Rachel Maddow

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WARNING:

This person is fucking boring.


Sadly, it's not a trap.

Rachel Maddow (a.k.a. Rachel Madcow) is a "politics-obsessed" manly bulldyke lesbo who hosts yet another hopelessly idiotic "political debate and talk show" on MSNBC. She's like a sort-of-male Keith Olbermann who, defying all laws of science, manages to be even less interesting and more irritating. She's best known for confusing many people about her gender and sexuality, and inducing many false hard-ons. She is loved by all members of the liberal media, who enjoy watching a show about a borderline retarded dyke whose idea of debating is making unfunny comments about people she's never seen or talked to, from the safety of her (notably empty) studio. Her viewers compose solely of lesbians and 12-year-old boys.

Rachel is a minority among liberal television personalities in that she is one of the only commentators who has ever tasted pussy, although whether she has one herself is a matter of ongoing debate. Republicans find this confusing on two levels. They don't have the slightest clue what pussy actually tastes like, given their penchant for faggotry. And since many of them are pedophiles, they find her feminine manliness and lack of boobs reminiscent of their favorite Dominican boy. See Ann Coulter, Rush Limbaugh. Really, if it weren't for her membership with MSNBC, she'd probably be the conservatives' next darling.

The Rachel Maddow Show

The Rachel Maddow Show, unlike many others on FOX News and even MSNBC, is quite anti-lulz. Maddow rarely argues, yells at, or cuts off anyone she is interviewing or debating with on her show, and rarely, if ever, says anything controversial. She actually lets people on her show complete their bullshit-laced sentences. Her show almost always consists of the usual loony liberal bullshit that is spawned from TV.

She got her job on the show, not very long ago when Keith Olbermann went temporarily insane and the MSNBC Gods appointed Rachel Maddow to fill in for him while he was locked up in a mental institution. Since she is so good at what she does and because Keith Olbermann is in love with her she received her own show, taking over Dan Abrams' time slot. It is speculated that nothing of value was lost (mostly because Dan now owns TheMarySue). This, however, does not cover up her presence on television as proof the human race as a whole has regressed.

Even though she advocates a New York view on politics and avoids confrontation, she has an obvious haet for Donald Trump and derives great, manly pleasure from showing him acting like a douche. A recent study has shown that Maddow's show consists entirely of awkward silences following her clunky, robot-like attempts at jokes and asinine comments pertaining to Republican politicians that alternate between stating the obvious and flaunting her persecution complex.

Last Thursday in a desperate effort to embarrass the President, Rachel overhyped a story about Donald Trump's twelve-year-old tax returns, which backfired and embarrassed MSNBC, who had once touted her as "arguably the smartest person on television". The stunt gained her failing show its best ratings ever, and mockery from liberals:

Examples of boring

Quotes by Rachel Maddow

   
 
I love the idea that I am the voice of women. Look at me. It's like: really? The one woman in the room that is really mannish. I look like a dude. My breath even smells like fish, so I'm quite consistent.


 


 
 

—Rachel Maddow, stating the obvious.

   
 
I'm so rarely the arbiter of what all women want. I'm usually quite the outlier on that chart.


 


 
 

—Rachel Maddow, again stating the obvious.

   
 
Now, according to the new-fangled U.S. government, it is OK to have the gay.


 


 
 

—Rachel Maddow in March 2009, on the flaws of the new Obama administration.

   
 
The bomb exploded the junk in Vladimir's trunk. Y'know, they always said that Communists would get it in the end.


 


 
 

—Rachel Maddow on a bomb that damaged a statue of Vladimir Lenin, showing us her Carlos level of humor.

   
 
As you can tell, my Halloween costume this year is once again middle-aged lesbian pundit in cheap jacket. Boo.


 


 
 

—Rachel Maddow, on how every day is Halloween for her.

Gallery

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See also

10/10 would bang

External links

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Featured article March 16 & 17, 2017
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