 2

Pixel and Bob.png


Phil leaves gaming

What people see when they enter the Polytron website.

Phil has gotten into many bitch fights but this one broke him down into the point where he emo quits the gaming industry, takes his company along with him, and cancels Fez 2. This of course led to butthurt from his fans since they anticipated the sequel to Fez.

What happened is that Game Trailers host Marcus "AnnoyedGamer" Beer and Fish got into an argument after Beer called Fish a "hipster," a "tosspot," a "wanker" and a "fucking asshole", then Fish told Beer "compare your life to mine and then kill yourself", asked for an apology, and the argument lead to Fish emoquitting the gaming industry. The word butthurt isn't even enough to explain his actions.

You can see his twitter fight here in chronological order:







Previous Video  |  Next Video

Phil and Gamergate

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One day Phil came out of his self-imposed exile from video games to stick his head into GG and get bitch slapped harder than anyone else involved.

Part 1: Defending Zoe's after she rapes a guy

His first act of bravery was to white knight Zoe Quinn against a person she sexually harassed at a wedding they attended. This was obviously a great idea as can be seen from the events that followed. The details are not important and all you really need to know is that Zoe sexually assaulted someone, Fish and everyone else defended her, they threatened to end the guys career and he ended up apologizing to her for her sexually assaulting him.

The assumption was that Phil had either already hit that or was hoping to get some pussy as thanks for his white knighting. But what he got was not what he had hoped for.

Part 2: Got hacked

Phil's DropBox and website were soon hacked and all the information about his games, business dealing and the dox of everyone involved was posted online, including SSN. Some (wrongly) suspect that the hack was a false flag (like that of Zoe at the start of that week), citing such "proof" such as:

1. "The dox are inaccurate."

Simply not true.

2. "The site is protected by CloudFlare that requires two types of verification for log-in from untrusted computers."

Irrelevant if the site was hacked as most security vulnerabilities do not require you to log into the server account. For example, if the hack was done using a remote file upload vulnerability, anyone could upload a PHP shell and take control of the server. Furthermore, if the hacker knew the real server location CloudFlare is irrelevant. Lastly, the two stage verification is opt-in so Phil the dumb-shit may have not even set it up.

3. "The message left by the hackers seems silly and full of mistakes."

That was a joke.

4. "Phil still had control of his twitter after he was hacked."

There's no reason to think that Fish's website being hacked would automatically lead to the hacker knowing his Twitter credentials.

5. "It made no sense for all of this info to be stored on the site."

The info was obtained from Phil's DropBox.

6. "Zoe was targeted at the same time."

There was no info about her posted, her accounts were not hacked and she has been targeted all week anyway.

7. "Why would the hacker upload the file only on the site he hacked?"

He didn't. There was another copy on HugeFiles.

8. "The file was created and added moments after the hack which is too fast."

See section 5 and 7.


So the people who thought it was fake don't know what they are talking about and, although they were correct, the people who thought it was legit also made some stupid points like "evidence" that Zoe herself was on /v/ antagonizing them and a few other sites went down at almost the same time (small news sites with too much traffic and SA was just down for maintenance). Nonetheless, in an effort to prove their own innocence and get Phil in trouble, multiple 4Chan users contacted the FBI to inform them of the hack. So we won't know what the truth is until either Phil gets a ride from the party van or one of the /v/ users gets taken away in cuffs after being snitched on by his own people.


 
 
Hello everyone, I am the head mod over at /V/ and leader of 4chan.org and Anonymous.* This public execution of Polytron and Phil Fish is retaliation for his attempted coverup of five guys burger and fries. Let this be a warning to all SJW game devs out there, we are coming for you. The hack of Zoe Quinn has already taken place as of a few days ago and I have targeted more SJW indie devs today.

My next target is Phil Fish. Karma's a bitch ain't it Phil?

We are /V/

We do not forgive

At all
 

 

 
 
What is inside this 1.5gb file?

Passwords of Polytron and Phil Fish
Phil Fish's address, government documents, social security information, bank information
Polytron financial information of sales and revenue
Polyron, Polytron and MORE POLYTRON! Remember to mirror the file and spread any information.
 

 



Part 3: Meltdown and selling Fez

Regardless of any of this, Phil went on a his most glorious rampage to date, calling people rapists and terrorists, before quitting gaming for the twenty-millionth time. Only this time he didn't only quit but put "Fez" up for sale.


Use scrollbar to see the full image

Phil Fish RIP Final Tweets.png
Goodnight, sweet prince


Due to his large amount of USI, Phil the retard thinks that his game is worth anything. And because he is tired of being the laughing stock of the internet, Phil is selling the IP of Fez for only 5,000,000,000,000,000,000 USD.

Phil Fish Selling Fez.png

Part 4: Racketeering and blackmail exposed

When someone took a closer look at the hacked files they realized the fact that "Fez" was all just a part of a massive con, as was explained at the start of the article. Later Pinsov would expose the fact that most of it was also stolen, also, as we have already explained.

What does he do now?

DJ Phil Fish.png
Djfish.jpg
Seen "DJing" at Tim Schafer's party, literally a day before Tim announced he ran out of money again and needs more donations.

Quotes

   
 
Gamers are the worst f***ing people.
 

 
 

—Phil Fish blaming gamers for criticizing him.

   
 
PCs are for spreadsheets.
 

 
 

—Phil Fish after being asked about releasing Fez on steam.

   
 
and im getting out of games because i choose not to put up with this abuse anymore.
 

 
 

—Phil believes that people who correct him are abusing him.

   
 
Just you wait and see, I am going to be the face of gaming! Just you fucking wait!
 

 
 

—Phil Fish stroking his ego further.

   
 
suck my dick. choke on it.
 

 
 

—An instant Classic

Previous Quote | Next Quote

Ways to troll Phil Fish

Leaked source code from every attempt Phil Fish has ever made at making a game.
  • Mention Cave Story.
  • Torrent his game, purchase Japanese game, send receipt and screenshot of torrent to his Twitter.
  • Say his game sucks.
  • Be Japanese.
  • Make an actual good video game.
  • Roleplay as him in Game Dev Tycoon, which is a blatant rip-off just like Fez, and send the video to him
  • Ask why Fez has such a mediocre rating on Metacritic by users, but great amongst "critics"
  • Mention that since the development of Fez began, Call of Duty was only at Modern Warfare 4.
  • Point out that World Of Warcraft released their first expansion same year as Fez was announced.
  • Tell him that it took less time to develop Skyrim.
  • Inform him that Fancy Pants Adventures, who won the Newgrounds game of the year award, the year after Fez was announced, is a bigger seller than Fez.
  • Remind him that a game with zero difficulty is not actually a game, but instead a pastime, like knitting.
  • Tell him to make Fez 2 for free

Gallery

Looks like the fish got out of the water About missing Pics

See Also

External Links


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Other People and Sites That Got Involved:


People: Videogame "Journalists"Videogame ReviewersAdam BaldwinCameron BakerAnne RiceWilliam ShatnerJoss WhedonHideki KamiyaBoogie2988JonTronEgoraptorChris ChanAhuviya Harel/ADF-Fuensalidam00tA Man in BlackNick DentonEllen PaoDerek SmartDarksydePhilMrRepzionSuey Park‎Richard DawkinsRichard StallmanNerdcubedJoshua IdehenVordrakFilthy FrankJim SterlingValisHDShoe0nHeadTotalBiscuitTheamazingatheistThunderf00tJulian AssangeWeevIcze4rGeorge R.R MartinStephen ColbertRoosh VNorthBySouthBaranofIronholdsGabe and TychoMaddoxFaggot Who Started OWSSceptre‎TheRalphRetortChris KluweTauriq MoosaParkourDude91The Wannabe DickridersJewWarioTodd in the ShadowsLordKatAngry JoeMaxofs2dCowkittyAsalieriJerry PeetCraig BrittainSir WulfingtonAlex WuoriAndrew HussieTransFrequencyDylann Storm RoofSargon of Akkad.

Sites: RedditVoatRationalWikiSJWiki76chanTwitterWikipediaTGWTGBoingBoingVICEGOGTheMarySueStormFrontScrewAttackThe EscapistBuzzfeedSalonPatreonJezebelSomething AwfulTV Trope4chanEncyclopedia Dramatica ForumsEncyclopedia Dramatica.

Others: FacadeCards Against HumanityGNAABill Waggoner CrewMSNBC/CNN/BBC etcThe GuardianElectronic ArtsIntelAdobeGoogleShirtgateMillion Dollar ExtremeHatredPostal 2BaphometAnonymousGamersEverybody else on the internet and their dog.

Minor Related Pages: Censored article about Brianna WuList of people to annoy with your bullshitSarah Butts FFshrine chatlogsList of people defending Butts' pedophiliaThe DMCA butts sent usMilo Yiannopoulos - The feminist versionShanley Kane's butthurt rantThe Great Gawker Implosion of 2015Skype Con Leak.



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Featured article August 11 & 12, 2013
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