Portal:Television/Featured Article/Archive

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Contents

August 2014

Featured Article - Neil Patrick Harris
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Neil Patrick Harris is an alter ego of Barney Stinson and a popular A-list so called celebrity. He is best known from being gay, starring in some ‘80s TV series that you will never even recall, and meeting your mother. It should also be noted, that - despite his wide-opened gayness and the fact that he's already "married" AND has two adopted kids - he's one of the most longed for shlick material to half of women population in this world.

(( HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER ))

April 2014

Featured Article - Wilkins Coffee
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Wilkins Coffee was the most popular brand of coffee from the beginning of time up until about the 1980s because if you were caught drinking any other brand, Jim Henson's proto-Kermit would shoot you in the fucking face. Wilkins went out of business due to the countless lawsuits it got from the families of the victims who lost their lives to the blood thirsty Kermit. Kermit however was acquitted of all charges of capital murder and went on to become the star of both Sesame Street and The Muppet Show while the family members had to live with seeing the murderer go free and taunt them in their faces on national television.

(( WILKINS COFFEE ))

February 2014

Featured Article - Bleach
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Bleach is an anime series, with over three hundred and sixty six episodes and counting, with a name that makes no sense. The only reason we have an article is that hordes of angry waps like to argue about the name and draw cartoons of the fourteen-year-old orange-haired girl with giant tits. It is the epitome of self-aggrandizing, masturbatory power-fantasy material, beating the epic Naruto due to the fact that 13 year olds would rather identify with an adolescent boy than some Awesome ninja. Bleach follows a simple but effective 'expanding fetish-focus' formula for luring in the asinine punters, to be found in an increasing amount of animu and mango.

(( BLEACH ))

December 2013

Featured Article - The Simpsons
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Once one of the lulziest shows ever to lulz the lulz on television, it's now considered an old meme and generally shitty. True hXc fans claim the quality dropped off after the 9th season or when Matt Groening stole all of the non-shitty writers to work on Futurama, leaving The Simpsons at the mercy of Mike Scully and Fox network executives dead set on whoring the show out long past the point of being profitable and franchise becomes a walking poster child for shows that should have been euthanized.

(( THE SIMPSONS ))
Featured Article - Gravity Falls
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Gravity Falls is an American animated comedy horror television series created by Alex Hirsch. It features two twins, a boy named Dipper who nobody gives half a shit about, and a girl named Mabel who is obsessed with vampires, pigs, glitter, and other girly shit. Like any other cartoon created in the last decade, it generated a huge fantard following consisting of tumblr 16-year-old girls and /co/'s usual base of sick fucks and manchildren, the latter who find Mabel very sexy.

(( PINECEST ))
Featured Article - Mark Wahlberg
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You might know Mark Wahlberg (or as TOW calls him, Mark Robert Michael Wahlberg, born June 5, 1971) as a manlet American actor, probably most well known for being cast in all those shitty remakes of classic movies that nobody liked or asked for and films that couldn't afford Leonardo DiCaprio.

You might also know him for being a little wigger faggot in the early '90s and calling himself Marky Mark, frontman with the band Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch, a gang of part-time rent boys that managed to make Vanilla Ice look like blacker than Wesley Snipes by comparison.

What you might not know, however, is that Mark Wahlberg is a violent thug and a huge racist who haets Azns. No srsly, it's true.

(( VIETNAM FUCKING SHITS! ))




Featured Article - SpongeBob Squarepants
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SpongeBob SquarePants is a cartoon about a sentient sponge named SpongeBob doing random, repetitive, unfunny jokes that stretch longer than Kirk Johnson's anus. The show is a notable lolcow for the fact that it's quite obvious that SpongeBob is gay. Why else would he need so many holes, cry in every single episode, and in one occasion adopt a child in a same-sex partnership? From day 1 to current day, all of the episodes promote homosexuality and everyone who watches it has most likely turned gay by now.

(( SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS ))
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