Portal:Television/Featured Article/Archive

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May 2017

Featured Article - Samurai Jack
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Samurai Jack is the Holy Grail of cartoons and was created by Genndy Tartakovsky. Originally a show from a month before 9/11, it made an unexpected return in 2017 where it single-handedly BTFO every liberal tumblr cartoon on TV, including reddit's favourite shitty shows, like Rick and Morty, Steven Universe and The Loud House, garnering more ratings than all of these pretentious fuckshows combined.

Mister Tartakovsky. For that alone, we at Encyclopedia Dramatica welcome you as our lord and saviour of lulz.

(( SUCK IT, TUMBLR ))


Jan 2017

Featured Article - LazyTown
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LazyTown is supposedly a kids' show, even though no kid has EVER watched it. The show is mainly geared towards pedophiles and coma victims. Kids rarely find LazyTown entertaining, but if you are a sensible adult who does not fantasize about underage girls, beware.

This show will skull fuck your reality. This program routinely whips out its joyful; bubbly and abnormally massive cock; inserts said cock into your cranial cavity; and doesn't stop pounding until it squirts a bucket of sticky pink happiness into your diseased and swollen brain tissue.

No joke, after watching only thirty minutes of this show you'll be a candidate for tube feeding.

Even though the town depicted in the show is called LazyTown, there are barely any niggers.

All too often, one comes across fan-porn of this show: Photoshopped pictures of its pink haired protagonist Stephanie sucking cock. These pictures originate from 4chan and Something Awful members, generally to post on other, more innocent boards such as Gaia Online or Neopets, or as fapping material for sick fucks.


((WE ARE NUMBER ONE, HEY!))

June 2014

Featured Article - Duck Dynasty
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The show revolves around a family of Bible thumping, gay hating, nigger beating rednecks that makes blowable dildos that makes noises to attract ducks and kill their feathered asses for fun. The use these dildos to make money and sell them to other rednecks, so they can kill their next church picnic meal. This show is an advertising cash cow that Wal-Mart is diminishing their sports section in order to dedicate an aisle to bobble heads and calendars of the heads of a Southern generation. No wonder why obesity rates are growing.

(( RELEASE THE QUACKIN' ))

August 2014

Featured Article - Neil Patrick Harris
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Neil Patrick Harris is an alter ego of Barney Stinson and a popular A-list so called celebrity. He is best known from being gay, starring in some ‘80s TV series that you will never even recall, and meeting your mother. It should also be noted, that - despite his wide-opened gayness and the fact that he's already "married" AND has two adopted kids - he's one of the most longed for shlick material to half of women population in this world.

(( HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER ))

April 2014

Featured Article - Wilkins Coffee
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Wilkins Coffee was the most popular brand of coffee from the beginning of time up until about the 1980s because if you were caught drinking any other brand, Jim Henson's proto-Kermit would shoot you in the fucking face. Wilkins went out of business due to the countless lawsuits it got from the families of the victims who lost their lives to the blood thirsty Kermit. Kermit however was acquitted of all charges of capital murder and went on to become the star of both Sesame Street and The Muppet Show while the family members had to live with seeing the murderer go free and taunt them in their faces on national television.

(( WILKINS COFFEE ))

February 2014

Featured Article - Bleach
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Bleach is an anime series, with over three hundred and sixty six episodes and counting, with a name that makes no sense. The only reason we have an article is that hordes of angry waps like to argue about the name and draw cartoons of the fourteen-year-old orange-haired girl with giant tits. It is the epitome of self-aggrandizing, masturbatory power-fantasy material, beating the epic Naruto due to the fact that 13 year olds would rather identify with an adolescent boy than some Awesome ninja. Bleach follows a simple but effective 'expanding fetish-focus' formula for luring in the asinine punters, to be found in an increasing amount of animu and mango.

(( BLEACH ))

December 2013

Featured Article - The Simpsons
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Once one of the lulziest shows ever to lulz the lulz on television, it's now considered an old meme and generally shitty. True hXc fans claim the quality dropped off after the 9th season or when Matt Groening stole all of the non-shitty writers to work on Futurama, leaving The Simpsons at the mercy of Mike Scully and Fox network executives dead set on whoring the show out long past the point of being profitable and franchise becomes a walking poster child for shows that should have been euthanized.

(( THE SIMPSONS ))
Featured Article - Gravity Falls
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Gravity Falls is an American animated comedy horror television series created by Alex Hirsch. It features two twins, a boy named Dipper who nobody gives half a shit about, and a girl named Mabel who is obsessed with vampires, pigs, glitter, and other girly shit. Like any other cartoon created in the last decade, it generated a huge fantard following consisting of tumblr 16-year-old girls and /co/'s usual base of sick fucks and manchildren, the latter who find Mabel very sexy.

(( PINECEST ))
Featured Article - Mark Wahlberg
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You might know Mark Wahlberg (or as TOW calls him, Mark Robert Michael Wahlberg, born June 5, 1971) as a manlet American actor, probably most well known for being cast in all those shitty remakes of classic movies that nobody liked or asked for and films that couldn't afford Leonardo DiCaprio.

You might also know him for being a little wigger faggot in the early '90s and calling himself Marky Mark, frontman with the band Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch, a gang of part-time rent boys that managed to make Vanilla Ice look like blacker than Wesley Snipes by comparison.

What you might not know, however, is that Mark Wahlberg is a violent thug and a huge racist who haets Azns. No srsly, it's true.

(( VIETNAM FUCKING SHITS! ))




Featured Article - SpongeBob Squarepants
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SpongeBob SquarePants is a cartoon about a sentient sponge named SpongeBob doing random, repetitive, unfunny jokes that stretch longer than Kirk Johnson's anus. The show is a notable lolcow for the fact that it's quite obvious that SpongeBob is gay. Why else would he need so many holes, cry in every single episode, and in one occasion adopt a child in a same-sex partnership? From day 1 to current day, all of the episodes promote homosexuality and everyone who watches it has most likely turned gay by now.

(( SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS ))