To tell if you are pussy-whipped please ask yourself the following:
- Do you suffer debt brought on by constant expenses from your current relationship?
- Is your girlfriend rationing out sex in increasingly long intervals?
- Do you feel that she controls every aspect of your life?
If any of the aforementioned symptoms apply, you are PUSSY-WHIPPED!!
Other signs you may be Pussy-whipped
- Do you spend most of your time apologizing to your girlfriend?
- Does your girlfriend fight with you in front of her friends?
- Does your girlfriend fight with you in front of your friends?
- Does your girlfriend fight with you just about anywhere so long as other people are there to witness your belittling?
- Does your girlfriend give you a guilt-trip if you want to hang out with your friends?
- If so, does she fight with you if god-forbid, you can't pick up your phone?
- If not, does she call you constantly for no real reason while you are hanging out with them?
- Does she insist on naming your pets things like "princess"?
- Does she pick out your clothes for you?
- If so, do you wear them?
- If not, does she viciously attack your appearance?
- Does your girlfriend peg you with a dildo, for her pleasure and not yours?
- Does your girlfriend go ape-shit on you for things that she does herself? (for instance, looking at pics of your friend's girlfriend in a slutty Halloween outfit, while she has looked at pics of other dude's cocks on her friend's cellphone)
- Does your girlfriend try to turn you against your friends?
- Does your girlfriend force you to wear a gimp mask?
- Does your girlfriend force you to watch Grey's Anatomy, E!, and other penis-shrinking travesties of televised entertainment?
- If you ever managed to see a movie or watch a show that you wanted to see, did she complain the whole time?
- Do you ever find yourself doing the dishes, even after you cooked a gourmet meal yourself because she says "It's your mess, clean it up."?
- Have you ever said "I love you" within the first few months, or without meaning it?
- Do you not hang out with your friends and then when you do hang out with them you talk about how awesome your girlfriend is?
If you answered "yes" to any of the above, there is a good chance that you are, or could easily become pussy-whipped. If you believe you are in danger of being pussy-whipped by your current girlfriend, please read the following section. If you think that you may be currently pussy-whipped please skip to the "Treatment" section.
Still not certain if your dick has been transformed into a vagina by a domineering woman? The following educational videos may prove illuminating:
If you believe you are in danger of being pussy-whipped:
- Do NOT under ANY circumstances move in with her, this will only make it that much harder to bail-out later. When the shit goes down, you don't want to have to go back the next day to get all your stuff. This is when she'll use her vagina powers to full capacity, she'll apologize and say how she loves you and all the stuff that she never said before. Don't be fooled, this display is NOT sincere, it is a defense mechanism, a parasite can't live without a host, so she'll do all in her power to keep you ensnared.
- If you argue with a girl that is not your girlfriend, do not go out with her! If she gives you shit when you're not entitled to take it, just imagine what it'll be like when you're hooked.
- Get belligerent drunk with your friends (if you're too pussy to do this sober), use your newly acquired confidence to tell her to GTFO.
- NEVAR give her your bank details. Pretty obvious but easy to forget, unless you like hobo-ing it up.
- NEVER get a joint checking account if you are cohabitating and not legally married. When you "amicably" break up and clear out the bank account and give her half, after you move away she will accuse you of stealing her money and extort your parents by threatening legal action.
- ALWAYS keep distance until you're sure she's not some kind of dragon lady; take time to give her apron when she seems to undermine you, and don't be afraid to intiate a falcon punch.
In spite of the fact that women most likely control your expenditures, there are ways to come out on top and show the bitch her place.
- Always buy her what YOU want.
- If she gives you lip, give her the good knuckle treatment.
- Make sure you always control the phone so she doesn't call for help.
- Remove her teeth for maximum pleasure
- Let her know her place. If she even so much as thinks of wandering outside, punish her
- If she refuses to get an abortion, due to some stupid religion that was actually a delusion from Xenu's R6 implant, then give her a Falcon Punch!
- Make her spend time in the basement with no food or water until she decides to kitchen.
- Get her to make you a lovely sandwich, followed by delicious cake.
- In case of emergency, always remember to chain her to the stove; that way she stays put and makes meals twice as fast (innovation couldn't have come at a better time)
- As a last resort, use the last measure of doing a Columbine on her sorry ass.
- Boh3m3 (Current Owner: TheHill88)
- George Bush (Current Owner: His wife)
- Bruno Mars (Current Owner: Every girl in the world
- Blunty3000 (Current Owner: Katz20two)
- Obama (Current Owner: black person)
- Hal Turner (Current Owner: His wife, though has shown resistance)
- Any male Something Awful Goon in a relationship.
- Amorrow (Current Owner: The female ex-Chief of Police of Palo Alto)
- Faust (Current Owner: Pory)
- Blacks (Previous Owner: Whites, Current Owner: KFC)
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