PlayStation 2

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Did anyone ever use that pointless stand?

The Sony PlayStation 2, known by unfunny 13 year old boys as the "Gaystation Poo", was Sony's second console in the video game console wars. Most of its fanbase consisted of soccer moms, weeaboos, Microsoft haters, Wayne Brady, and pretty much anyone looking for the sane middle ground between "LOLOLOLOL SUPER MARIO SUNSHINE IS SO FUN! OMG SHUT UP MOM!" and "YO MUTHAFUCKAS HALO IS DA SHIT! IM GON' SHOOT SUM NIGGAS!". This was because the PS2 was sort of a mixture of the Xbox and the GameCube when it came to its game library. Unfortunately its bulky younger brother, the PS3, made most of its fanbase migrate to the Xbox 360.

History

Sony's early vision of backwards compatibility

Ever since the Nintendo 64 came out, Sony had been working on a new console to beat the shit out of their rival Nintendo. Instead of going with something original, they just decided to call it the PlayStation 2. Because of the promise of graphics so good that they would be like "plugging into the Matrix" (seriously), backwards compatibility, and a DVD player, people jumped on them like a bunch of horny furries about to get into a furpile. The popularity of the PlayStation 2 was so great that its only rival, the Dreamcast, was given the smack down, and it never recovered. For the rest of its lifespan, the PlayStation 2 only had one real competitor, the Microsoft Xbox, because Nintendo obviously thought they could win by making a half assed console and selling it for half the price of a PlayStation 2 and an Xbox. The Xbox and the PlayStation 2 competed with each other quite well. Even today the PlayStation 2 somehow manages to drag its ass along with JRPG's and shitty ports of 360/PS3 games.

Memorable Games

The PlayStation 2's best selling game.

Here are some of the memorable games the PS2 had to offer. Feel free to add any as long as it wasn't multiplatform (excluding San Andreas).

  • Dragon Quest VIII - This King gets turned into a miniature version of Piccolo and you must cure him. It's that simple. Also it's 80 FUCKING HOURS LONG.
  • Bully - Imagine GTA but in School and you get Bully. You must beat the shit out of the rival cliques to conquer the school before the antagonist shoots it up. Good luck, Hopkins.
  • Battlefield 2: Modern Combat - More like Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 amirite?, actually even worse than Call of Duty despite having a good campaign, the multiplayer is broken and overrun by Brazilians that can't afford a PS3 so they remain on the PS2 playing a 2005 game this very day.
  • Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas - Being a black person and stealing shit has never been so fun!
  • Kingdom Hearts - The heartless are destroying planets, and the inhabitants' only hope is a kid with bad hair and clown shoes who fights with an oversized house key, along with a bunch of fucktarded Disney characters.
  • Killer7 - Simulation of having multiple personality disorder while high on LSD
  • Katamari Damacy - All the stars in the sky have been accidentally destroyed and somehow hurling big balls of trash into the sky will fix this.
  • Final Fantasy X - This big sea monster thing forms from everyone's sins, and you must stop it and turn into it ten years later, except it was all just a dream, except parts of it weren't and one of the characters was actually dead the whole time. Easy to follow, right?
  • Jak and Daxter - Like Ratchet and Clank but with more furfaggotry
  • Persona 3 - Better than Persona 4, you fight shadows by shooting yourself in the head.
  • Persona 4 - People are being killed by being dropped inside televisions and you must go into the TV, fight shadow thingies, and rescue them.
  • Devil May Cry - You play as an albino dude with a huge ego, a fucking sword, guns with infinite ammo, and doesn't afraid of demons and furries; the second one is filled with DIESEL shit, so don´t bother even watching it on JewTube. In the third one you can also play as his evil twin brother, so it's the best out of all the three games.
  • Metal Gear Solid 2 - Successful use of a trap to troll the MGS fanbase by Konami
  • Clock Tower 3 - Play a fifteen year old girl who is stalked by creepy old serial killers and is almost raped by her grandfather. This installment destroyed the franchise and caused a lot of an heroes.
  • Gran Turismo 3 - Drive cars around in a circle.
  • Gran Turismo 4 - Drive different cars around in different shaped circles.
  • Ratchet and Clank - Much like Jak and Daxter except IT'S IN FUCKING SPACE!!!1!
  • Shadow Hearts: Covenant - Underrated RPG that made WW2 cool before COD
  • God of War 1 & 2 - Play as a Spartan who clearly has some anger issues, as he will kill every breathing thing in sight.
  • The Sly Trilogy - Play as Sly the raccoon, Murray the hippo, or Bentley the turtle. They steal valuable items from other animals and are also being tracked down by a fox named Carmelita. TL;DR: A furfag's wet dream.
  • Shadow of the Colossus - Play as an androgynous-looking boy as he hunts down 16 colossi so that his love can be brought back to life. This boy spends so much time with his horse that even Mr. Hands would be jealous of him.
  • Road Trip Adventure - Drive toy cars around in an autistic circle.

Online Play

The PlayStation 2, as we all know, was the second system capable of online play, as long as we don't count that shitty console Apple made a while back that nobody gives a shit about, or those things made for the SNES and Sega Genesis. Compared to the Xbox, however, the PlayStation 2 wasn't the most used console for online play. However, there were quite a few titles that supported it. One of the most known titles was Tony Hawk's Underground, which wasn't too bad except for one glaring problem. Whenever you played it, you could almost fucking swear you were playing against Koreans, because when the game ended, you probably got like 5,000 points at best, while almost everyone else had 10,000,000,000. The weird part was that those Koreans weren't at their computers playing Starcraft instead. Another well known game was Final Fantasy XI, not because it was good (it seriously wasn't), but because weeaboos were willing to shell out at least 100 dollars to buy it. Why? Because the game required a PlayStation 2 hard drive, and if that wasn't bad enough, it required a subscription. So if you thought WoW players were the ones who set the benchmark for how dedicated an MMORPG player can be, you're probably wrong. One game that slightly justified upgrading to a slim PS2 or buying a network adapter to connect to the tubes was Metal Gear Solid 3:Subsistence, until the incompetent suits at Konami shut down the servers after one measly year in preparation for the spectacular MGS4 online gameplay.

Fanbase

What fanboys wanted you to think a PlayStation 2 was like

Back in the day, the PlayStation 2's fanbase was somewhat similar to what it is today: elitist Microsoft hating gamers. The only difference is that back then, they were real gamers and made valid arguments. The Sony fanboys of today are kids whose parents didn't want to spend a lot of money on the Wii or casualfags who couldn't afford a Wii. They yammer on and on about "HD quality graphics", because you know, graphics make 100% of a game, amirite? Back then, however, Sony fanboys went on about how the PlayStation 2 had a better variety of games, which was actually a solid argument. Of course this didn't stop them stroking their inviso-penis about all the other bullshit ways the PlayStation 2 was the best. When the PlayStation 3 was released, however, the PlayStation 2 fanbase split into two pieces. The old Sony fanboys got a PS3 right after it came out, not minding the price and played PS2 games on the early 60GB models and the casuals leveled up to the level of Dumbass and got a 360 realizing they would have to pay $600 for a system with barely any good games at the time, meaning the only people who play PS2 these days are those who can't afford a PS3 or those who can't afford a Wii. This only left some of the biggest assholes and stubborn fanboys left, as evidenced by Sony Defense Force.

Linux? On MY PS2?

Sadly, it's more likely than you think. Before they made PS3s support Linux, they had also released their OWN version of it for their PlayStation 2 system back in 2002. The purpose of the package was for amateur programming for an operating system that nobody cares about, when people would obviously have been better off doing amateur programming for Microsoft Windows. The only way this pointless software kit redeems itself is that it can be used to develop games for a modded PlayStation 2 system.

The Slimline

It seems that Sony loves to make miniaturized versions of practically every console they make. It always works, too, as consumers will always go bonkers when a company releases anything that's smaller than the previous product. This is because the only thing people want bigger are TVs and penises. In this case, they made a slimmer version of the PlayStation 2 and called it the PS2 Slim and released it in 2004. This new PlayStation 2 was so compact that you couldn't insert a hard drive. Weeaboos and open source basement dwellers then proceeded to whine that they couldn't play Final Fantasy XI or install Linux onto this PlayStation 2. Everyone else however (99.9% of the human population) didn't give a shit about this at all because Final Fantasy XI was being ported to the 360 and Linux worked better on a PC anyways.

Videos


See also

External links

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