Pregnant

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
(Redirected from Pregnancy)
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Lol ur fucked.jpg

Pregnancy is a common and disgusting sexually transmitted disease among female adult and lolis. Pregnancy is transmitted via heterosexual secks - often i̶n̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶m̶i̶s̶s̶i̶o̶n̶a̶r̶y̶ ̶p̶o̶s̶i̶t̶i̶o̶n̶ ̶f̶o̶r̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶p̶u̶r̶p̶o̶s̶e̶s̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶p̶r̶o̶c̶r̶e̶a̶t̶i̶o̶n̶ any position will cause this disease, however, pleasure increases the chances of this. This deviant behavior has ruined many lives while bringing forth billions of already-ruined lives onto this God-forsaken planet. Normal people are not at risk for this STD and therefore lead longer, more productive, and wealthier lives. Also, cocks.

The dormant stage lasts nine months, until the disease progresses to full blown parenthood. At this stage, the father also contracts the disease. Some people are pregnant for 15 months.

It's proven fact that pregnancy is the leading cause of everything wrong with this world.

Victims

Most 16-year-old girls on livejournal accidentally after a bad breakup that was obviously their fault, or they just feel that they haven't gotten enough attention in the last fifteen minutes.

Sheneequas also contract this disease at least twice between the ages of 13 and 17, usually due to whoring on the street so her 5-8 kids don't starve when "daddy" blows the welfare check on booze, crack and lottery tickets but this article will focus on stupid white chicks from tumblr and/or Instagram. For knocked up teen black chicks, see Sheneequa.

Some men feel that pregnancy is the most attractive STD, with pregnant women giving off a "glow", even though the next stage is permanent, and will leave the woman undesirable.

The youngest girl ever to get pregnant and have a child was 5. She was in Brazil. She was raped. She liked it.

Outcome

The prognoses for pregnancy follows:

  1. Full term
  2. Suicide (death x 2)
  3. Abortion
  4. Miscarriage
  5. Falcon punch
  6. Sued by your own embryos for being deprived of a trust fund due to non-birth. No, really.

Seth Putnam's famous song You're Pregnant So I Kicked You In the Stomach deals with the falcon punch in a sensitive, compassionate ballad.

Faking it

Most of them, as you may imagine, are faking it, either to garner sympathy, attention, or both. Their "dire announcement" will often be preceeded by several cryptic posts on their blog, sparking the influx of attention that most of them wish to receive.

You would think that since pregnancy is a somewhat apparent thing after a while, these girls would get caught in a lie, but it's all part of their evil plan - after a few weeks, they tragically have a miscarriage (i.e. Phaedriel), losing the pregnancy (oh well!) and reigniting the deluge of sympathy from their clueless fanbases. Most of these girls are camwhores and internet models, underage and aren't going anywhere anyhow, so the bright side is that, well, at least they're not ACTUALLY pregnant and won't give birth to bi-curious emo kids.

Pregnant Loli

Nuvola
Moar info: Pregnant loli.

Underage (4-17) mothers can cause drama in several contexts:

  • Childfree people love to whine and complain about how all the other girls in their town got pregnant at 13 and everyone gave them free cars because of it, while they themselves had to work eighty-hour weeks to put themselves through college as astrophysicists.
  • Pop parents enjoy being judgmental about teen mothers, unless those mothers are performing all their actions in accordance with the Crunchy Parenting Code of Conduct, in which case they're totally cool and mature.
  • Regular parenting boards sometimes suffer teen mother invasions, which results in a bunch of fairly normal women with little internets experience trying to deal with demands of tolerance from bitter high-school students with bad spelling.
  • Libertarians like to include teen mothers in the wide and wonderful realm of welfare wank.
  • Occasionally, semi-celebrities like Jamie Lynn Spears or Keisha Castle-Hughes get pregnant before they can vote, which invariably causes eruptions of drama between people who omg loooooove the actress in question and will totally support her no matter what she does, and the people who think maybe teen pregnancy is a bad idea even if you do have millions of dollars at your disposal.
  • Invoking the wrath of decent people who work for a living.

Lolis like to bitch and complain about how hard it is to be a teen mom but will take offense to an intelligent person judging them for whoring themselves off in the first place.

Preventing Pregnancy

Another way to prevent pregnancy is to beat the stork with an umbrella.

There are actually over 9000 ways to prevent pregnancy (and only two ways to actually get pregnant, one of which involves doctors asking if you're sure you're stupid enough to do this), but over 9000 16 year old girls per year get pregnant by accident. Most are named Sheneequa.

Women

  1. condoms
  2. the pill
  3. abstention
  4. chastity belts
  5. buying daddy a shotgun and a rocking chair for the porch
  6. sending the bimbo to a nunnery
  7. up the bum = no babies (unless you're really unlucky, in which case you may as well shoot yourself now)
  8. Scissor instead.
  9. quit being a stupid whore?

Men

<video type="youtube" id="V2Ac6RYSvo8" width="200" height="180" position="right" frame="false"/> A new life emerges. What a miracle Men can also exercise prevention. Although these methods do not actually prevent pregnancy, they have been known to systematically destroy a person's sex drive. Unless of course you are a sick fuck.

  1. Goatse mimics your wife's cunt after she manages to shit out the squealing little bastard.
  2. Seeing anything from the Rule 34 article
  3. Rosie O'Donnel
  4. Falcon punch
  5. botched abortions using a rusty hanger.
  6. applying super-glue to the labia
  7. spay and neuter her
  8. Be gay, (not bi)
  9. Be a furry. Like being gay except no hyooman wants to fuck them
  10. Playing Black Ops and/or Angry Birds for an endless amount of hours.

Ironically, having sex for pleasure rather than reproduction increases the chances of pregnancy as over 49% of women admit to wanting to be pregnant despite the disease occurring after a contraceptives failure. The number of women who accidentally got pregnant but state it was "intended" is in fact stated to be greater, meanwhile couples who actually want to become pregnant and have secks for a baby will find little success. This is due to wanting a fucking parasite in the first place. Don't believe me? See for yourself.

Gallery

The Joys Of Child Birth About missing Pics
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]


See Also

Portal sex.jpg

Pregnant is part of a series on

Sex

Visit the Sex Portal for complete coverage.


Portal icon whores.gif

Pregnant is part of a series on

Whores

Visit the Whores Portal for complete coverage.


[Click to CollapseClick to Expand]
Pregnant is part of a series on Body and Health
Body.jpg Body Parts:

AssAssholeBallsBodybuildingBoobsBrainCameltoeClitorisCockCumFatFeetFinger BoxGuntHand of ClodHand of DiosIron penisManginaMoobsNeckbeardPissPussyShitSkeletonVagoo

Diseases and Illnesses:

AcneAddictionAIDSAlzheimer'sBeing a GingerCancer (and The Cancer That Is Killing /b/) • Comcast diseaseDiabeetusDiseaseDSMDuckfaceDwarfismEbolaEpilepsyErectile dysfunctionETDFetal Alcohol SyndromeFibromyalgiaGenital HerpesGRIDS (see also The GRIDS that is killing ED) • Heart AttackHyperbolimiaIRC DiseaseObesityPandemicParkinson's DiseaseSame Face SyndromeSARSSexually Transmitted DiseasesSwine FluThin SkinUser Stress SyndromeVirusVomitingWikipedia's Greatest Hits DiseasesZika

Injuries: 1guy1jarBMECircumcisionCastrationDeathEmo Cutter GirlEunuch ArchiveGuroHangoverHeadshotLJ cutLobotomyPain SeriesPregnancyRectal foreign bodySelf-injurySuicideTattoosTrepanation